Fake News Investigative Journalists
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Fake News Investigative Journalists

– Okay people, what have you got for me? – So I have been working on this story about how Harry Reid is a murdering satanist fascist rapist atheist. Is that too many things? – I don’t think that’s enough things. Chris, what have you got? – Donald Trump says, “What?” – It’s a good start, but what does he say? – I don’t know. – Alright, well figure it out by two and it had better not be true this time. – Oh, come on! Everything the guy says sounds fake. – That’s not my problem. Terry. – I’m working on a story on conflicts of interest in government. – Why? No, Terry I looked at your
earlier work on this piece. I don’t think there’s not a story there. – How can you say that? There’s barely anything here. It’s almost all fake. – No, this is thoughtful journalism and I’m looking for sub-tabloid schlock. – I just wrote five stories. – This is what I’m looking for. Can you do that for me for once? Thank you. – Peter, take a look at this. – Where did you get this? – I made it up. – Holy shit. How deep does this thing go? – As deep as you want. As deep as you want. – My god. Okay, change of plans people. I want everyone working
this pope corruption piece. – What about my conflict
of interest story? – Oh what about it, Terry? What about it? This isn’t the Times, for Christ’s sake. This is patriotnews.info. We don’t have a reputation to uphold. Look at those awards. Do you see that? A lot of sweat and blood went into photoshopping those awards. – This story could define my career! – Oh, your career. This is bigger than you, kid! Why’d you get into fake
news in the first place? – Honestly, I don’t know. It’s crazy that it exists. – Well, I’ll tell you why I do it. I do this because I believe
the truth is powerful and it takes constant vigilance to
drown out that truth with noise. I do this because the
powerless deserve a voice and maybe that voice should be a crazy wackadoo coked-up conspiracy theorist meth head with a bad sense of humor. I do this because I
believe that politicians should be held accountable for the things we say they did, whether or not they actually did those things. You’re a fake news man. Start acting like one. – I don’t have sources. – What did you say? – Sources, hundreds of them, all of them totally non-existent. I don’t have quotes from named figures. I don’t have peer reviewed studies. I even don’t have video evidence and none of it points to
a worldwide conspiracy of the highest institutions
of power including you Pete. – Piss off a lot of people
running a story like that which would probably get us a lot of clicks so who gives a shit. (laughter) – I know, I know, so many clicks. – Clicks, clicks, clicks, clicks! (ominous music) – Hi. It’s Mike Trapp from College Humor. Click here to subscribe. Click here for more fun things and help to keep me from sinking. Please, please help. Please help.


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