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LGR – Land of the Unicorn – DOS PC Game Review


[MIDI piano music] [typing] [music continues] [music slows down and stops]
Okay! Please! Just… stop. This… sucks. So as you may have guessed, all you do
is decipher antonyms and synonyms in both the study program and
the separate adventure game. And you know, I guess that would be fine. I mean, it kind of serves its purpose in that regard, except that literally everything else about this is so bland it actually hurts my feelings. Deeply. Navigate a terrible maze with terrible controls with a terrible unicorn, collecting terrible keys, and avoiding the occasional terrible bridge troll that will either take your money or steal your money if you say you have the money, but you don’t! Dick snot! You’d think that collecting the colored keys
to open the doors would be challenging. I mean, that is the goal after all. But if you want to open a specific door, all you have to do is keep
coming back to a certain key until it changes to the color you want. So that’s not even challenging, or fun. The most exciting thing about this game is the AdLib music that’s
playing in the background here. Which is so strangely upbeat and out of place that I really, genuinely start
to question the fabric of space and time and my shirt and my chair! What are they? I don’t even know. Cool music, though. [upbeat MIDI music plays] Well, and the ending. I mean, that’s… that’s kind of exciting because it’s just totally fricking random. Once you happen to open the correct
door by complete total chance, you will get this bit of acid-fueled weirdness. And that’s it. You’re kicked back to DOS. “A challenging and entertaining learning environment.” Challenging? No.
Entertaining? No. Uh, lies! Deciept. Falsehoods! Betrayal. Death. And carnage. Land of the Unicorn by Unicorn Software. [MIDI music plays louder]

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