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Celia Pacquola 2 – 2016 Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala


Voice over: ‘It’s Celia Pacquola!’ Hello! A Rhinestone Cowboy died for those, hey! Love and hate is often complicated. Like, sometimes love can come from hate. Which sounds impossible, but it can. Like I love peanut butter. Because an ex of mine is allergic to nuts and every time I eat peanut butter I imagine him dying. And hate can bring good things. I know! How? Like this One day I was hating on a thing that led me to unlock a secret of the universe. Surely not? Yes. The thing I was hating on was toe rings. I think it’s ’cause I hate feet.
I think feet are disgusting And whenever I see a toe ring I think, ‘OK what you are doing there is you’re taking an already gross toe’ ‘And you’re trying to make it look like a tiny faceless man with a hairy chest, wearing a belt. Stop it.’ ‘Stop it.’ But one day, I was hating on toe rings
and I had an epiphany. Right? You know toe rings… They are rings that we wear on our toes. OK? And then we have earrings… rings we wear on our ears Eyebrow rings, nose rings, belly button rings. But um, these ones… Rings. Because if these ones… Were called finger rings… Would make weddings pretty awkward. ‘With this finger ring, I…’ ‘Oh no! Oh my god, no!’ Would make proposal stories really awkward ‘Oh my god, so last night, John came over and out of nowhere just gave me the most incredible finger ring.’ ‘I know! I’m so happy! I’m so happy.’ ‘I mean, he asked my dad’s permission first, obviously.’ ‘And my dad was like,
You go for it son, you give her that finger ring.’ ‘And he came over, and he got down
on one knee, and he said…’ ‘Darling, I want to give you this finger ring, it’s the same finger ring that my grandfather gave to my grandmother.’

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