The ‘Full House’ When Aunt Becky’s Kids Cheated Their Way Into School
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The ‘Full House’ When Aunt Becky’s Kids Cheated Their Way Into School

(bright music) – [Narrator] Aunt Becky arranged
a play date for the twins and some bozo named Cooper. The kiddos stack while
the moms talk sweaters. Cooper’s dad says it’s hard
finding friends for Coop because he’s SO smart. Jesse tries to keep up with
this tiny-brained brag sesh but while Nicky and
Alex can barely mumble, Coop speaks in full sentences. – Cooper talked good. – Cooper talks well. – Cooper’s ready to smacked
at an eighth grade level. Coop’s rents have been
beating him with flashcards to get him into Bouton Hall, the Bay Area’s most prestigious preschool. Aunt Becky and Jesse have been less proactive with their morons. – The most important choice a
parent can make for his child is to pick the right preschool. – [Narrator] I see way
Cooper says dumb shit in other people’s home. They warn if these kids don’t
get on the fast track now, they’ll wind up stupid failures sucking dick in alleyways
to pay for sweaters. ♪ A, B, C, D, E, F, G ♪ – [Narrator] Go fuck yourself Cooper. Danny’s training for
the Hypebeast Olympics. Kimmy got her license. She wants to take the gals for a ride in her brother’s car, The Wild Thing. – I have a rule. No daughters of mine are getting inside a vehicle called The Wild Thing. – [Narrator] Weirdly specific rule but its day has come. Jesse and Aunt Becky are
overwhelmed by Bouton’s application and not just because they
have to spell Katsopolis. To make matters worse,
Nicky and Alex are dumb. Joey comes in because he has no job. Jesse laments his boys
are not Bouton bound. Joey has an idea, lie your sack off on that application. A dad who cares would
give his kids an edge. And that edge is lying both your nuts off. – If I don’t lie for them, who will? – [Narrator] I’ve got 500 grand that says Aunt Becky can be persuaded. Danny’s back from a road test with Kimmy. Flawless, no notes. He gives his blessing
to ride that Wild Thing. Bouton Hall called. The application was unbelievable, impossible to believe. They want the boys to
interview this afternoon. – I’m gonna go give them a bath. Somehow they look smarter
when they’re clean. – [Narrator] Might wanna scrub those boneheads twice, Aunt Becks. Jesse wanted to impress Bouton Hall so he wore his fanciest
chain and taco meat shirt. He confesses he made some itty-bitty lies on the application. – Ambassador and Mrs. Katsopolis. – [Narrator] Itty-witty-bitty lies. But worse than that is this school spies on applicants through two-way glass? Psycho shit. They get front-row tickets to Jesse jostling his kids’ tiny brains and cleaning his nasty teeth. She reveals they’ve been observing as part of their super
normal interview process. Then talks more about
that fast track nonsense. Jesse and Becky will keep teaching at home to reap the school’s benefits. – Oh yeah, well, our kids love to reap. – [Narrator] They love to
reap what Aunt Becky sows. Jesse tries to bounce before the bi-lingual intelligence test when Aunt Becky comes clean, Jesse lied, but smart interview lady
already deduced that and doesn’t care. It shows they want what’s
best for their kids. Huh, okay. Meanwhile, the gals
are driving Wild Thing, listening to the song “Wild Thing”, a bit on the nose, who cares? They spot some nerds and goof on them by running around their car
but lock themselves out. Whoops, who cares? Danny pulls up thanks to TV dad magic. He’s disappointed they had fun and send them walking all the way home from what appears to
be the Hollywood Hills. Jesse is yelling at his kids to learn while they wait to hear from Bouton. Aunt Becky says they’re not having fun. Back off the learning
and let them be kids. Michelle comes in on her
yee-haw shit with a letter. The twins got in. And we never see Cooper ever again. He cracked under his parents’
unreasonable pressures and probably fucking killed himself under a pile of sweaters. So what did we learn today? Private preschools just want money. There’s no such thing as a smart baby, especially when the brains of one idiot gets distributed between two bodies. And if you pick having fun
over educating your child it’s okay to cheat their dumb
ass into a privileged school because you want what’s best for them, just ask Aunt Becky. And only a dope would goof
on Bay Area nerds in the ’90s because those dorks are billionaires now. See you next time on a
very special episode.


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