The ‘Full House’ When They Got Trapped In An Airport On Christmas
Articles,  Blog

The ‘Full House’ When They Got Trapped In An Airport On Christmas


(gentle music) – [Narrator] It’s Christmas pic time! Everyone say where’s Mommy? The fam’s heading to Colorado for a Tanner fam Christmas reunion. Danny’s documenting the
hell of Christmas Eve travel for his morning show. Joey and Jesse are singing carols, in sweaters. Psycho shit. Danny packed the girls’ gifts. Joey brought a Santa suit. He’s pumped to wear something obnoxious and do a funny voice, real change of pace. – Daddy I don’t wanna
go on this dumb trip. – [Narrator] Steph’s got the right idea for the wrong reason. She’s worried Santa won’t be
able to find her in Colorado. He’ll be gone off that green good. Kris Kringle’s gonna wind
up at a 24-hour taqueria. Danny says relax, dumbass, Santa’s on the motherfucker. Still, Steph made Santa a map. Let’s hope his naughty list
does not factor in talent. D.J. has a juicy secret, she found the presents bag. Fuck yeah. She’s getting a CD player, Steph’s getting roller skates, Michelle’s getting toys, and nobody’s getting a new mom. Steph drew Santa a window
sign so he can point and laugh at her busted shit from his sleigh. Meanwhile, Jesse’s
parents are pressuring him about marriage and kids, nightmare sandwich. Small world, Becky, Danny’s co-host, is also flying to Stickyrado. Jesse invites her to a romantic
Bozo sweater shopping spree. But Becky curves him
with holiday swiftness. This is her connecting flight. She’s heading to Nebraska
to be with her family. Later, loser. The airline overbooked this seat. The flight attendant tells
the jerk yelling at children about a middle seat on Christmas Eve. He can keep it, the gals are getting
bumped to first class. Later, loser. Jesse’s parents observe Becky is a babe and he’d be clinically
dull if he wasn’t trying to lock that down and fire
up the grandkid factory. Jesse says he’s tried, no dice. Michelle snatches grumpy man’s
wig and becomes terrified of this angry guy falling
apart in her hands. The gang sings in harmony
to lull her off the edge. The flight attendant says,
attention, this song bullshit counts as terrorism. Also, there’s a blizzard,
we gotta ground this bird. Merry Christmas. But Danny spent months planning this trip that inexplicably needed
to happen on Christmas Eve. Now they are majorly boned. Steph, distraught Santa can’t
find her, tries to call him. She’s spazzing, D.J.’s on it. Meanwhile, angry wig dude
goes out of his way to say yo, fuck your whole
clique, Merry Christmas. Jesse’s dad continues
to pressure his child, who appears to be his same age. He says it’s prime time
to swoop because people let their guard down in a crisis. – Pop, that’s taking advantage, it might work. – [Narrator] Merry Christmas. Jesse horn-dog stomps over. Becky’s homesick and was really
excited to see her family. Jesse suggests going
behind the Pepsi machine, get started on a new family. Red alert, the presents are missing. Meanwhile, D.J. assures
Steph that Santa will find their simple butts, probably, who knows, or cares, just stop spazzing. Danny and Joey can’t find shit. Dan breaks the news that,
much like their dead mother, Santa might not make it this year. Excuse me, no presents on Christmas? Fudge that, my guy. – This is the worst Christmas ever. – [Narrator] Trying to
undo this train wreck, Joey continues the rich holiday
tradition of lying to kids. Only Michelle cracks the case,
because Steph is a moron. Having been deceived by her loved ones dozens of times today, Steph retreats. Everyone’s a bunch of mopey sacks. Jesse says so what if
we’re stuck in an airport, there might be booze somewhere. Is anyone even looking for the booze? Christmas is about people
and hideous sweaters. We could have Christmas
here, which, at this point, is less of a suggestion and in fact the only fucking option. Jesse comes undone. This coat rack, it’s a Christmas tree. That vending machine, Christmas tree. Everything’s a goddamn Christmas tree! Jesse initiates a carol chant, forfeiting his right to not be murdered. People are playing dead to
dampen Jesse’s psychosis. Michelle fires up the conveyor belt and jettisons the only blood
parent left to stop her from burning it all down. It’s Christmas in a shithole, just like the first one, very authentic. And Danny should be dead, but isn’t. A Christmas miracle, nobody cares. Jesse’s pushy, horned-up dad insists Becky wants a morning breath kiss. Jesse says look, I get
it, you don’t want to be romantically involved, I get it. But we’re under the
mistletoe, and Christmas law says we gots to smooch. And they really go for
it in front of everyone. Full tongue, pretty cool. Santa out of nowhere, and it’s not Joey. Steph tugs his face and
determines he’s legit, illustrating how much social capital old bearded dudes have
with kids in December. Santa whips up some presents, peace. But if Joey still has his suit, who was that guy? That bald butthole from before vanished, and the fuck? Steph says she saw Santa flying away, ignoring the fact that seeing
anyone fly out of an airport is the opposite of amazing. Well, look at that, Santa is real, and he’s a huge fucking nerd. So what did we learn today? Do not travel on Christmas
Eve, you dumbass. It’s a great way to lose all your shit and get stuck in a blizzard
screaming at a vending machine. And you can take advantage
of people sexually during an emergency or holiday, or both if you’re a real piece of garbage. And Santa is real, but he goes
around being mean to people for fun I guess, we will never understand. And no matter what
anyone tries to tell you, it’s just not Christmas
without some goddamn presents. See you next time on A
Very Special Episode.

48 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *