THE TAI LOPEZ CONSPIRACY
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THE TAI LOPEZ CONSPIRACY


Tai Lopez has been terrorizing YouTube for several months now, and what seemed like an annoying but cute fad has only gotten worse! “Hey, here in my backyard” The dude is back with a new video ‘Here In My Backyard’ Proving that Tai Lopez has transcended his mortal flesh and become a living meme. [Tai Lopez clips overlapped] You’ve got to give the dude some credit. He must be the first person that realized you can milk YouTube for everything it’s worth. This graph shows just how crazy his ad campaign was, He went from about one million views and shot up instantly to 100 million views per month. What happened, all of a sudden this guy started feeding the homeless? What is he, what is he doing pranks now? How else do you get viewership like that? Oh, well, there is… one other way… You can BUY it, with KNOWLEDGE! This dude has bought at least 80 millions views! At an average cost of 20 cents per view, that would have cost him sixteen million dollars. Whoo, that’s a lot of fuel units! “You must have enough fuel units” But remember guys, this is not about material possessions, it’s about KNOWLEDGE! Hila, I wonder what’s new on our favorite prankster’s channel, we should check that out, don’t you think? Heh? What is that ad? For Tai Lopez, I don’t mind supporting the channel I- Ay, it’s three of the same ad- FOUR ADS OF THE SAME GUY! [an assortment of Tai Lopez audio clips play and overlap in the background] Get out of my head, Tai. GET OUT OF MY HEAD, TAAAAIIIIIIII. It’s funny that the only people on YouTube who don’t know who Tai Lopez is, is people who use AdBlock. As someone who earns his living from ads, it’s really hard for me to advocate the use of AdBlock. And I’m always quick to remind people that they should whitelist content they support (Quickly and quietly) Thank you so much, love you so much, God bless ya, Papa John appreciates ya! But YouTube is putting us in this position by allowing Tai to buy so much ad space that we need to choose between supporting the channels we love and LOSING OUR MIND. (Said in each individual clip)
“Alright” “Alright, is it ever justified to lie?” Is it ever justified to lie? I don’t know Tai, what do you think? Surely you, the humanitarian, the guru, the great leader and thinker would never lie! Especially to the people who look up to you and trust you the most! Yeah, fuck it, yeah he would. He’s a scumbag marketer He’s been lying to you guys the whole time! Here, let’s take a look at his new video “Hey, here in my backyard” “Uhhh, people are always asking me for a tour” “So I thought I’d show a little bit of my house” “But more importantly” “I’m gonna share with you, umm” Ok guys, look closely at our first piece of evidence: Notice the cabana on the left, The planter on the right, The two trees, and of course the stinky, unwashed penis in the middle “How I went from sleeping in a mobile home, you know” “With 47 bucks in my bank account” “To a place like this in Beverly Hills” What’s this? Zillow.com, a short-term rental website. This house is located in Beverly Hills. INTERESTING. Enhance that image! The cabana, the planter, The two trees, But wait! Enhance that even more! Gold Bond baby powder. Who else would use that, but a stinky, unwashed penis? Are you shocked yet? Well hold on to your baby powder, because there’s more! “How to win friends and influence people” “That’s a big one, people are always talking about networking and stuff” “So yeah, got a little squat rack” Watch closely Basketball hoop, chair, light: a TRIANGLE. What does it mean? Enhance that image! Basketball, chair, light. OH MY GOOOD… There’s a male douche at the corner of that triangle! Tai was planning to use that to clean his STINKY UNWASHED PENIS. Had enough? Well bring along your douche, because you’re going to need to clean up after this one! “Oh, it’s got an elevator in the house” “Which I never use” “But… there’s a third floor for like, guests and stuff.” Take a close look at the light, the painting, the door… And of course… the other light. Look familiar? Enhance that image! The light! The painting! The door! What could it meeaaan? Wait! I’ve got it! Three triangles. Baby powder, Ultimate Douche. Hang on, I think we’re missing something! GO BACK! “This is where I read, you know, I like to read a book and stuff like that,” “so,” “Pretty cool.” There it is! ENHANCE! Oh my god! It’s baby wipes! It all makes sense! What do these three products have in common? They’re all used to clean a… stinky… UNWASHED… PENIIIIIIIIIS [choking] [cough] Penis. Confirmed. Oh yeah, he’s also a fucking liar, that was the point. Yeah, he’s a liar. “One of the biggest lies we ever make…” “Is to ourselves.” (Outro)

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