• Average Andy, Chrissy Teigen and Her Mom Go Through a Haunted House
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    Average Andy, Chrissy Teigen and Her Mom Go Through a Haunted House

    So Mom, Andy– for our second haunted house– The agreement every year with this show, because of how much I dislike this feeling– We– –was I would only do one. But what you do is you guilt me into saying that your mother wants to do one, and– How do you say no to my mom? That’s what I’m saying. She loves this show! I’m not going to say no– I grew up on this stuff. –but there’s going to be issues back at the office over this. OK. [LAUGHING] I’m cool. Momma–Momma protects us. OK, let’s go. Ready? All right? Yeah. [SCREAMING] What the [BLEEP]? Come on, Momma. It’s…

  • Ellen Sends ‘Scandal’ to a Haunted House!
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    Ellen Sends ‘Scandal’ to a Haunted House!

    – YOU WENT THROUGH THE HAUNTED HOUSE AT UNIVERSAL. LET’S TAKE A LOOK. both: HI, ELLEN! – WE ARE HERE AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS… both: HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS. – THIS THE “AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON” MAZE. – LET’S DO THIS! – HERE WE GO! [shouts] – OH, MY GOD. WHY ARE WE DOING THIS? – YOU’RE GOOD. YOU’RE GOOD. YOU’RE GOOD, KATIE. – THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS WITH ME. [both screaming] – OH, MY GOD. I STEPPED ON YOU. I’M SO SORRY. – OH, MY GOD. – [laughs] – WHAT IS THAT? WHAT IS THAT? I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING. OH, [bleep]. [bleep]! OH, NO! – AH, [bleep]! WE’RE GOOD, WE’RE…

  • Michelle Obama Tried to Escape the White House to Celebrate the Legalization of Gay Marriage
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    Michelle Obama Tried to Escape the White House to Celebrate the Legalization of Gay Marriage

    So you talk about, in the book, also the night that gay marriage passed. And this is a great story. Yeah. One of the interesting things– I bring it up to talk about just how vastly different one day could be in the White House during our administration. And the day that Barack and I went to the funeral where he famously sang Amazing Grace. We were at that funeral, but we flew back. In that same day, marriage equality was passed. And– [CROWD CHEERING] that same day. And we’re in the White House. And when you’re in the residence, there’s so much bullet-proof glass that sometimes you don’t hear…

  • Ellen’s Got Real Estate Tips
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    Ellen’s Got Real Estate Tips

    – I love real estate, and I think people know that. I love to buy houses, I like to sell houses. When I order a drink, I’d like it to be on the house. And– [laughter] I always want to know what houses are out there, so I’m always looking at the real estate listings. But you have to know how to read them, because they use these secret codes, and they put in things that seem positive, and they’re not, so since I know a few things about homes, and as the creator of HGTV’s “Ellen’s Design Challenge,” Mondays at 9:00– [cheers and applause] Oh, thank you. Oh, thank…

  • Obama Releases Birth Video at the 2011 White House Correspondents Dinner
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    Obama Releases Birth Video at the 2011 White House Correspondents Dinner

    President Barack Obama: Tonight, for the first time, I am releasing my official birth video. (Laughter.) Now, I warn you — (laughter) — no one has seen this footage in 50 years, not even me. But let’s take a look. (“Secret Birth Video” plays.) [It’s a clip from the “The Lion King” movie.] (Applause.) Oh, well. Back to square one. (Laughter.) I want to make clear to the Fox News table: That was a joke. (Laughter.) That was not my real birth video. (Laughter.) That was a children’s cartoon. (Laughter.) Call Disney if you don’t believe me. (Laughter.) They have the original long-form version. (Laughter.)

  • Sarah Paulson & Andy Lassner Scream Their Way Through a Haunted House
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    Sarah Paulson & Andy Lassner Scream Their Way Through a Haunted House

    [music playing] Every year for Halloween, I send my executive producer Andy to a haunted house. [applause] He gets so scared that I have to send someone to hold his hand. And this year, one of my viewers suggested that I send Sarah Paulson. I don’t know if you remember, but I scared Sarah Paulson, not one, not two, but three times. Since she was so brave, I sent her and Andy to the Universal Studios Halloween Horror Night’s American Horror Story Maze. Hi, Ellen. Hi, Ellen. Sarah Paulson. Hi. You know her. We love her. Ridiculously talented actress. I’m not sure what love means to you people. So here…

  • Joel McHale at the 2014 White House Correspondents’ Dinner (HD Complete)
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    Joel McHale at the 2014 White House Correspondents’ Dinner (HD Complete)

    JOEL MCHALE: All right, everybody. Here we go. I am the last person standing between you and your after-party. So in just an hour and 15 minutes, you’ll be walking out of here, all right? (Laughter.) I’m going to break Jay Leno‘s record tonight. Strap in. Here we go. (Laughter.) Good evening, Mr. President — or as Paul Ryan refers to you, yet another inner-city minority relying on the federal government to feed and house your family. (Laughter.) I’m a big fan of President Obama. I think he’s one of the all- time great presidents — definitely in the top 50. (Laughter.) Please explain that to Jessica Simpson. (Laughter.) You’re…