If Action Heroes Had Your Resume
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If Action Heroes Had Your Resume

(lighthearted music) – Before you say anything, the other guy started it. – I don’t want to hear it. What the hell is wrong with you, Max? Another bar fight? You’re better than this. God, in all my years of sector command I’ve never met a prospect like you. This is one hell of an impressive resume. Bachelor’s degree in English
with a minor in film studies, a 2.92 GPA, proficiency
in Microsoft Office. – I know what I can do. – And you’re throwing it all away, Max. America needs you. What if we need to do a mail merger, build our macros in Excel? – I guess you’ll just
have to find someone else, because when I said I was
proficient in Microsoft Word I just meant I used it
to write a few essays. – No, you’re selling yourself short Max. I can see here that you’re a fast learner. That you’re a real go-getter. We could sure as hell
use someone with your attention to de-taple. – Why do you care so much? – Because we need someone
who has your training. I mean you’ve got
bartending certification, improv classes, couples cooking. Member, a full-fledged
member, of the chess club. Sales associate at a Cinnabon
for 30 whole days one summer. And don’t even get me started
on your special interests. – Boats. – That’s right, just the word boats. – If I come back this
time, what’s different? – We want to give you your own division. We’re impressed by your leadership skills. – Secretary of the high school anime club? – That’s an important role. Must be, it’s the only bullet
point under the huge heading that says leadership experience. – If you make the top part bigger, it makes the one thing
you have seem better. – That’s smart thinking, Max. – I’m sorry, I can’t. – Damnit Max, I need someone with your problem solving skills. I mean look at this,
you couldn’t figure out how to print double sided
so you stapled two pages back to back. – So you noticed that, huh? – You’re damn right I noticed that. I noticed that it’s two
different paper stocks too. Where the hell else am
I gonna find someone who’s comfortable with Spanish? That’s almost fluent, Max! – Well as they say in Mexico, no. I’m sick of your rules. – I’m not giving up on
you until you say yes. – Well you know where to find me. – That’s right,
[email protected] – Actually that’s an old email. – Oh, that’s what you have
written down on the resume. – I forgot to change the header part. – Oh. – I have a new one
that’s more professional, it’s [email protected] – Then I guess I’ll be
contacting you there. You know, would’ve expected a lot more from the son of Bruce Action. – My father? – He was a good man. – Wait. What’s the gig? – It’s an unpaid internship. (intense music) Hi, it’s Mike Trapp from CollegeHumor. Click here to subscribe, click
here for more fun things, and send help to keep me from sinking. Please. Please help, please help.


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