Donald Trump’s Real Estate Tycoon – brutalmoose
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Donald Trump’s Real Estate Tycoon – brutalmoose

[Voice from Gauntlet] I’ve not seen such bravery Hello, everyone. Ian here, and today is a special day. It’s not often that I get to be topical on this show Given that I don’t cover current games But today is one of the exciting days where current events and old entertainment meet. Because today, we’re taking a look at “Donald Trump’s Real Estate Tycoon.” I had no idea that this game was ever made But that’s not really that surprising given that I didn’t really pay much attention to pre-presidential candidate Donald Trump. I knew he had hotels and buildings. There’s a tower somewhere and he was in a TV show or two, maybe? I was also unaware of Activision Value, the company that published this game. I didn’t know Activision ever had a value label. It turns out it was the result of a few company acquisitions, One of which was Head Games Publishing, Who you may remember from “Full Strength Strongman Competition.” So, this is slowly getting… worse. But let’s get started anyway. “Donald Trump’s Real Estate Tycoon.” Released in 2002 Developed by RedCap Software Garbage. “Take on the King!” The cover says as Trump looks down at us from on high. You know, I sure wish “The King” could’ve sprung for some higher-quality packaging. Mine came in a jewel case that’s a little… completely broken. *Game Music* The opening cinematic is a building being constructed. Still going, still going, aaaaaand there we are. *Game Music* Man, they really went all-out on this logo design, huh? The logo on the cover had kind of a children’s or young adult vibe to it, But this just kinda looks like Microsoft WordArt threw up a bit. Tycoon games are a bit hard to just jump in without knowing anything beforehand, So I’m going to look at the tutorial first. *Game Music* Woman: “Welcome to “Donald Trump’s Real Estate Tycoon.” Ian: Ew, what an ugly game. Ian: What, is that supposed to be marble? It just looks like some crumpled old paper like the game was pulled right out of a trash can. The tutorial is long and confusing, but I’ll try to go over the basics. We’re trying to become real-estate giants in five different cities. You can only do business during 6 AM and 10 PM And since there are different time zones, that means you have to hop from city to city, Making deals in active cities while the others sleep. Those deals consist of buying land, Building buildings, And renting out space in said buildings. All of which is easier said than done, Because of the terrible menu design. Everything’s just confusing. I mean, look here. Just to tell us how to save our game, the tutorial has to describe what the buttons even look like. Because they’re that vague. That’s not the first time either. The entire tutorial is basically just a button scavenger hunt. The game gives us a default name of Ruthless Rick, and our company name is Greed Inc. which is… charming. There’s also a handful of logos we can choose from. I’m just gonna stick with the defaults here Because nothing quite says “Greed Inc.” like “Arton” Right? Also I don’t care. Donald Trump: “Welcome to Donald Trump’s Real Estate Tycoon.” Ian: *chuckles* I like how they added a bit of reverb to his voice to make him sound extra important. Maybe I should do that. Donald Trump: “Have you got what it takes to buy, build, and sell better than the best developer on the planet?” Ian: You know what, Donald? I think I do. I think I’m ready to take on the King. They don’t call me Ruthless Rick for nothing. *Loud traffic noises block out Ian’s voice* They do because the game told them to. In Mission 1, all I have to do is build a building in each of the five cities. So let’s get started. I’ve decided that my buildings are all going to have the kind of look and style. I want people to be able to walk down the street, spot my building, and say, “Oh hey, look! There’s an Ian Original over there!” Beautiful! And there it is, the first Original Ian Building. Please enjoy the view. My buildings all feature a mostly complete exterior. There’s some exposed brick, but that’s intentional, probably. Copious amounts of dirt. And they all kind of look like they may have almost burned down at one point. Because of all the dirt. Once my five buildings are built, the mission is complete and we get one of the best “Mission Complete” sequences ever. *jazzy fanfare music* Yeah! Wasn’t that great? I especially love how it not only failed to congratulate me in any form or fashion, but it also managed to show me a building that looks nothing like anything that I built. “Hey! You actually figured out how to play our game? Congratulations! Here’s a 3D rendering of a random building for your troubles.” Donald Trump: “Tear down three buildings in Paris.” “The problem is, you don’t have enough cash to tear the houses down immediately.” Ian: *in mockingly reverberated voice* Of course, anything you say, Donald. Mission 2 is all about tearing down buildings. Take this building, for instance. It’s a nice, sturdy-looking building, which I’m sure houses a number of people’s hopes and dreams. And in regards to the people living there, basically their entire life. Time to tear it down! *laugh track as wrecking ball sound plays* To fund my ruthless demolition escapade, I’m taking a number of large loans Which is great, because the vacant lots I’m producing are sure to bring in the big bucks. Just in case though, I built a tiny little building, planning to get some extra revenue out of it. Then, after letting some people and businesses move in, I decided to just tear it down and stick with my original plan. Wait, mission complete? So tearing down my own tiny building counted towards the mission? Well, you know what that means! *jazzy fanfare music* Donald Trump: “Corner the market in London in 60 months. This sounds easy-” Ian: Oh, come on, Donald, that sounds easy? You’re talking to me here, laying down on the floor to avoid my obligations sounds easy Cornering the real-estate market in London sounds at least… … a little tricky. I beat the previous two missions using a combination of low construction standards, high dollar loans, and random chance and I have a feeling that I’m in a bit of trouble here. I don’t know that I can get this done; I mean we went from ‘Tear down three buildings’ to ‘Buy literally every property in London.’ That’s a pretty big jump. Regardless, I begin to build my garbage buildings, hoping to start bringing in some revenue It quickly becomes apparent that I really have no idea what I’m doing The tutorial and previous missions have not prepared me for this. Renting out space in my buildings brings in a little bit of money but that’s cancelled out by the amount I’m paying on these huge loans, and before long i’m out of money. Though… really, I did get a lot further than I expected. To top it all off, it turns out that I drained my entire fortune in just four months, so… Way to go, me! *jazzy fanfare music* The game has another two missions to play and then after that you can challenge Trump. Where you both try to amass the biggest fortune in a set time limit. The best part of the game by far though are the people wandering around outside You can click on them and they say things! Gentleman: “I’m on my way to the Lynx (?), chaps.” Curious Man: “Is that a firefighter over there?” Rich Woman: “I would pay top dollar for a view of the tower.” Liar: “It’s very crowded here.” Lovestruck woman: “It is very romantic here” Lovestruck woman 2: “It is very romantic here” What? I didn’t say it was gonna be any good, just that it was the best part of the game. So that’s all I played of “Donald Trump’s Real-Estate Tycoon” It seems like it’s just a crappy tycoon game that they managed to rope Donald into in hopes of selling some extra copies. It also seems like it’s incredibly ugly, incredibly boring, which may just describe real-estate in general for all I know. Bottom line is that it’s a low-budget game that doesn’t really seem to have much appeal unless you’re just super into real-estate. Maybe. And you know what? I changed my mind. The best part of this game isn’t the people saying things, it’s definitely the *jazzy fanfare music* *chuckles* Okay that’s enough… ♪ Outro Music ♪


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