T: Neville gonna give you up. Neville gonna let you down. Neville gonna turn around and– J: Petrificus Totalus! (Intro Music) T: What is up everybody? Goodness, can you believe how far through this year we’ve already gotten? Summer is basically over, school is starting back up here in America, and Halloween is just around the corner! L: Ah, Halloween. Is that the reason for your new… um plum-pigmented pili? T: Logan, look at you with the purple hair It is very becoming. L: Becoming a nuisance? Is that what you were trying to say? How is anyone supposed to take me seriously when your head looks like Barney’s unshaven armpit? T: Nah, I like it and it’s not for Halloween by the way. L: Just to make me look foolish then? Huh, Thomas? Well. Congratulations on having graduated to full-time clown. P: Congratulations on the cool colorful crown! L: Yeah. Well, your sincere, congratulatory remark recolors my sardonic slight and makes it appear sincere. Let it be known I do not like the hair. T: You know, for some reason, not surprised that you like it, Patton. P: Whatever makes you happy. I see a little peri-twinkle in your iris. Two different pur– shades of purple. R: It is a brilliant iridescent display. Though, I still say you could have gone with even more colors! Full rainbow next time! P: (Gasp) L: Awful idea. T: Oh, I’m already full rainbow all the time. R: What? You did not! Anyway, where’s Virgil? I wanna see what good ol’ “Panic! At The Everywhere” has to say about this. P: (Gasp) Yes! T: (Chuckles) Yeah, he does have something to say. T: (Little baby voice) Virgil wanna come out… come out and see… see what people think of the hair? V: (Groan) R: YASS BOI. Get it.
P: YESS! (Snaps fingers) T: Hey, dude! That’s… I don’t know why I said that. What do you – What do you have to say? V: Look, you know me by now. You know I’m gonna have some concerns. T: And that’s okay. What’s up? V: It’s just, you don’t know what people are thinking or saying about it. T: Yeah, I will always have that little bit of nervousness about what people think of my appearance. Colored hair or not, but… …honestly, I’m happy with the change-up. P: If you’re looking for a reason, Logan it makes Thomas happy. And isn’t good mental health an important reason? L: (Inhales) YEAH. R: It certainly helped me think of a few new possibilities for the Great Selfie Games. V: And, I guess there is sort of a uh dark edginess to it, like one of those Crayola crayon Halloween packs. R: That is your standard for dark edginess? V: I – I don’t know. I’m just trying not to bring the group down here. P: You only help to lift me up, you sweet and sour misunderstood shadow-ling. V: (Inhale) What? T: Ju- hmm, just nod and agree. He has a lot of love to give. V: Well all I’m saying is, Thomas, in your past it’s been far easier to just blend in. When you make yourself stand out like this, yeah, it can be good, but a lot of times it can be not so good. L: He’s trying not to be harsh so as not to be too distressing but he is the source of your anxiety. This is odd. He is odd. T: Logan- L: But, he does have a point. Might one’s effort to find happiness in unique self-expression lead to the unhappy result of being the odd one out? T: I mean yeah, I see the concern but I- I don’t think that should keep us from taking that risk. If it’s not hurting me, or others, sometimes being the odd one out can be fun. V: Speak for yourself. Being the odd one out was my whole presence here, and it was not fun. R: Aha! That is the crux of this issue. Virgil is a little too familiar with rejection and has had his fill. V: What? No. R: He doesn’t realize that sometimes standing out can feel outstanding! and I would know! T: Oh, well, shoot. Maybe we need to make you feel included as a valued part of me so that you don’t feel wrong for being different. L: Roman, that was… astute. R: I know! L: And you used the word ‘iridescence’ earlier. You are on a clever streak today, which is unusual for you. R:I kno- wait, what? P: TONKS!!!!! R: (Screams) GOSH! I literally almost took your whole face out. T: Patton, you now have our attention. P: That’s what your hair reminds me of! Nymphadora Tonks. The metamorphmagus from Harry Potter. L: Okay, both of you with your big words today, stealing my thing. No big deal. T: HARRY POTTER!! R: DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE?! Right? Is that what you were quoting from like Dumbledore from the fourth movie. Like what was that? It was such a weird line translation from the book to th- the mov… No? T: Ah, it was more of a Harry Potter-themed idea I had just now, but that was um, that was great. R: Aw, I know. T: Virgil, Harry Potter was this amazing book series that combined magic and fantasy and giant trolls and, like, troll bogeys – V: Yeah, I know what Harry Potter is. T: But it also gave us this really cool system that helps us figure out where we fit in. P: Oh, I can SORT of see where you’re going with this, Thomas. T: HATS off to you, Patton, eh? P: (In a low voice) Aragog: a ginormous spider in the Harry Potter universe. T: Wait what? No – P: He’s bold. He’s terrifying and no matter where we all fit in… …we are all his prey. T: That… was not where I was going with that, Patton. But point well made. P: He must be stopped. T: Hogwarts houses! In the books the students get sorted into four different Hogwarts houses based off of the qualities that they exhibit. P: Oh, that makes more sense. L: Okay, so you’re saying this magical, some might say, nonsensical talking headwear sorting system could be of use to us? T: Well, although being simply a device in the books, people reading them also began to be curious as to where they may be sorted if they went to Hogwarts, and a lot of Harry Potter house quizzes appeared online. It sort of helped promote this idea that we may be different, but we’re all valued and important and part of the same “school.” L: But the school’s not real! R: It’s a metaphor, Erlenmeyer trash. P: Oh, SCHOOLED him!! Don’t be mean though. R: Fantasy worlds are my jam, bro-ham. L: Listen, I’m just doing my best over here… R: BOOM L: …you guys. V: So what’s the plan here? T: We’re gonna sort you!! V: Sort me? T: Well sure! I myself am a Hufflepuff. T: But you all are different facets of my personality with different strengths and weaknesses. It may take some discussion, but I am sure that we can thoughtfully deduce where each of you– R: Gryffindor. Hufflepuff. Ravenclaw. Slytherin. There we go! End of Sanders Sides video. Until next time everyone… P: Oh yayyy L: Thank God. T: Whoa! Wh-whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! V: Why am I a Slytherin? What are the qualifications? R: Well, you’re the… …you’re the dark and sinister one. T: Pump the brakes, Princey! That is not what qualifies a Slytherin! R: Well all the other houses are definitely taken by us, so it’s the only one he could possibly fit into. T: And that is a great example of what we are NOT going to do with Virgil. L: Okay, look fantasy is not my jam. My jam of choice is Crofters. And this video isn’t even sponsored. I’m just a fan. Crofters: The only jelly I will put in my belly. T: What… …was that?? R: Yeah, I mean, I love me a good spoonful of Crofters, but that was a little out of left field, Logan. T: What is happening!? L: Fruit spreads aside… I’ve done some thinking on this fantasy organization process. This uh- Dobby Decimal System. R: Nice. L: Thanks. Whether or not the results of these quizzes that determine which Hogwarts house one belongs to are authentic, they can reinforce one’s sense of self, so if this is necessary to help Virgil feel better about himself, then I support it. With that said, let’s break down these houses. Shall we? T: Sure, you, uh, you have Gryffindor. R: The brave ones! T: Well. Yeah, but that’s an oversimplification. They’re also determined and chivalrous. V: And this is the one Roman thinks he’s in? R: Yuh-doy. T: Then there’s Ravenclaw. Typically known as the wise and clever ones. L: Ah, that is me. Isn’t it? R: The ones who think they’re smarter than everyone else? L: Wha- I don’t think I’m smarter than everyone else. I know I’m smarter than everyone else. R: (Annoyed sigh) T: Then there’s Hufflepuff, the loyal and friendly ones. P: Oh, is that what you think of me, Roman? R: I mean yeah, you’re the softest little puffball we got, padre. V: You don’t have to be mean to him– P: Awww!! Thank you, Roman!! R: See? T: And then there is Slytherin, who, yes, get a rep in the books for being the bad guys but they’re mainly known for being ambitious, cunning, strong leaders. V: But that- That’s not me. R: Ye- N-no. hmm What the heck-ity heck? Five abs and one peck. L: What a visual. T: What was that? R: Just a little something I like to say when I’m confused so that I’m not alone in my confusion. See? It works. Virgil is not a Slytherin. P: Oh darn! It was so close to being perfect. V: Well, sorry to ruin that for you. L: You didn’t ruin anything. P: If you keep talking bad about yourself, I’m going to physically fight you!! T: No. No. That is the opposite of helpful, Patton. P: Nobody talks about my child like that. T: Okay… O- Okay, buddy. They are right though, Anxiety. I mean, this is why I think it’s a good exercise. Maybe this will help me to look at my aspects from different angles. Maybe it’s not so simple. R: Agh, why is it never simple? L: Yes, for instance you Roman sound more like a Slytherin. R: What? I do not! L: Oh, so you don’t think you’re a strong leader? You don’t think you’re cunning? R: I’m not evil! V: Says who? T: Slytherins are not all evil. Okay? Let’s just get rid of that idea right now. R: But- Voldemort! P: (Hushed) Don’t say his name! R: Well okay, Patton seems more like a Ravenclaw to me! P: Oooh… It’s blue! L: Um… that doesn’t follow at all. P: Indubiously. R: Well, he’s always the one coming up with those witty puns! L: You call those witty? P: You call those glasses? L: I mean, yes. I’m not sure if you’re implying, something– P: I don’t think they’ll pick up. They don’t have a cell phone. ZING! (Laughs) L: (Exhales) Okay, I’m gonna walk that off for a second. T: There it is. Good. See? This is what I mean by rethinking qualities. P: Logan seems more like a Gryffindor. L: You see? Patton makes statements like that and you think he is a Ravenclaw? R: Uh.. Why is that now, Patton? P: Because he’s my hero. L: (Clapping between each syllable) We Get It! You’re Adorable! T: Patton may have a point. I mean Hermione was a Gryffindor and she was the smartest of them all. Gryffindors are also known to have short tempers which I think could apply to both of you. R: Oh, shut up! L: FALSEHOOD! V: Wow- I did not miss that. L: Gryffindors are self-righteous and arrogant. R: Oh, okay, Patton. I wasn’t totally convinced before, but maybe Logan is a Gryffindor. V: I do see that. P: Right? L: Also, they are impulsive and have no regard for the rules. Does that sound like me? And also, that would- what? Leave Anxiety as Hufflepuff? T: You, I mean, you don’t all have to be in different houses. P: Oh bu- w- w-, ah wo- w-, well wouldn’t that be nifty? V: How would I be a Hufflepuff? P: You are hardworking. R: -working hard to make Thomas parano- -vigilant! ‘Paranovigilant!’ Did you like that? I just made that word up just now. I’m basically Shakespeare! V: I don’t work that hard. P: Oh! Hufflepuffs are also modest. V: Less modest, more self-deprecating. P: What’s that? V: I talk bad about myself. P: I will physically fight you! L: Hufflepuffs are also known to be honest and you certainly keep things 100. T: That was nice Logan. P: Yup! Honest, patient and impartial. V: Impartial? P: Yep! They tend to not take sides unless given good reason to. V: (Laughs) One thing that I am NOT in this group is impartial. I am always bringing up the cons to anything you guys talk about. T: Oh, I mean I don’t think that’s exactly what Patton meant. V: I don’t know… plus, I’m hardly patient. T: No biggie! If that’s not what you feel you are– P: We can keep this magical mishmash going. Prince can be Hufflepuff. R: Okay, but this sorting has to make some sense. P: Cedric Diggory was a Hufflepuff and he was a Triwizard champion. (Quietly) Before he died. R: (Quietly) So was Harry and he was a Gryffindor. T: And Hufflepuffs are said to make the best companions. R: In a romantic sense? T: Why not? P: They’re also particularly good finders. V: And you are very good at finding new ways to insult me. R: Nooo, hey! V: Not this time around, relax. I noticed the effort. You’re good. R: Phew. Okay. Well Logan, you could be the Slytherin of the group. L: Oooh. I can actually understand that. Cunning, resourceful, a strong leader– P: A disregard for the rules. L: Wai- wait what? No, that.. that’s Gryffindor (Nervous laugh) T: It is Gryffindor, but it’s also Slytherin. Dumbledore did say that that was a quality Salazar Slytherin valued. “A certain disregard for the rules.” L: That was a Gryffindor talking about a Slytherin. I spy an obvious bias. T: Okay, but it was Severus Snape who said that Gryffindors have no regards for the rules, so, hey maybe they both do, maybe just one does, maybe they both don’t. We could do this all day, so let’s just move on. V: Patton could be Gryffindor. P: (Gasp) Oooh I look like a pirate. R: Explain.
L: Please. V: I don’t know He’s Thomas’s heart. He just seems like the most impulsive and reckless at times I mean we’re constantly working to rein him in. T: Good point! See, that was a really good point to you. Also, valid argument, Virgil. P: All right! So you must be a Ravenclaw. V: I mean, maybe. L: If anyone else here was going to be Ravenclaw, I would think it would be you. R: You are definitely a bit eccentric. P: You’re the common sense we need. T: You cause me to think through all possible outcomes to any given situation. P: You’ve always been a savvy Sybill (Quietly) Trelawney. V: I suppose, but I don’t know. I’m just the one who points out the problems. Ravenclaws are the ones who are innovative enough to actually solve the problems. T: What are you talking about? You’ve done that before! V: By accident. Or by drawing upon the information that you already knew. T: So… you’re saying that one’s also an uncomfortable fit. V: I don’t think it fully sums me up. R: (Sigh) Perhaps you’re right. We found certain traits that we can relate to, but maybe it’s best we stick with where we feel most comfortable. L: Well, If we went solely by that, then this seems the most accurate to me. P: This feels the most right for me. R: Yeah, no surprise here you guys, ah! T: Virge? How you feeling? V: I’m not sure. R: Well, uh… they don’t all have to be different. Does Gryffindor feel best for you? V: One thing I feel like I’m not is reckless. R: Ah, fair point. V: (Sigh) I’m not impartial and frankly, not very friendly. P: (Quietly) I will fight you. V: (Sigh) I’m a problem identifier, but not a problem solver. And then there is what everyone expects me to be. But I don’t feel like an ambitious cunning leader. I feel more like a play-it-safe, evasive, worrier. So, what does this mean? I- I went into this hoping to make better sense of it all but- Now I’m even more confused than ever. T: So you don’t quite fit into any of the houses perfectly, big deal. You know who could have been in Slytherin or Gryffindor? Harry Freakin’ Potter. L: Hermione was going to be in Ravenclaw, but exemplified Gryffindor traits more. P: Neville wanted to be in Hufflepuff because he didn’t see the Gryffindor traits in himself at all. R: You guys are making me feel really good about my house. Thank you! T: Point is, there are examples of people who toe the line between multiple categories. And they fit however they wanna fit. V: But I don’t fit, that’s the thing. P: Says who?! L: You could be a Ravenclaw with Hufflepuff tendencies, a Slytherin with Gryffindor tendencies- no wait- no, not that one. P: You can be Raphael and Donatello. L: Well, that’s mixing metaphors. Let’s not confuse the issue- R: A water-bender and an earth-bender. L: O-only if you were the Avatar. Wha- I thought we were talking about Harry Potter. T: (Low voice) You’re a Greyjoy, and you’re a Stark. L: Thomas, you don’t even watch Game of Thrones. How- how do you- R: You should though, it’s so good. T: Yeah, I’ve heard. V: I think I’m getting it guys. It’s just, I wish that I was a little bit more simple to understand. T: Oh, who wants that? No one is or should be that simple. I mean just the fact that my Hufflepuff self is comprised of so many different aspects and passions is amazing! Figuring yourself out should be an adventure. And in the meantime, don’t be afraid to stand out a little! Embrace your differences, heck, I dyed my hair this saucy shade of sangria for a change, and I like feeling a bit unique. Hopefully you can too. V: Well, then I’m not picking a house. I don’t need to belong to a specific Hogwarts house in order to belong with you guys. P: Awww!! I’m proud of you. R: Ten points to- ah um… uh Virgil! L: That was an option? I didn’t have to participate in this at all? R: Say Thomas, your hair and these emblems are giving me an idea. T: Roman. Make it work. (Mumbles) Project Runway. R: I say we go for a bit of a change, too. P: Ooh, how? L: If you say Mind Palace again… (Scoffs) We haven’t even been back to the one that you created in a long- oh that’s nice. P: Oh, new emblem thingy. T: Oh prince 2.0h my goodness. P: Your shoulders were so boring to look at before. R: Yeah, it’s just a bit of a change, but I thought it would be nice. L: Well, I suppose I could also participate, but I’m not gonna go as ornate or elaborate. I would just look silly. R: I set the bar too high for you. That’s okay. L: (Clears throat) There. Nice simple logo change, clear and to the point. P: Hey Logan! Matching logos! L: That’s… very nice Patton. P: Mine is a heart with glasses. L: Stealing my logo, no big deal. R: What’s going on with your cardigan? L: Is that your cat onesie? P: Maaaybe? L: Agh, that will not suffice. P: Ugh, you never let me do anything fun. R: Figure it out, buddy. Maybe something different for next time. P: Virgil, your turn. V: Oh my goodness, do I have to? I mean, like, so many changes- I just told you my name. R: No no, you don’t have to. I just thought- V: I actually, agh, I actually had this idea, but, like, it’s a little out there. So, um… T: Go ahead. I mean, if you don’t like it you can always change back. V: (Sigh) Well… all right, but, um, before I do, I should probably confess that, uh- I actually really dig the purple. P: WHOAAAA- L: That design…
P: -OOOAAAAA- T: Get on his level.
P: -AAAAA- (Coughing fit) R: You good, Patton? P: I got overexcited… L: Well, I will say this much: that is- a jacket. R: That is… magnificent how you’ve managed to become even angstier. V: Oh-kay… R: No-no-no, if that’s what you want to, uh… rock then you rock it, sir. Who needs a Hogwarts house when you have your own Hog-wild style! I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. V: Yeah, it is, uh, pretty Hog-wild L: Wonderful. I hope that you feel a little bit more like a part of this group, Virgil. V: I- uh, I do. L: I’d say we can call it a day if we’re done swapping looks. R: And talking books. L: I prefer reading on a Nook. R: That response has me shook. P: Would you look at the time on the… clook! T: Patton, the video is about doing your own thing. So- don’t… do what they’re doing- Honestly. Anyway, great new style Virgil. V: Thanks. Now I feel as big of a weirdo as the rest of these guys. T: That’s good. You fit right in. V: Ah, I saw what you did there, a nice, little “bring it around full circle.” That was cute. T: Yeah, I couldn’t help myself. If any of you feel like you don’t fit in that is okay. It’s also okay if whatever Hogwarts house you identify with doesn’t perfectly embody you as an individual. There are many ways to look at ourselves and figuring our selves out can be an ongoing thing for many of us. Try to embrace the mystery that you are: all the things that help you relate to others and all the things that make you stand out. Until next time, take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals. PEACE OUT! Before we enter the end card, just letting you know, if any of those little logos at the end of the video interested you, we now have them in shirt form. Also, in hoodie form, tank top, pins, buttons. If any of these things interest you, you can go to this website down here or click that link right over there. Any support would be great, it would help us to make future videos, but if not, don’t feel obligated. No big deal. Just you guys watching is support enough, so thank you so much. P: Hey, do you think that we can wear the new stuff and the Harry Potter stuff, like, all the time? L: It seems a bit excessive. V: It’s not my house, but purple and green seem to go together, right? R: Boy, it’s a good thing that all this Harry Potter merchandise is just a figment of Thomas’ imagination that he can just freely conjure up! L: Oh, I know. Could you imagine how much money one would have to spend in order to have all these things for one simple video? R: (Laughs)
L: Humorous. Simply Humorous.
P: (Joins laughter) R: (Laughing) Could you imagine? (Continues to laugh) L: Crofters! R: Oh my! P: That’d be silly.