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Trump Thinks He Bought America | The Daily Show


Donald J. Trump has shaken
Washington to its core by refusing to recognize
the power of Congress to impeach him,
which is amazing. ‘Cause they were like,
“We’re subpoenaing.” And he was like,
“No, I don’t care.” Donald Trump has the confidence of a white woman pulled over
by the cops. Yeah. Just like, “Ma’am,
I need to see your license.” She’s like, “Well, I need
to see you get out of my face. And give me your badge number,
Mister!” The question is,
why does the president think he can get away with this? Well, for more perspective,
we turn to a man who gets away with things
all the time. -Neal Brennan, everybody.
-(cheers and applause) Neal, everyone is perplexed. Why doesn’t Trump seem to respect any
of America’s institutions? I’ll tell you why, buddy. Because Trump doesn’t think
he got elected. Trump thinks he bought America, and now our whole country
is just some business he owns. It’s why he doesn’t understand
all these investigations. Imagine if you bought a Quiznos. Then a week later,
you find out you’re being impeached by the
guy who spreads the mayonnaise. (laughter) Oh, come on. Neal, Neal,
I know Trump is extreme, but there’s no way he thinks
you can buy a country. Dude, he tried to buy Greenland
eight weeks ago. (laughter) And it wasn’t even for sale. (applause) He’s just so out of his mind
that he looks at the globe the way the rest of us look
at Zillow. I’m telling you, Trump doesn’t
think he works for America. He thinks he owns it. Listen to how he talks. My generals and my military… My economy is phenomenal. And I told my guys at NASA… All I know is I want
to put my miners back to work. My farmers.
I love my farmers. Oh, look at my African-American
over here. Look at him. (audience groaning) -MAN: Damn!
-Wow. The last president to say “Look at my African-American”
was Thomas Jefferson on a date. -Wow. Wow. Neal.
-(audience groaning) Okay, so, so, so,
Trump thinks he bought America, and that explains all
of his behavior? Now you’re getting it,
my African-American. I’m-I’m just African. But, yeah. Trevor, Trump thinks everyone
in the country works for him. It’s why he’s sending
his attorney general around the world to focus
on his personal vendettas. Trump thinks the attorney general
is generally his attorney. (laughter) I bet when Trump met the
secretary of transportation, he was like, “Great. So you’re
the guy who call my Ubers?” Yeah. Yeah. Okay,
but that doesn’t explain why Trump ignores
the Pentagon’s advice on, like, Turkey and Syria. It completely explains it. From Trump’s point of view,
it’s like, “Why is my military in Syria? “I’m not in Syria. I’m in America.” And that’s where
he wants the military. In America doing two things–
having big, beautiful parades and blocking Mexicans
at the border like a camouflaged Hodor. So this is how
Trump sees everything? Yeah, man! It’s why
he hates the press so much. He’s like, “Why is the White
House press corps talking shit about the White House?” To him, it’s a betrayal. It would be like if you hired
a deejay for your wedding, and when you and your wife
came in, he was like, “Chris and Jennifer,
probably not gonna make it. 18 months tops!” (imitates party horn blowing) (laughter) All right. All right, Neal, so, so, if Trump thinks
he bought America, then is there anything
that people can do? Yes. But we’ll have to turn to America’s most reliable
institution– Kickstarter. (laughter) We pool our money and buy
America back from Donald Trump. Dude, that is gonna cost…
It’s gonna cost… -(applause and cheering)
-Like, that is so much money. I don’t… How-how do people afford that? Here’s the good news, buddy. If America truly is
a Trump property, eventually,
it’s gonna plummet in value, and we can buy it back
for pennies on the dollar. Bad news is,
there’s gonna be KFC buckets and spray tan juice everywhere. Neal Brennan, everyone!

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