Financial Tips For BROKE People
Articles,  Blog

Financial Tips For BROKE People


– Hey guys, Grant here. I know you’ve seen these
articles on the internet like five tips to manage your money and you’ve thought to
yourself, to manage money, I have to have money, but that’s not true. I’m broke, and I’m going to give you the broke person version of
those same five tips. Quote non-essentials are
different for broke people and I’ll bet there’s a big one
you’re wasting your money on, health insurance. Just think about all the
money you’d save if you didn’t pay for health insurance. Worried about the tax penalty, don’t be. Health insurance is way more expensive. Uh, but what if I get sick and die? Hey, death would be one great way out of your financial problems. Every article you read is
gonna tell you to save money and they’re right. Broke people can do that too, how? Coins, take that stolen
pint glass full of coins you keep on the ironing
board you use as a table and run it through one of
those cash for coins machines. Uh, Grant, don’t those
machines take a percentage of what I put in? Not if you’re smart. Tell that machine you want
the money in a gift card so it won’t take that percentage. Don’t have the internet so
you can’t use a gift card? No problem, just reach
around behind the machine and pull out the ethernet
cable so it can’t communicate with the card server. Hey, maybe you’ll get
lucky and be electrocuted. Now, if you have money,
diversification means having a mix of stocks and
bonds, but if you’re broke, it means getting cash however you can. Get creative, you could open a credit card under a fake name. Hey, it’s not like you’re
gonna pay off the ones you have anyway. You could start selling pills. I’ll bet you have a relative
that has a prescription for something fun, steal it. You could open a charity for a fake cause. Hey, maybe you’ll get lucky
and some of that money will be coated in a fatal virus. Investing is important. The broke person version of investing is having a friend with money. A friend with money can bail
you out when you break your arm and can’t wait tables, or
when you need antibiotics but you don’t qualify for Medicaid, so make sure you protect your investment. Grant, I have a friend who’s
dating someone responsible and they want to cut me off. That’s where protecting
your investment comes in. How, offer your friend analingus. Hey, maybe you’ll get lucky and suffocate. The goal of a hedgefund is
to try to beat the market using what’s called active management. This can be tempting, but
that kind of portfolio can end up costing more
than it’s worth in fees. It’s much better to use a
passively managed index fund which, no, I’m kidding, this
will never apply to you. Eat ass and think about ways to die. Hey, it’s Grant from College Humor. Thank you for watching. Click here to subscribe to the channel, click here to watch another video, and click here if you want
to see what I look like without a shirt on. Ahh, weird that it’s the same, isn’t it?

45 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *