The Really Real Realtor
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The Really Real Realtor


– LAST WEEK, I SET UP
HIDDEN CAMERAS AT AN OPEN HOUSE
IN BURBANK, AND I SENT ONE OF MY WRITERS,
JAIME, THERE. SHE DRESSED UP AS A REALTOR
NAMED RENATA. AND IT’S A SEGMENT
WE’RE CALLING “RENATA,
THE NOT REAL REALTOR.” I GAVE HER
THREE CHALLENGES: SHE HAD TO TAKE A PHONE CALL
FROM HER BOYFRIEND, SHE HAD TO SING
A POPULAR SONG, AND SHE HAD TO MAKE
A BLOWFISH FACE ON A WINDOW. THESE POOR PEOPLE.
LET’S SEE HOW SHE DID. [singing]
– RENATA THE NOT REAL REALTOR SHE’S NOT A REALLY REAL REALTOR YEAH [singing]
– I DANCE AROUND THIS EMPTY HOUSE TEAR US DOWN,
THROW YOU OUT SCREAMING DOWN THE HALLS – HOW LONG HAVE YOU GUYS
BEEN LOOKING FOR A HOUSE? – WELL, SOMETIMES
THE FIRST ONE IS ALL YOU NEED. THIS IS THE DINING ROOM. OH, YEAH. [singing]
I WANT TO SWING FROM THE CHANDELIER,
FROM THE CHANDELIER BEFORE WE START,
THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE HERE ARE GERMOPHOBES, SO I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU COULD HELP ME OUT BY JUST PUTTING
THESE BOOTIES ON. PERFECT. JUST BECAUSE
THEY’RE JUST KIND OF CRAZY, JUST DO THAT FOR ME. L.A., YOU KNOW? [singing]
– THIS USED TO BE A FUNHOUSE – STAY RIGHT HERE. AND I WANTED TO SHOW YOU
THAT THESE DOORS ARE ACTUALLY SOUND-PROOF. – OKAY.
– SO ONE SECOND. [screams] DID YOU HEAR ME?
– YEAH. – OH, GOD, I’M SORRY. HERE IS A GREAT FEATURE
OF THE HOUSE, IF YOU GUYS HAVE KIDS. SO… – WE DO NOT GO
IN THIS ROOM. – BUT ALL THE DOORS
ARE STAINED. OKAY, HERE’S
THE MASTER BEDROOM. YOU GUYS
DON’T HAVE KIDS YET, BUT THAT’S WHERE
THIS HAPPENS. OH.
OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH. MY PHONE IS BUZZING.
JUST GIVE ME ONE SECOND. [both giggle] – WHAT? I TOLD YOU I CAN’T TALK
RIGHT NOW. I AM AT WORK. DO NOT TURN
THIS AROUND ON ME! DO NOT! – YOU WILL NOT HANG–
I’M HANGING UP ON YOU. YOU WILL NOT HANG UP
ON ME! – BECAUSE ONE OF US
HAS TO WORK! THAT’S WHY! OKAY. WE’LL TALK ABOUT THIS
WHEN I GET HOME. HI. OH, DO YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE
SOMETHING REALLY FUNNY? DO YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE
THEIR UNDERWEAR? – NO. – WELL, LET’S GO BACK AROUND
THROUGH THIS WAY, AND LET’S TALK
ABOUT AN OFFER. – UM, WELL, I KNOW THAT YOU GUYS THINK YOU’VE BEEN
DEALING WITH A CRAZY PERSON, BUT I’M NOT REALLY
A REALTOR. I WORK
FOR THE “ELLEN” SHOW, AND YOU GUYS
HAVE BEEN ON CAMERA. AND THERE ARE CAMERAS THERE,
AND THERE ARE CAMERAS THERE. WAVE TO ELLEN. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH
FOR BEING GREAT SPORTS. [cheers and applause] – THANK YOU, JAIME. UH-OH. DID YOU WANT TO SEE
MORE VIDEOS? HOLD ON. NOW, THE SKIRT
THAT LAUREN IS WEARING LOOKS LIKE A REGULAR MINISKIRT,
BUT IT’S NOT. IT’S CALLED
THE MINI-FREEZE. WATCH WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU HIT THIS BUTTON. [audience exclaims]

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