Beyond the Eyes of Angels | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 67
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Beyond the Eyes of Angels | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 67


MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors really mess with me right before we go live– LIAM: (laughs) MATT: –and play Dungeons & Dragons. TRAVIS: We play Dungeons & Dragons! SAM: Boy oh, boy. ASHLEY: Oh my god. MATT: Before we get into tonight’s game, we have a few announcements to get through. First and foremost, our first of two sponsors for the evening, our returning friend through all of campaign two, D&D Beyond. (cheering) SAM: (sighing) D&D Beyond. There was a bit of a revelation last week that has shaken my campaign to its very foundations. LAURA: Mm-hmm. SAM: I’ve been a little distraught and distracted this week. D&D Beyond wants me to mention that they’re hiring again. They’re looking for a digital marketing manager, a full stack developer, and a mobile app developer. Apply now on their website. But I’ve been too depressed to really think about being funny for them this week. I didn’t write anything. There’s no– there’s no joke. I’m not a trained monkey. I can’t just perform for you people. So while I reassess my campaign, I’m going to suspend it for a little while while I take stock of things. Luckily a few weeks, maybe months ago, we had prepared for just such an event like this where I didn’t write a bit. We pre-shot sort of a generic ad for D&D Beyond in the event that something tragic happened to me and I couldn’t be here, they would have it ready to play. We’re just going to use that one tonight. It won’t make much sense, but play that video. It’s a generic D&D Beyond spot. TRAVIS: Play the tragic ad. SAM: Hello. If you’re seeing this video, it is because I, Sam Riegel, am no longer alive. I assume I passed away like I always imagined, shirtless with ripped abs riding a jet-ski into a volcano while blasting Ozzy Osbourne’s classic hit, “The Crazy Train.” I also assume that my funeral was attended by thousands of weeping fans, the entire cast of Saturday Night Live, Kate Middleton, Meghan Markle, and I was lowered into the ground while blasting Ozzy Osbourne’s classic hit, “The Crazy Train.” It truly is a sad, sad day, but even though my life has ended, my responsibilities to our sponsor live on. So while an appropriate replacement for me is found, I shot this ad for D&D Beyond to bridge the gap. Please cast, stop sobbing uncontrollably for one moment so that these important words may be heard. (more chipper) D&D Beyond is an amazing way to improve your D&D gameplay. Keep your character stats, monster info, gear and weapons right in front of you on your laptop or tablet while you play. And check out their new encounter builder alpha, available to all D&D Beyond subscribers. You can visit and download their app at dndbeyond.com. (serious) Okay, you may resume crying now. Before I go, there’s one more thing I’d like to settle. I, Sam Riegel, being of sound mind and body, hereby leave the following as my last will and testament. To Matt, I leave my t-shirt collection on the condition that he wear them and never destroy them. It is my dying wish. To Laura, I leave my dice, because really, who gives a shit about dice? To Ashley, Liam, and Marisha, I leave you my flasks since you guys love to drank. To Taliesin, I leave my collection of cars and motorcycles, my furs, the broaches, my wine collection, my exotic birds, the piece of the true cross, my Amazing Fantasy #15 mint-condition comic book, my rare butterflies, and $650,000 in cash and jewelry. I think that’s everyone. Oh, wait, I forgot Dani Carr. She gets my dice. Take them away from Laura and give them to Dani. And please remember me forever as a happy, carefree person, but more important, remember to check out dndbeyond.com. Suck an egg, Travis. Matt, on with the show. (solemn music) (laughter) SAM: I’m sorry. I’m sorry, guys. That’s all I have this week. Matt, over to you. (groaning) SAM: Oh, sorry, you guys weren’t supposed to see that. You guys weren’t supposed to see that piece until after I died, so I apologize if you guys didn’t get what you wanted in my will. TRAVIS: We can arrange it. Don’t worry. SAM: Sorry. TRAVIS: We’ll arrange that death. MATT: Okay, all right. Thank you, Sam. (chuckles) Thank you to D&D Beyond.
(laughter) I’m so sorry. We have our second sponsor for the night. (laughter) SAM: The most awkward transition. (laughter) MATT: Hate you so much, Sam. Our returning friends at The Rook and The Raven. (cheering) (laughter) MATT: Their latest disc-bound on-demand Kickstarter campaign is off and running at this moment. Go and check it out if you get the chance. The new online service brings a whole new level of accessibility to your favorite campaign diary and planner. The new– you can now type in, copy and paste, or upload your characters and adventures, and either print them yourself or have them printed, punched, and shipped to you on the same high quality stationary as the rest of your book. That’s now fully customizable on a much easier and accessible level, which is now causing my wife to have a small aneurysm. MARISHA: (yells)
LAURA: (laughs) MATT: There are tons of rewards and stretch goals available as part of the Kickstarter campaign, including unlocking an exclusive cover design, a new book, a series of new book sizes the ability to fully customize your page layouts and even braille, which is fantastic, so go support the campaign. MARISHA: This is an irrelevant one to show off at this point because it’s– but the great– that’s yours. MATT: I got one here. There we go. That’s a cover. (oohing) ASHLEY: Ooh, that is pretty.
TRAVIS: (deep voice) Dragons. MATT: So check them out at therookandtheraven.com/criticalrole and check out all the awesome elements of this Kickstarter and the rewards that are part of it. (cheering) MATT: A couple other few announcements here. We’re happy to share with you guys tonight, we have a new addition to Critical Role, live closed captions. TRAVIS: (cheers) MATT: We have a fantastic stenographer who is playing along with us and writing up all the insanity we’re spouting as best as they can. As you’re currently watching and doing this, I’m so sorry, and we love you, and thank you and welcome aboard. MARISHA: Thank you. Welcome! MATT: Yes, so in order to bring them to– have live captions available for broadcasts, they can vary from device to device, so we created a quick how-to on critrole.com. Go there to check out the information on how to get that up and running. Next up we have our very first one-shot post-Kickstarter, that you guys helped put together as part of the stretch goals. So thank you all for supporting the Legend of Vox Machina Kickstarter, and as part of that, the first one coming up will be airing next Friday, June 21st, on our Twitch channel. Join us as the group of Vox Machina continue on their epic quest after finding Grog to now find Bob, the githzerai thief that stole all of their components and is preventing them from leaving the depths of Pandemonium. We’re picking up for the second half, the unexpected second half of that adventure. It’ll be available on VOD the following Sunday and on our YouTube channel as well. If you can, check it out live on our Twitch channel here next Friday evening. This is cool. Our next installment of Vox Machina Origins. (gasping and cheering) LIAM: So good, it’s so good, it’s so good. MATT: It’s really great. Our comic series, made with our friends at Dark Horse Comics, will be on sale next month through Dark Horse Digital, and for the first time ever, local comic book shops. (cheering) MATT: We’re going actually going to books– SAM: On paper. MATT: On paper, month-to-month. Be sure to check out your local comic book shop for information. Place your order now if you’re looking into it. It looks amazing. The art’s incredible. LIAM: The story’s on point. MATT: The story’s on point. Jody’s done an amazing job with it. The next installment, super stoked, and this arc we get to see Vox Machina come into contact with and meet Pike. SAM: Spoilers, Matt, spoilers. MATT: You know about this. And Percival. SAM: And double spoilers! ASHLEY: Yeah!
TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: Believe it or not, those characters show up in the campaign. (laughter) MATT: Yeah, check it out, super excited, super proud of it. Everyone did a great job on it. I believe that’s all for our announcements tonight, unless I’m mistaken. So. TRAVIS: (sings Terminator 2 theme) LAURA: Same as before! MATT: (laughs) And on that note, let’s bring us in to tonight’s episode of Critical Role. (cheering) (water bubbling) (thunder) (explosion) ♪ Role, Critical, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware ’cause you’re ’bout to be dead ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don’t see over there ♪ ♪ There’s a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don’t think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands ♪ ♪ Take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪
♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪
♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪
♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪
♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call? ♪ ♪ Dig in deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it’s your turn, your turn, your turn ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (flames burning) (dragon roaring) MATT: And welcome back. So last we left off, the Mighty Nein had made their way northward across the Barbed Fields, the ground zero of the most heinous battles of the Calamity. You avoided a hunting roc, from atop a massive tree known as the Arbor Exemplar, raided parts of its nest while it was distracted in perpetual bat form. Made yourself northward, past the dangers, to the city of Bazzoxan, discovered elements of its history, and headed westward across the base of the mountain range. Through the dust storms and difficult visibility, eventually uncovering through divine spells, the opening, the hidden entrance to this strange underground location, of where your quarry, Obann, was seemingly searching. There, you went through the various tunnels into this deep, dark interior, this subterranean realm. Came upon some strange obelisk. Made your way to a doorway, where you found carved statues of celestial entities while the door was left upon and you saw, as fresh blood was pouring from their eyes, entering into the following courtyard, this cavern-like, enclosed underground courtyard, you saw what looked to be a massive, curved wall, like the outside of some temple or tower that lied buried deep in the earth, exposed within this courtyard and surrounding it. Rubble, broken and torn pieces of armor and metal and weaponry, and over a dozen alabaster angelic statues like the doors themselves, all facing this entrance portal. Also bleeding from the eyes. You scavenged around, found some bones. Tried to find information about whether it was recent or ancient, but you did discover that the front adamantine door that seals this location is partially opened and beneath it, about a foot-and-a-half of space seems to continue inward into the chamber. And that is where we left off. So. You guys were deciding to enter the chamber. If you guys are doing this, is there anything else you’re doing or are you moving forward, and if you are, what’s the marching order? SAM: I think I start–
LIAM: Nott already– SAM: Nott already started.
MATT: That’s right. SAM: Crawl in. LAURA: I want to go over and grab that skull. MATT: Oh, the angel one? LAURA: The one we were looking at. MATT: Okay, you pick it up. Look at it. It’s smooth, like the dirt doesn’t seem to cling to it, like almost as you breathe on it, you can see some of the dirt drifts off. It almost repels the dirt as part of its celestial nature. SAM: Ooh.
TRAVIS: Oh. LAURA: Caduceus?
TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah? LAURA: Do you think it would be disrespectful to put a head of an ancient being into a haversack? SAM: (laughs) TALIESIN: If you’re asking… I’m– LAURA: You’ve talked to them before. You’ve talked to things that were dead. TALIESIN: Sure. LAURA: Do you think it would be mad if we brought him in here and then later on we talked to him? TALIESIN: I don’t think they’d really know. LAURA: Unless you can talk to him now. TALIESIN: Uh, now might not be the best time. I think we can save that for later. Yeah, let’s take it with us and maybe– LAURA: All right, I’ll put the head in the– ASHLEY: Do you feel like it’s okay if we take it? What if this is like a tomb or something? LAURA: That’s a really good point. TALIESIN: I think that this is a tomb. I just don’t think it’s theirs. LIAM: Caleb has spent this entire conversation looking at Nott and looking at them talking and looking at Nott leaving, and looking at them still talking and looking at Nott, and now I’m going to creep slightly under with my cloak–
MATT: You were invisible, weren’t you, Nott?
SAM: I was at some point. Was I still invisible? LIAM: I think we said that you’d dropped it by now, but I don’t really remember. MATT: I think you may have dropped it, yeah. SAM: Why did I drop it?
LIAM: I don’t know. LAURA: Invisibility? I don’t think you dropped it. SAM: I don’t think I did. LIAM: You rifled through Yasha’s pockets. SAM: I don’t remember. LIAM: You rifled through Yasha’s pockets trying to find your flask. Argued with people.
LAURA: Ask the chat. They’ll know. MATT: (laughs) SAM: We’ll find out in 15 seconds from the chat, I guess. (laughter) SAM: All right. Regardless, Nott has gone in before the rest of you. LAURA: Okay, I’ll put the thing in the bag and then we’ll just go, too. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Still invisible. MATT: That’s what I thought.
SAM: Thank you, chat. MATT: I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t crazy. MARISHA: Goggles on. MATT: All right. Marching order going in, aside from Nott, who is ahead. SAM: Oh, boy.
LIAM: I think for once, I am already in, so I’m going to say behind Nott. MATT: Okay.
MARISHA: I’ll be behind Yasha. LIAM: Not knowing where the hell she is. TALIESIN: I’ll be behind you.
MARISHA: Okay. MATT: So we have Yasha and Beau. There’s enough space for a number of you to fit underneath at once. It’s a wide door, so you could all scoot in at the same time. SAM: Does anyone have a big old butt that stops them from squeezing through? Like it’s a foot and a half. MATT: None of you are Grog-sized, but–
MARISHA: Big booty, big booty. TALIESIN: Tall. MATT: It requires you to crawl to get through. Some of you get lower and it’s very much like having to pull yourself down and the door you expected to be a thin doorway. It’s pretty far in. SAM: Oh, wow. MATT: You have to crawl for about three to four feet, pushing through and you’re not sure if it’s solid or if it’s hollow. Whatever the case may be, there’s a period of time where your mind can’t help but consider the terrible strength of this if it were to come down and smash you. SAM: Oh, that could’ve been bad. LIAM: I’m actually going to snuff out my globule of light and just listen to people around me and go by hearing for the moment. MATT: Okay. No worries. LAURA: I think I should be in the back because I was taking a long time with the skull. MATT: All right, so Jester’s in the back. You all get down on your stomachs and your arms and knees and begin crawling your way through. Dust gathers at the edges of your forearms and the bits of your armor that are exposed. Your cloaks and stuff, again, draped past, just scooping up whatever bit of untouched element the ground would be here, dragging it into this area where the door was closed, no dust could enter. You enter before anybody else does. You come into the chamber. Looking around, you can see there are three pillars, would be a fourth, on the far right corner, but a portion of that wall seems to have tumbled in and there’s an element of a landslide, bits of rock and wall have fallen off, toppled, and created this corner of rubble. You can see three other pillars in the space where you come out the other side. Make a perception check for me. SAM: Oh, I’m good at those. 19. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Perceptive rogue. MATT: Okay, so 19 total? SAM: I have no pluses or minuses.
MATT: All right. SAM: It’s just a straight roll. MATT: Looking across the way, there is a large gate of intersecting lattice metal bars that are at angles in each side. There’s no more than maybe an inch to an inch and a half between each portion of this lattice that’s open and it’s shattered beyond that. The hallway is about 10 feet wide and about seven feet tall. SAM: It’s a gate that’s blocking a hallway that’s past it? MATT: It’s blocking an entryway that exits this chamber into another hallway beyond. SAM: Okay. No other people in the room, no other art or anything? MATT: You do see, with that roll, and you probably have to walk a little bit ways in to notice it, as you start looking, quietly moving around the sides, you can see what looks to be, can’t tell if they’re stones or satchels or sacks. There’s things jammed and stuck up in the upper corners of the far back edge of the room, up at the top of where the crumbling portion of the far corner is. Almost like shelves that are filled with sacks. SAM: Sacks?
MATT: Of grain or rice? SAM: Grain or rice.
LAURA: Or body parts. SAM: Okay.
LAURA: (groans) If I continue walking into this room, will one be above me? MATT: You don’t see any directly above you. They’re more relegated to the edges of the far corners. SAM: Okay. I mean, I’ll walk into this, probably not the center, that would be bad. Oh boy. MATT: You have– there’s the center and then there’s the right and left, around the pillars that set in a square formation in the room, except for the one that’s fallen in. SAM: I’m going to walk around towards the one that’s fallen in already. Maybe that’s a trap that was already sprung. MATT: Okay, so you curve around that side. You look up and get a bit of a better view of that area and it looks like a bunch of– they were sacks at a distance, at the edge of your periphery. Getting close, you can see they’re bunches of textured, looks like rope or threads, thick threads that are all jammed together. SAM: Threads, Matt? Not intestines or something? MATT: Not intestines.
SAM: Okay. MATT: There’s very, very dense striations across it. Like something has been wrapped multiple times in this. TRAVIS: (nervous laughing)
MATT: It’s at that point, as you’re walking around the corner– LAURA: No! TRAVIS: What do you mean? MATT: Something touches you and sticks to your face. You pull back.
MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. Some spiders.
LAURA: Spiders. MATT: Your hand has now touched one of them, too, and this long, heavy, thick, silk cord has adhered to your hand and the side of your face. MARISHA: Oh, no.
SAM: Oh, no (laughs). MATT: What do you do? You also hear the sound of the rest of your party very carefully crawling their way into the chamber. You can see them emerging from the other side of the door. LIAM: You know what happens when a little fly twangs the string, too. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: It alerts the whole–
SAM: Shit. LAURA: No, oh, no.
SAM: I’m invisible. TRAVIS: I fucking hate spiders. SAM: I have to communicate with you guys. LIAM: No light source at all, right, spilling our way? MATT: No, the only light source that was in there was the one that you were about to put in that, but you got rid of it. LIAM: Because I got scared. SAM: Oh, man. What does a little goblin do?
LIAM: So we’re just coming through the door. SAM: Okay.
(laughter) MATT: You guys coming in, as you enter the area, the floor, and you noticed this thing last time, or you saw it a little bit with Frumpkin, there was this mud on the ground because clusters of somewhat dried mud that is– LAURA: It’s poop! MATT: It resembles blood, but it’s mixed with something thick. LAURA: No. TRAVIS: Do we look over and see Nott just like– MATT: Nott’s invisible.
SAM: I’m invisible. TRAVIS: Oh, shit! SAM: Yeah. I will–
MATT: The room is entirely dark, which means Caleb cannot see anything. SAM: I will just loudly–
MATT: Nor can Caduceus. TALIESIN: No.
SAM: Loudly whisper. (loud whisper) Watch out for spiders! Watch out for spiderwebs! Watch out for spiderwebs! TALIESIN: Is there spiders? SAM: Spiderwebs! MARISHA: Can you talk to spiders like you talk to bees? TRAVIS: What is that sound? SAM: Spiderwebs! There’s spiderwebs everywhere! TRAVIS: Did you hear that rusty door? LAURA: (laughs) TRAVIS: It sounds like hinges breaking apart. LIAM: Nott, is it safe for the light in here? LAURA: We should prep. SAM: (loud whisper) I do not know! TRAVIS: Are we all in the room now? MATT: You guys have all walked in. You’ve stepped up on the other side of the door. TALIESIN: I’m, yeah, I do not trust this room. I want to be very ginger with where I go. MATT: Okay, what are you guys doing? MARISHA: I feel like we should light this up. TALIESIN: The light was not a bad idea. TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean, we’ve got to make it an even playing field for the rest of this–
TALIESIN: I’m going to just put a tiny bit of light in this room. I’m going to give us a basic Light spell. Nothing fancy. ASHLEY: I’m going to take out my sword because Nott is making a weird noise. MATT: All right, so Yasha–
ASHLEY: She sounds in distress. MATT: — pulls out which sword? TALIESIN: What do we see? MARISHA: Can I go into–?
MATT: Hold on. While you’re deciding. MARISHA: Do I notice any movement? MATT: You can make a perception check. MARISHA: Okay. Natural 20. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: (laughs) MATT: In this darkness, the textures of the room and the stone, from most perspectives, make it hard to see where these very thin strands of silk are everywhere. You just missed the DC to notice the threads. But you can now see this room has whole elements between these pillars where these wide webs are cast across the center of this chamber. Up in the edge, you can see these are all large sacs of things that are wrapped in this same, silk-like material. You can see small sections where the ceiling crumpled in. There’s little holes and little alcoves that your vision can’t go beyond this far away. You can just see a couple of small pockets where the stone has fallen away and something could be beyond the inside. MARISHA: Okay. I–
TRAVIS: I hate you. MARISHA: –alert everybody to the Mission Impossible-like laser maze. SAM: We need to put dust everywhere. TRAVIS: Or Entrapment with Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones. MARISHA: Yes, ooh, better reference. Then I alert everybody to the hole in the corner. I feel like we should keep our eyes up there. LAURA: I cast Bless. MATT: Okay. LAURA: On you.
TALIESIN: All right. LAURA: And Beau. And Fjord. SAM: (loud whisper) Can someone come cut me out of there?! MARISHA: Are you stuck?
LIAM: The room is illuminated, yeah?
MATT: The room is illuminated. TALIESIN: Very gently. I just got the standard Light spell up on my staff. MATT: Who gets Blessed, you said? LAURA: Beau, Fjord, and Caduceus. MATT: All right, there we go. Here, actually, let me give you a visual– SAM: Oh, there’s a map! TALIESIN: I’ve been waiting. SAM: I don’t know what this is, but just in case, if we go into combat, it will be powered by Dwarven Forge. Guys, they have a free download of their 406-page Dungeon of Doom module available on their website now, but only if we go into combat. If not, doesn’t exist.
(laughter) TRAVIS: I’m sure we can talk our way out of spiderwebs. (shouting) MATT: So Nott, you are currently caught there as you’re rounding the corner with the section that had fallen in. SAM: Ooh, blue light happening. LAURA: What’s that little gold stuff on the ground there? Is there something cool? Is there treasure? MATT: It’s just rubble… that you know of. MARISHA: It’s just rubble.
TALIESIN: Fruity Pebbles. ASHLEY: Yeah, I see it. MATT: All right, so the rest of you have emerged in this vicinity. LAURA: I don’t like it. I don’t like it and I feel trapped. MATT: What are you guys doing? MARISHA: Nott, Nott! Where are you? SAM: Oh, shit. I’m over here!
(feet stomping) I’m going to stomp up and down and see if any dust gets caught. MARISHA: I’m going to see if I can follow Nott. MATT: I would like you to make a sleight of hand check. SAM: Oh, boy.
MATT: With disadvantage. SAM: Sure. Oh, that was a natural 20, but the other one gives me a 17. MATT: 17, okay. You stomp your feet a bit (wobbling). SAM: Oh no.
LAURA: Oh god. MARISHA: Do I see them? MATT: Do you see him, yeah? You see the web move a little bit and a little bit of dust (dust unsettling). MARISHA: Okay, I walk over and try to reach for her. MATT: Yeah, you reach out and you grab ahold of Nott. MARISHA: Oh, okay. SAM: Just take out, oh, shit, you don’t have a blade! MARISHA: I do, I do. I’ve got my–
SAM: But don’t cut me! But I’m not going to be visible. LIAM: Fire, fire. Pull her back, pull her back. TALIESIN: Gently.
LIAM: Gently away. Slowly. If there is any little bit of stretch. MATT: Point of order here, too. The Light spell that you cast, it flared up and over these moments that have happened, it’s slowly withered to about half its strength. LAURA: Oh no.
TRAVIS: That’s really bad. MATT: As opposed to the bright torchlight, it seems to be a diminished 30-foot radius. Most of the chamber, it’s nowhere near as bright as you thought it would be and it’s not something you’ve encountered before. Outside of maybe elements of the depths of the Savalierwood. TALIESIN: Sure. LIAM: As soon as I see Beauregard pull her back a bit, a small amount of flame appears in my hand and I flick it towards that little bit of stretch and try to burn the web. Just maybe six inches away from where Nott is connected.
SAM: Well, I’m invisible. LIAM: Well, I’m seeing (stretching). MATT: Yes, which in order for you to, I’ll say this, Beauregard.
MARISHA: Yeah? MATT: Make a sleight of hand check for me, please. With disadvantage. MARISHA: With disadvantage. TALIESIN: That doesn’t get the Bless either. MARISHA: It’s a 15. 20 total. MATT: Okay. You carefully maneuver and show Caleb specifically where Nott is without extremely disturbing the web. LIAM: Yeah, and I’m looking for a little bit of (weep!). TALIESIN: I am also looking up. MATT: Right, perception check. TALIESIN: Thank you. Pfft, 13. MATT: 13. Glancing up and looking around, what you do notice–
TALIESIN: Thank you. MATT: — in a number of these small gaps, the light now causes some more shadows to appear and the shadows even further help expose some of these little holes in the corners of the chamber and elements of where these sacs that are adhered up to the upper ceiling portion of the chamber lie, you see (skittering) out of one, about 20 or so different legs start creeping through. LAURA: 20? MATT: Just little, up on the edge. LAURA: 20? SAM: Yeah, that’s two-and-a-half spiders. MARISHA: (laughs) TALIESIN: 20 or so? LAURA: What if it’s not spiders?
MATT: Up in this area. TRAVIS: On the other side? LAURA: Is it something other than spiders that made webs? TALIESIN: 20 or so little legs? 20 or so little spiders. MARISHA: Or 20 big legs. TALIESIN: Do I feel that they have seen– do I feel seen? TRAVIS: I cast Hydrogen Bomb. MATT: You feel–
(laughter) You feel seen, you feel loved.
TALIESIN: Okay, cool. MATT: You do sense that the movement is one means of them assessing anyone entering this chamber. The other would probably be light, as they have eyes, and the now brightly-lit chamber has drawn the attention of something. TRAVIS: I cast Terminix. MATT: I would like you all to roll initiative. LAURA: No!
(groaning) LIAM: I didn’t get the Fire Bolt off? Argh! MATT: I’ll say, as the Fire Bolt’s happening. LIAM: Okay.
MATT: So you. TALIESIN: I was really hoping we’d just got out the phrase. LAURA: What a waste!
MATT: Sure, go for it. LAURA: A waste.
TALIESIN: I really wouldn’t, please. MATT: Now roll initiative.
TALIESIN: Yeah, I know. SAM: You get advantage, right, Ash? ASHLEY: Yep.
SAM: Or something. LIAM: A d8 added to it.
SAM: Oh, a d8 added to it. TALIESIN: Do I get a, yeah, because you’ve got, yeah. TRAVIS: Does Bless affect your initiative roll? SAM: No, this is something Caleb gave to Yasha. LAURA: Bless only lasts for a minute, so depending on how long all that took, it’s probably fizzled by now. MATT: All righty. Yeah, Bless would have faded at this point from you guys taking the time and everything. That’s the issue with doing Bless outside of combat. That’s okay, you could always cast it again. It’s up to you. That’s all right, so. At this point, Beau would be over here and Caleb would be right there helping to free Nott. Nott, you are, at this moment, freed from the web. A little bit burns a bit. SAM: (Sam’s voice) All right. Thank you, guys. (Nott’s voice) Thank you. (Marisha laughs)
MATT: So top of the round. We have 25 to 20. ASHLEY: I got 26. TRAVIS: What?! LAURA: Damn, damn. 24. TRAVIS: ♪ Damn, damn, damn! ♪ ASHLEY: Do I use the d8 every time until? LIAM: No, one time. ASHLEY: Oh, well. Bye-bye. SAM: ♪ I’m icy! ♪ TRAVIS: Yasha, Jester. LIAM: ♪ Get yourself a double cheeseburger. ♪ MATT: So 25 to 20, Jester 24, anybody else? 25 to 20 anybody? All right. 20 to 15? MARISHA: 16. SAM: That’s it? MARISHA: Yeah.
SAM: Oh boy. MATT: 15 to ten? LIAM: Ten. LAURA: Oh god. TRAVIS: We’re Fjorucked. Fjucked. MATT: 20– sorry. Ten to five? SAM: Seven. Where are you guys? MATT: All right. Caduceus and Fjord, where are you guys at? Oh, man.
LAURA: You rolled a one? LIAM: Greg, watch this [inaudible] charge!
ASHLEY: Well, you got it out of the way. MATT: Yasha. You have not noticed these things, except for when Caduceus says the phrase and you look over and you can see curling out of the upper edge of this wall here, up in this region, three of these crawling spiders. Now, when I say that they are about, they are about–
LAURA: They look real. MATT: Five-foot wide. From edge to edge, so they’re.
TRAVIS: Five-foot wide? MATT: Five-foot wide from edge to edge. Their actual body is about that big, the abdomen. You can see with the light that’s, even suppressed, what little bit of light is reaching that side of the chamber, you can see the glistening edge of it hitting the eight shiny eyes across their faces, their mandibles. TRAVIS: Oh, kill it with fire.
MATT: What are you doing? LIAM: A total of 24 eyes. ASHLEY: All right, so I chose Magician’s Judge. MATT: Magician’s Judge, okay.
ASHLEY: Going with my OG. Okay. So they’re on the move towards us. MATT: They’re crawling out from the upper edge of the chamber. ASHLEY: Piders! (laughter) Okay.
TRAVIS: Make ’em cute, don’t we. ASHLEY: All right, I’m going to start going towards them and see if I can. MATT: All right.
ASHLEY: I can get to one. MATT: 30, 35, 40. Since they’re about ten feet up above you, they’re out of reach currently, but you can hold your action for if one of them gets– ASHLEY: I’ll hold my action if one of them gets close. MATT: You got it. Okay, that ends Yasha’s go, Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to– TRAVIS: Just getting all up in there. LAURA: I’m going to Invoke Duplicity. MATT: All righty. Where would you like your duplicitous self to go? LAURA: I’m going to– I can’t see where I am. I’m going to take a step back. MATT: Okay.
LAURA: Like that. She’s going to appear right behind me and step out so–
MATT: So they’re not sure. LAURA: Yeah.
MATT: Essentially, who is who. All right, so. So stepping there. Trying to keep it on the five-square grid there. Jester suddenly divides into two versions of herself back to back. LAURA: Yeah, and then I’m going to cast Spiritual Weapon at level four. MATT: Damn. All right, where do you want it to go? LAURA: Right next to the spiders and I’m going to hit one of them. MATT: You can do that. Go ahead and roll an attack. LAURA: Okay, hold on. Okay, okay, I cast, oh god. Okay. I know, I’m freaking out. Oh, good, that was a natural one. (groaning) LAURA: It’s okay, I got it out of the way with an attack. MATT: Hits the stone and cracks above it. Now you hear the singular spider (screech) and you see they’re all starting to curl out from it and you get the sense that another set of legs is starting to curl off from a space a little ways away from it.
LAURA: Great. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: That finish your turn, Jester? LAURA: Uh-huh. TRAVIS: Don’t get swarmed, whatever you do, everybody. ASHLEY: I forgot to fucking rage. MATT: Aw.
LAURA: Is it too late? SAM: You can start on the beginning of your next turn. ASHLEY: I’ll do it the next turn.
MATT: Next turn. All right, so, Beauregard. MARISHA: Yeah.
MATT: Caduceus. ASHLEY: I hate spiders.
MATT: Caleb. LAURA: Those, they’re just the right size that they actually look like real spiders just standing on the edge of the map and I don’t like it. MATT: Then kill them off! LAURA: I’m trying!
MATT: I know. All right, so.
SAM: What if they’re nice? MATT: So Caduceus, Caleb, Jester, not Jester, sorry, Beauregard, you see a couple of stones tumble down from up in this corner. From one of the larger holes, you see these larger legs emerge, much larger than the other spiders that are climbing the opposite side. MARISHA: That’s all right. TRAVIS: No, no, no. Don’t do it! What is that?! MATT: Crawling out of the side, you see the body. Now you have a better look at it now, this body is a deep gray, almost black, with these red stripe-like hooked striations that come across the front of the body. At the edge of each joint of its leg, a large barbed hook comes out there and there it looks like a row of horns that goes down the back of its head and across its abdomen. Its eyes, now that you get a better look at it, too, glow this dull orange color with a tiny white dot where the pupil you would think would be if these things had a singular pupil. LIAM: Uh, wrong. MATT: It curls out these giant mandibles. MARISHA: Demon spider. MATT: What you see now as it comes down is, on the back of its large, bulbous abdomen, there is some sort of a large, curled stinger that curves underneath its body that’s like twitching and puckering as it’s pulling its way out of the bottom of its body.
ASHLEY: I don’t want it! TRAVIS: Is it pulsing? They doing the bee sting pulse? MATT: Yeah.
TRAVIS: For no reason. MATT: It pulls its legs up on the side of the wall, exposing the bottom. You see its spinneret (firing) and fire this gout of thread out towards you, Caleb. TRAVIS: To Caleb?! MARISHA: It’s trying to catch Caleb. MATT: That’s a 21 to hit. LIAM: Yeah, hits.
MATT: Fuck, okay. It hits you and splatters and it feels warm, like not burning, but like it has a heat radiating from it that you weren’t expecting and it hits your chest and pulls you. (shouting) TRAVIS: Grab that fucking wizard! MATT: Onto its side there. MARISHA: Can I? TRAVIS: As a reaction or something?
MARISHA: Can I try and grab Caleb as a reaction?
MATT: Sure, go for it. Go ahead and–
LAURA: Yeah, like a missile. MATT: Make an attack roll. MARISHA: An attack roll? MATT: Yeah.
LIAM: A stick wizard. MARISHA: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 29. MATT: Okay, you grab him. I need you to make a strength check for me. MARISHA: That’s not her most strong suit! LAURA: You’re going to get pulled in, too! MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Just a straight check? MATT: Yeah, it’s you versus it. TRAVIS: (laughs) You already know. I can see his hair levitating. MARISHA: Why did I do this? I have instant regrets. TRAVIS: It’s a nine.
MARISHA: Nine. Plus– a nine. MATT: You see Caleb get yanked and you grab onto him and both of you get pulled up. SAM: Maybe I should grab onto her. (laughter) TRAVIS: Why didn’t I keep my mouth closed?! MATT: So Caleb, you’re pulled up towards it. TRAVIS: Oh fuck, oh fuck.
SAM: Oh, boy. MATT: As you’re pulled in towards its chest, two of its legs grab around you and hold you and the stinger, you see emerging through the muscles, pulsing and try to hook you in the stomach. SAM: Oh god. MATT: That’s going to be 16 to hit. LIAM: Uh, Shield. MATT: All right. Yeah, he’d be able to. LIAM: Okay, yep. MATT: All right, so the stinger comes right for your stomach and as you see this horrible, hooked, jagged towards the tip on its underneath point, this smooth obsidian-looking, I would say jet-looking dagger of a stinger come towards your belly. Whoosh, there’s a flash of arcane energy and it scrapes up of it, causing these arcane sparks to flash up underneath before it withdraws once more into its belly. LIAM: Just the tip. MATT: That’s going to be its turn. But you currently are grappled. LIAM: So do I have the ability to use my hands at all? MATT: Yeah, you can do anything you want, you just can’t move. Your speed is zero. You are essentially stuck where you are. TRAVIS: You have the ability to freak the fuck out. MATT: It is now Beau’s turn.
LIAM: It’s doing it. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: Doing it and doing it and doing it well. MARISHA: I’m going to try and punch it in one of its eight eyes. MATT: Go for it.
TRAVIS: Represent Queens. MARISHA: Oh, fuck me, 13. MATT: 13 does not hit. MARISHA: Next attack, sorry. MATT: Okay.
MARISHA: Oh, sorry. You can go ahead and do your description. MATT: I was just saying you go to punch and it ducks out of the way and you glance off the side of its hide. MARISHA: This one is 23. MATT: 23 does hit. MARISHA: Okay. Eight damage, stunning strike. MATT: All right, eight.
TRAVIS: I love the snaps. That is going to be a 15. MARISHA: 15.
MATT: What’s your DC? MARISHA: Is my DC. MATT: 13 plus two, yeah, no, it does. All right, it resists it. You do manage to get a fist right off the side of its head and it slaps in and two of the eyes pull back in to try and absorb the impact as you hit. It doesn’t seem to ring it hard enough. That’s your action. MARISHA: Then I’m going to take a bonus action. TRVIS: This is not starting well. MARISHA: Sorry, Caleb, to disengage, to do Step of the Wind.
MATT: Okay. MARISHA: And get out of there. SAM: (Irish accent) Get out of there. MATT: Okay, where are you going? MARISHA: Yardy dardy dardy. Well. I want to get out of the way. I’m going to come back here down to Nott. LIAM: I’m super weak and I’m in the jaws of the monster. MATT: All right, and Step of the Wind, that means you’re immune to opportunity attacks. MARISHA: I can disengage or dash. MATT: So you disengaged–
MARISHA: I disengaged. MATT: You moved, got it, you got it, cool. That finishes your turn, Beau. MARISHA: Correct. MATT: All right, now it’s the rest of their turns. LAURA: No!
LIAM: Oh god. TRAVIS: Would you clarify how many applies to “their.” MATT: All three of these. This one’s going to rush past to head over this direction. This one’s going to stay down here, and these are both going to come and leap down to flank Yasha. While this one comes up to Caduceus. LAURA: Yasha, why aren’t you raging? MATT: Only one of them runs past. You are holding your reaction. Which one do you want to strike? ASHLEY: The one that’s running past, I guess. MATT: Okay. SAM: She’s given up already. TRAVIS: It doesn’t matter to me. The killing’s all the same. MATT: Roll an attack. ASHLEY: Dinner time. Okay. TRAVIS: Oh, that’s right. You eat this shit. SAM: Oh, that’s right. Crab legs.
LAURA: Are these the things? ASHLEY: Fuck. Okay. That would be a 14. MATT: 14 hits. ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. So I’m not raging. MATT: You are not raging, so it’s just your attack, which is 2d6, plus your strength bonus. TRAVIS: Actually, 3d6, because of Divine Fury, right? MATT: She doesn’t, can only use that while raging. ASHLEY: That’s only if you’re raging? Okay, so that would be seven points of damage. MATT: Seven points of damage. You hack into the back of its body. You actually throw it about two feet in the air with a blow. It lands and keeps skittering towards Caduceus. It’s wounded, but it’s not killed. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: A bunch more begin to start swarming out of the walls. MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Ooper-dooper!
TRAVIS: Yeah, feels like it. Come on, man. Look, why you gotta put the ones that are like the front legs up in the air, Matt? Put them over there. MARISHA: Oh no!
(yelling) TRAVIS: Fuck! Fuck!
LIAM: Oh, this is exciting. ASHLEY and LAURA: That’s too many. SAM: There’s too many of them! LAURA: (yells)
TRAVIS: (high-pitched scream) ASHLEY: I don’t want to go againstthatone! LAURA: (laughs) MATT: They start swarming out, skittering. TALIESIN: I’ve totally have this happen, it’s fine. TRAVIS: Fuck! MATT: Just come rushing down and swarming you guys from the corners. So two against you, Yasha, with advantage because they do have you flanking. That’s going to be 21 to hit. ASHLEY: Mm-hm.
MATT: All right. You suffer… five points piercing damage. ASHLEY: Fine. Which is– Nothing because I take it all. MATT: And seven points poison damage. ASHLEY: And seven points of poison damage, okay. MATT: The other one against you is going to be a seven to hit. No, that’s a miss. The first one hits you (groans), the second one reaches towards you and you grab the front of its mandibles and shove it away. Pick up your weapon again, prepare yourself for the next round. Going against Caduceus, there’s two. It’s going to be six to hit. TALIESIN: Nope. MATT: The other one, it’s going to be 13 to hit. TALIESIN: Was it the big one that was a 13 to hit? MATT: They’re essentially the same size. I just didn’t have that many of the same– TALIESIN: The second one that missed, I’m going to use my shield charge because I’m irritated. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: That’s 4d6 force damage. MATT: 4d6 force damage. TALIESIN: Then, yeah. Then a strength saving throw. MATT: Correct. LAURA: Whoa!
SAM: That’s pretty good. TALIESIN: 19 points of force damage. MATT: Doesn’t need the strength saving throw. You bring your shield down and it strikes the shield and at that point you push it off and you watch as the spider splatters against this stone pillar. ASHLEY: Okay, okay.
LAURA: That’s good. That’s good. That’s good. SAM: Not too powerful. TALIESIN: No, no, just no. MATT: All right. It’s going to be two attacks against you, Fjord. These guys are rolling shitty. That’s going to be an 11? TRAVIS: That misses.
MATT: And an 18. TRAVIS: That does hit. MATT: Okay. You take three points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: And five points of poison damage. TRAVIS: Ooh, okay. MATT: As its fangs stick into you and you feel the venom from the blow, it actually catches you on the side of the leg and as you can feel the poison pulse through your body with one quick burning, sharp pain. Two against you, Beau. LAURA: Oh my god. MATT: That’s actually not a bad roll. 18?
MARISHA: Miss. MATT: Nice, and 21. MARISHA: 21 hits, yeah.
SAM: Damn. MARISHA: My AC’s 20.
SAM: 20? TALIESIN: Hard to hit a monk, man.
MATT: Yeah. She’s a dodge tank. That’s six points of piercing damage. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: And another six points of poison damage. SAM: We should all be monks. LAURA: Yeah, oh my god, a whole party of monks. MATT: One of them came down. TRAVIS: Down to the river to pray.
MATT: Actually, this one is going to be– no, I already placed it. I was going to put it after Nott, but they’re after Caleb. Caleb, you still have a super high AC. SAM: I’m invisible. MATT: That’s right, you are invisible. Yeah, that misses you entirely. It rolled an eight and you have super AC with your shield. That finishes their go. They’re now just swarming out from the sides of the walls. You’re uncertain if that’s all of them or if there’s more coming. Nevertheless, the mama is out and has your wizard. That brings us to Caleb’s turn. LIAM: Okay. I start going through all my coat pockets quickly and pull out a cocoon and I cast Polymorph on myself and turn myself into an identical mama spider if I am able, and if not, I will just do giant spider, but I’m hoping for it. MATT: Sure. I’ll say because I didn’t have an additional spider here, that this’ll be you. I’ll say the bats, sure. LIAM:Gut.TALIESIN: Let’s keep the goth happening. LAURA: Yeah.
ASHLEY: Yes. MATT: All right. SAM: Didn’t you kill one spider already? TALIESIN: I’m going to name it Ozzy. MATT: There we go, we’ll say that’s you. LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Spiders versus bats. LIAM: First question is, so that was my action to do that and she was holding me. It was a web that was holding me or her? MATT: Both.
LIAM: Both. Can I tell, in that split second, if the web is still adhesive?
MATT: It is. You’re still attached. Your body transforms into it, but you’re still adhered and grappled by it. You don’t get a free escape. LIAM: Then I do this with the legs. MATT: (laughs) LIAM: Because I can’t break away, right? Like then I’m done. MATT: You have no speed, yeah, that’s your action. Okay.
LIAM: Okay. MATT: Nott, your turn. SAM: Oh, that’s super confusing. MATT: You’re now sitting there and you see this giant spider and then Caleb turns into a second spider with a smaller spider. Oh god, they’re turning people into spiders! (laughter) You do see all the rest of your friends being swarmed in the low light. There’s the central Light spell. It’s glowing the area, but it’s super dark still and you hear the sounds of dozens and dozens of tiny legs skittering across the stone floor. SAM: If I were to move deeper into the room, would I encounter more of those webs that got me before? TRAVIS: There’s two big ass ones on the floor. In the middle of the room.
SAM: Well, yeah. TALIESIN: Those are obviously just decoration and not actually there.
TRAVIS: Those are mosaic style. Can we see if those are mosaic webs on the floor made of tile? MATT: Oh, yeah, it’s part of the decor. TRAVIS: Good. SAM: I’m feeling pretty hidden, until I attack, so I think I can still discern which one is Caleb, since he’s the one all wrapped up, so I’ll shoot the other one, the mama spider, with my crossbów. MATT: Okay.
ASHLEY: Crossbów. SAM: Natural 20. MATT: All right. Make your attack, do the damage. SAM: Wow.
LAURA: Get it, get it, girl. LIAM: Ooh!
LAURA: Ooh, shit! LIAM: That was the best d6 ever! SAM: 20, 25, 31 plus–
LIAM: It’s going to be nasty. Double the dice. SAM: It’s 31 plus six, so that’s 37. LAURA: No, but you double the dice, so 31 times, 62.
LIAM: 62 plus seven. SAM: Plus six is 68.
LIAM: 69, no, aw. SAM: 68, it’s going to be 68. MATT: Jesus. TALIESIN: It’s not nice.
ASHLEY: Can we just make it 69? MATT: It’s almost nice. SAM: Wow. MATT: So that’s crazy. SAM: Plus it shoots again automatically. MATT: Yeah, it does, for the next attack. TRAVIS: Do it. SAM: That’s a 24 to hit. MATT: That hits. SAM: Plus another eight points of damage. MATT: All right, how do you want to do this? (cheering)
(clapping) ASHLEY: Yes! LAURA: What the fuck?! MATT: Wait, did you double the modifier on it or did you? SAM: No.
MATT: Yeah, double the dice and then added the modifier. Yeah, we’re clean, how do you want to do this? SAM: Wow, wow! I did not think that was going to happen. MATT: Me neither. (laughter) SAM: Sorry, Matt. MATT: No, it’s cool. It’s cool. SAM: I want to say: Get off my spider, you other spider! Nope. I don’t have anything. LIAM: That’s the line. SAM: If I could aim for the–
LIAM: (like Nott) I got nothing. SAM: For this little penis thing that it shot out. MATT: Okay. As its stinger’s trying to find the body of the spider that it has held there. You fire into it and strike the belly and you watch as, for some reason, the portion that you hit causes its exoskeleton, its exterior, to unfold, and its internal organs just spill out of it. It dizzies for a second and then loses hold of Caleb and then falls on the back and its legs slowly curl into its body. TRAVIS: Yeah! Telltale, behbeh! MATT: Now we can use that as your figure. LAURA: Yay! SAM: Wow. MATT: You have a bonus action. SAM: I guess I’ll fire again at the other one next to Caleb. MATT: Go for it. SAM: That is a 25 to hit. MATT: That hits. SAM: I get another eight points of damage against that guy. MATT: All right. That one sinks into it. Hurts it, but it (chitters). It’s still standing.
SAM: Okay. Then I’ll tuck back around towards Beau. MATT: Around this way?
SAM: Yeah, yeah, around that way. MATT: Okay, like there or moving all the way around? SAM: Just where you got me is good. MATT: Okay. Fine, that finishes your go, Nott. Fucking rogues. Caduceus, you’re up. One round with the mama! TRAVIS: Yeah, right? TALIESIN: How many spiders are in the room right now? MATT: Right now, at a quick glance, you see about eight. TALIESIN: All right. About eight spiders.
MATT: Yep. TALIESIN: Okay. I’m going to– I suppose I’m going to be basic on this, then. Can I do Sacred Flame and Thaumaturgy in the same? No, I can’t.
MATT: No, they’re both actions. TALIESIN: They’re both actions. I don’t know why my brain is being dumb. I’m in combat with one. Okay, I will– yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I will cast Bless on Caleb and on Beau and on Yasha. MATT: All righty. So Caleb is now a Blessed spider. Beau is a Blessed Beau and– TALIESIN: Yasha.
MATT: Yasha, Blessed Yasha. TALIESIN: Then I guess I’m going to– I’m not going to disengage with the spider I’m currently with, but I’m going to put my back against the wall and just– MATT: Okay, back up towards the best you can. You got it.
TALIESIN: Just be ready for whatever. MATT: Cool, that finishes Caduceus’ go. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I will turn and summon the falchion and I will take a strike against each one of the spiders next to me. One each, just a whoosh whoosh. MATT: Go for it. One to your right. TRAVIS: That is 19 to hit. MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Eight, six. Nine points of slashing damage. MATT: Arcs through it. It survives, but it’s looking pretty wounded. TRAVIS: Yeah, maybe I’ll put the second one on the one that just barely survived. Can I change that? MATT: As the blade goes through, you notice that it still survives and just change your direction and slash it a second time. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: 14 to hit.
TRAVIS: Oh, did that hit? MATT: Uh-huh, that has hit, yeah. TRAVIS: Beautiful. Great. Better, 14 points of slashing damage. MATT: That finishes it off. TRAVIS: Might as well reduce my enemy by one. MATT: You cut through it a second time, bisecting in the front. It cracks in half and just falls limp on the ground. You still have your movement and your bonus. TRAVIS: I will… He’s on me, right? MATT: Correct.
TRAVIS: Yeah, he is. That’s a bonus action. I will, fuck it. SAM: You’re going to fuck it? MATT: That’s an action, though. TRAVIS: I will move up– no, I’ll stay there. That’s it. MATT: Okay, Fjord’s turn’s over. Top of the round. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: All right. MATT: You feel the Bless spell infuse you with a little bit of divine guidance. ASHLEY: In feeling that spell, I would like to rage. MATT: All right. Bonus action rage. ASHLEY: Might as well and okay, so I’m going to attack. Any little ones around me? MATT: There’s two around you right now. There’s one in this corner and one on the other. ASHLEY: Okay. I’ll get the one on the corner. Just start with that, okay. Okay. 20 total. MATT: Yeah, that definitely hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: (laughs) ASHLEY: Sorry, just making sure everything is okay. LAURA: They’re special–
MATT: Yeah, I know, they’re awesome.
LAURA: They’re so cool. TALIESIN: They’re wigging me out, man. ASHLEY: 15 for the first hit. MATT: You watch that spider just spatter across the corner. Curls up as it hits its back. LAURA: Jester is golf clapping. ASHLEY: I’ll take the next– thanks, Jester. I’ll take the next shot at the other one. MATT: Go for it. After slashing through one, you arc over and bring it down on top of the other. Rolling a…?
ASHLEY: Okay. That would be 14.
MATT: 14 hits. Go ahead and roll damage for the second strike. ASHLEY: Ooh! 11 plus. Sorry, 14 points of damage. MATT: 14, the other one cleaves and then goes limp on the ground. ASHLEY: Great. MATT: You withdraw Magician’s Judge and its muscles tense up and it expires before you. You still have your movement. ASHLEY: Okay, so I’m going to start making my way towards the rest of the group. And any other spider that I can see. MATT: There’s one right next to Caduceus there. ASHLEY: Yeah, I’ll go over to that one. TALIESIN: Oh, thanks.
MATT: All righty. You march over there. As you’re dragging Magician’s Judge, it’s sparking across the stonework. Coming up to it, that finishes your turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Well, I’m going to move my spiritual weapon 20 stupid feet towards, god darn it. TRAVIS: Hey, there’s a spider right there. LAURA: There’s not.
MATT: There is, yeah. LAURA: Hey, cool, I’m going to attack it! (laughter) LAURA: That’s six plus five is only 11. No, six plus nine. MATT: Yeah, I was like: It’s way more than that. LAURA: Six plus nine is 15. MATT: That hits, roll damage. TRAVIS: Yeah!
LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, yeah. No, those are 10s. Ooh, 11 plus five is 16. MATT: 16 points of damage. Splats.
(cheering) MATT: Caduceus, you bring up your shield a bit because some of the spatter comes towards you and you catch it on the edge.
TALIESIN: Ugh, okay. MATT: That is no longer there.
TRAVIS: The spatter doesn’t burn or anything, right? MATT: No, but it feels very warm.
LAURA: Ew. SAM: What’s with this warmth? TRAVIS: What color is it? MATT: It’s a gray-ish color. LAURA: The one next to you, Fjord. MATT: Yes. LAURA: I’m going to Toll the Dead. MATT: Toll the Dead, all right.
LIAM: Spicy burn. LAURA: Toll the Dead. MATT: A natural 18. LAURA: Ah, it saves against it.
MATT: Sorry. All right, that finishes your turn, Jester. Mom’s dead. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: I’m going to take out the staff and do a little, little golf swing to both of these guys. MATT: Go for it.
MARISHA: First one. 27. MATT: 27 hits, yeah. MARISHA: 14. MATT: 14, the first swing, crack! It sends up into the corner. It hits the stone, falls to the ground, and curls up dead. TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: I think we’re getting cocky here. MARISHA: I’m going to do a lightsaber spin, come around, pop the other one. TRAVIS: Ooh, I like it. MARISHA: 15. MATT: 15 hits, go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Ooh, seven. MATT: Seven, crack! You do manage to smack it and you see one of its legs curl up underneath. You’ve damaged one of its legs, but it has seven more. You still have your bonus action. MARISHA: Hit it again. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil. A natural one.
(laughter) No, wait, it’s a three, still fucky. MATT: All right, so what’s the total? MARISHA: 13.
MATT: 13 hits. MARISHA: It hits?! Aw, awesome. Thanks, Gil! 13 damage. MATT: 13, after you hit the one leg, it rears back and leaps towards you, and you slip down and whack! Hit it in the abdomen so hard it slides over and slams into the ground, sticks into one of the webs, on its backside. It doesn’t adhere to the web, so it slowly curls off it like dull Velcro and hits the ground not moving. SAM: I hope Gil doesn’t actually watch the show. because it’s like a rollercoaster for him. MATT: We love him, though. TRAVIS: He knew what he was getting into. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: He knew what he was getting into. LIAM: He’s hearing about fucking every week. MARISHA: Is it there’s one more?
MATT: You have one more attack with your bonus action.
TRAVIS: Getting some action. MATT: There’s two more. There’s one next to the spider Caleb–
MARISHA: Well, no, I didn’t do Flurry of Blows. MATT: Oh, that’s right, you did not, sorry. So yeah, so you can move. MARISHA: Oh, there’s the one by Caleb. And the one by Fjord?
MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah, I’ll– I’m going by the one by Caleb just in case it goes bad– TRAVIS: Look at the size of its ass. Look at it, it’s bigger than me. MARISHA: But you got, you’re surrounded by friends! TRAVIS: One of them’s not even real. MATT: Don’t forget, you are Blessed, so you get to add d4 to your attacks, too. MARISHA: Oh, shit. MATT: You hit with all of them so you’re fine, but there. Yeah, you’re next to it, fine. You rush up and get to the one next to Caleb and that’s your turn.
MARISHA: Yep. MATT: All right, it’s now their turn. Roll a d6 for me, Jester. On a one to three, it targets Fjord. On a four to six, it targets your illusionary self. LAURA: On a one to three, it targets Fjord? Six!
MARISHA: Yay! MATT: It turns around and strikes out with its fangs, passing through the illusory Jester, withdraws confused. The other one’s going to go after you, Caleb. MARISHA: Sentinel attack.
SAM: Ooh. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: Plus d4. MARISHA: Plus a d4, that’s 25. MATT: Yeah, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: 10.
MATT: 10 points of damage. Crack! You slam into it with your staff, but it survives. It’s really hurt. It still strikes out towards you and that’s going to be an 18 to hit. LIAM: I don’t know what the AC is, a giant spider? MATT: Giant spider should be in your deck. LIAM: Well, I didn’t know if it was a special spider or not, so 14, does hit.
MATT: Okay. So you took the same form as the mother. LIAM: As the mother, yeah, well, that’s what I– MATT: Technically, it’s not a beast, so you would not be able to.
LIAM: That was my question. If not that, then giant spider. MATT: Yeah, so you turn into a giant spider that looks like– but you don’t know the actual. LIAM: So AC is 14, that hits. MATT: Okay, that hits.
TRAVIS: It’s attacking its “mother”. LAURA: I don’t believe it. SAM: So Freudian. MATT: You know what, that’s a valid point. You look kind of like its mom. I’ll give disadvantage on the attack. That’s a 15. So it still hits. Your giant spider form takes five points piercing damage. LIAM: Okay. MATT: And four points of poison damage. LIAM: This spider says it’s poisonous, so would it be affected or it’s a different kind of poison that affects? MATT: It’s a different kind of poison, this one. Does it have resistance to poison or an immunity to poison? LIAM: Well, it just has a poisonous bite, so– MATT: Correct, so the poison still affects it. LIAM: Got it.
MATT: Okay. That finishes its turn. TRAVIS: These blood spiders– MATT: They’re both going to stay there. This one’s actually going to move around after being hit by Beau. It’s going to try and skitter around this side. No, you know what, it’s going to go ahead and scoot up the wall. Try and get away from this scenario, so now it’s up in trying to crawl back into its space. You do get an attack of opportunity if you want to take. LIAM: Yeah, I will bite its abdomen. MATT: Go for it. Roll for an attack. LAURA: Now I feel bad for it.
LIAM: I do not at all. TALIESIN: You also have the d4, though. LAURA: He just wants to go home.
LIAM: 14. MATT: 14 hits, roll damage.
TRAVIS: Nice. MARISHA: Kill it. Kill it! LIAM: (muttering) –range. TALIESIN: Just one of those emergency… LIAM: That is an eight and then it has to make a poison save itself. MATT: That’s enough. Between that and the bow attack, you kill it.
SAM: Yeah. MATT: It tries to skitter away and you grab it and snap the fangs into it and it falls limp in your grip and fangs. TALIESIN: Poor spider. LAURA: Poor spider. MATT: So–
SAM: Is that all of them? LIAM: Nope, there’s one left.
MATT: Oh, there is one left. You’re right.
ASHLEY: There’s two. Right?
MATT: There’s one now. TRAVIS: That’s Caleb. SAM: There’s one left!
MATT: It’s just Caleb. That was it running away from you. Caleb, it’s your turn. TRAVIS: Kill that fucking big spider! LIAM: Where is this thing’s speed? Okay, so covered in ichor and guts, I spin around in place and see one across the way and I am angry, so I am going to just go jump on its abdomen and bite it as well. TRAVIS: No, no, no, no!
ASHLEY: Big butt. MATT: Fjord, you watch as a giant mom spider comes leaping in your direction. TRAVIS: Fuck this place! MATT: (laughs) LIAM: Plus four. Six, oh, that’s a low roll, though. That is 11. It doesn’t hit.
MATT: 11 does not hit. MATT: No.
TALIESIN: Is that with the d4 even? LIAM: Yep.
TALIESIN: Oh. MATT: Now there’s a baby and mama coming at you, Fjord. TRAVIS: Nott, save me! MATT: Nott, it’s your turn. SAM: Oh, wow. Has that one taken any damage? MATT: The one that’s by Fjord? SAM: Yeah.
MATT: It has not. SAM: Oh, boy. I will shoot it with a crossbow. 27 to hit. MATT: That definitely hits. Jesus. ASHLEY: This is amazing. ASHLEY: Yep.
SAM: Not as good, but pretty good.
LIAM: Pretty good, still. TALIESIN: I mean–
LAURA: Jeez. TALIESIN: Ew. SAM: 30 points of damage. TALIESIN: That’s just gross. MATT: It leaps up and Fjord catches it in the air and you watch, all of a sudden, (whooshes) this bolt emerges from its head. It splatters on you. It’s hot. It’s not scalding, but it goes and it’s like, ho, that’s uncomfortably hot. TRAVIS: Why is it so warm? SAM: I’m going to say, we came to crash your website! Is what I meant to say the last time. TALIESIN: I don’t get it.
LAURA: No. SAM: Just think about it for a while.
TRAVIS: All of 12 seconds to think of that, huh? LIAM: This is why Nott can’t be president. MATT: You look and see the giant mom spider curled around the corner and it’s facing off against Fjord. What are you doing? TALIESIN: I mean, I saw the transformation, so I’m not too worried about that. LIAM: High perception. MATT: With your perception, you did notice. TALIESIN: Yeah, I saw that. I saw that go down. There’s a reason I put Bless on the spider. MATT: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Yeah. Hey, Caleb, I think you might be able to– I think you can check out some of these nooks and crannies– TRAVIS: Oh, don’t do that! TALIESIN: See if everything’s copacetic. LAURA: No! TRAVIS: Don’t go down into the snake hole! TALIESIN: Just a little, a little peak. Don’t go too deep in there or anything. Technically, he can understand everything I’m saying. MATT: That’s true.
LAURA: Technically, he can. MATT: Fjord, your turn. Caduceus starts talking to the spider as Caleb. TRAVIS: Did I see Caleb turn into the spider? MATT: I’d say you weren’t paying attention at the moment, but it’s not currently looking aggressive and Caduceus is talking towards it and it seems to react. You figure it out, You’re not a complete imbecile. TRAVIS: All right.
MATT: You’re pretty clever. TRAVIS: Can I recommend that we get the fuck out of this room? MARISHA: Yeah.
TRAVIS: All right. TALIESIN: We’re going to have to be very careful. TRAVIS: I’ll start walking. LIAM: So all enemies are gone–
SAM: Don’t start walking. We need to burn our way through. Light a torch or something. LIAM: The Caleb spider starts to– the Caleb Widow–
SAM: The Widogast? MARISHA: The Widogast, yeah. LIAM: Widogast Widow crawls over and starts pulling away a web, looking through where all that rubble is that Laura asked about earlier. MATT: Okay, so the rubble here? LIAM: Yeah, at the web, I’m pulling away. MATT: Okay, so you’re pulling it away. There is all manner of broken stone, compact earth. This is a cave in. This is a section where a part of it just fell in. LAURA: What about the sacs?
ASHLEY: Yeah, the sacs. MATT: We’ll get to that. Down here, you don’t see any bodies. All you find are clusters of webbing and that weird, dried mud-like thing that’s built in sections.
LIAM: Okay. MATT: Like piles of it and bits of it are cracked. LIAM: Okay, then the next thing is to crawl up to the ceiling and move to the closest one of these places that you described as having the bundles that we can’t see past. LAURA: Be careful, they might be egg sacs or something. TRAVIS: Oh, please, don’t do that. Don’t. No, look, I saw that happen one summer. It’s fucking terrible. LAURA: There was one time–
TRAVIS: Don’t pop egg sacs. LAURA: There was one time there was a spider– TRAVIS: Don’t tell this story.
LAURA: On the ground. I have to. There was a spider on the ground and I stepped– I was wearing flip flops, and I stepped on it, and out from underneath it, came a thousand little teeny baby spiders and they all went (squish) and over my foot because I was in flip flops!
SAM: (yells) Oh, how old were you? LAURA: Like 20-something.
SAM: Oh! Well, that’s normal.
MATT: So Jester. LAURA: Yes. MATT: As you step forward–
TRAVIS: No! Don’t.
TALIESIN: Jester just told that story, though, so now flip flops are D&D canon. MATT: While Caleb as a spider is slowly climbing through elements of the space, are you guys doing anything? TALIESIN: I am keeping an eye out and thinking about how to get rid of webs. MATT: Okay.
LAURA: I am going to– MATT: Perception check.
LAURA: –be keeping an eye on the holes, like looking for other holes that spiders might come out of and stuff, too. MATT: Perception.
ASHLEY: I’m going to pick up some of the spiders–
TALIESIN: Ooh, 25. SAM: You’re picking up some of the spiders? ASHLEY: Well, just so we have dinner, you know? LAURA: 23! ASHLEY: We all should be hungry later. MATT: 23, okay. You look at the alcoves where they were coming out of and glance over and look in. They’re not deep. You look inside and there are elements still being pushed up in there, other small sacs, and as you’re pulling apart some of the– where are you right now? You’re in the center of the room? LIAM: Well, what you described initially, which was these sacks and bundles, I guess what you just described– MATT: Okay, so you’re going to those. LIAM: Yeah.
MATT: Okay. So as you’re tearing them open and pulling them apart, it takes a bit of time because they’re strong. But they’re also loose, if that makes sense. As you open up and look on the inside, there’s more of that weird muddy, caked material that’s dried and it’s all on the inside of these sacs. You also find in one of them– actually, make an investigation check for me, if you could, as a spider. LIAM: As a spider, damn.
MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Not so good– ooh! That is a 17. MATT: 17.
LIAM: No, no. That’s a bigger subtraction, 15. MATT: 15. That’s actually still pretty good, though. You go through a few of these and you find dark metal daggers, you find pieces of weapons and armor, and you find old leather that is all of that caked in this dark, brown, red mud. LIAM: I would be just going like– MATT: Yeah, trying to go, ting, ting, ting, ting. LIAM: –chucking it down into the room. MATT: One gets stuck in the web and hangs there for a second. You do find one belt that has an iron ring on it and a large key hanging from it that was inside one of these and then scatters across the ground. LAURA: I go pick up the key.
MATT: Okay. MARISHA: I’m going to start trying to, you know, Mission Impossible through the webs to the other side of the door.
TRAVIS: I’ll grab that little dagger just so–
MATT: Okay. You grab it. It’s got stuff on it and comes off like dried dirt, rubbing off. TRAVIS: Flakes off or dusts off? MATT: It flakes off.
TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: You guys give a pass of the room. You look over in the back corner of the mama coming out of that whole upper area where it had collapsed inward. Looks like there’s a larger alcove in that area. TALIESIN: Caleb, maybe take a look in the big alcove. Don’t go too deep in there or anything. Just get a sense of what’s in there, if there’s anything living in there, maybe. LIAM: (gurgling) TALIESIN: I don’t know what that means, but I assume that’s okay. MATT: You skitter up, up into the space. LIAM: Here, give me yours. MATT: (laughs) As you make your way in, same thing, you see the caked mud everywhere. You see one very large sac that’s pressed into the corner. Coloration’s a little different from the ones that you were rummaging through earlier. LIAM: (gurgling) I have an intelligence of two. MATT: I know, make a perception check. TRAVIS: The mud has a brownish color, grayish color? MATT: Like brown-red, like a ruddy feel. Three. Looking around inside, you don’t see much else other than just this large sac that’s adhered against the wall and slightly upward and it has heavy strands holding it. It’s hanging a little bit, bulbous. TRAVIS: Can I reach down and just scoop some of the mud and smell it? MATT: Yeah, you go ahead and you pull it and pick it up and smell it. It flakes away and crumbles like a dull dirt. Has a tinny, metallic smell, but also like a sulfurous smell to it.
TRAVIS: Again. TALIESIN: Do I get the sense that it… I don’t know how to put this properly. Are we all right in here? I don’t know how to put that other than this mud– is any of this stuff feeling caustic? SAM: Chernobyl-y? MATT: (chuckles) Make a medicine check, if you want to look at it and see if there’s anything organic about it. TALIESIN: Yeah, I’ll make a medicine check. MARISHA: Am I able to ascertain–
TALIESIN: 15. MATT: Okay. There are elements of it that feels like blood, but not, or it’s a different kind of blood. It’s strange. It’s bunched in sections where it looks like it may have been more solid and congealed at times. The way it’s dried out and become this caked mud. In some places, it’s a layer. In some places, it’s a bundle. Which, blood doesn’t bundle. TALIESIN: No, but–
TRAVIS: It coagulates. TALIESIN: I definitely know enough about, yeah, okay. MATT: Something has caused whatever the substance is, if it were blood, and there are elements that remind you of it, to coagulate heavily. All these things that you see, there’s no sign of bones, there’s no signs of flesh or decay. There’s just this material.
TALIESIN: No, they’ve dissolved. LAURA: It is like their poop!
TALIESIN: No, it’s not. It’s the opposite.
LAURA: I mean, yeah. TALIESIN: These are–
LAURA: Poop from the mouth. (laughter) LIAM: Regurgitated?
TRAVIS: Poop from the mouth. TALIESIN: This is meals put away for later. LIAM: I have a question, too, but I think you did first. MARISHA: Yeah, sorry. Am I able to tell where these spiders might have come from or what kind of spiders they might be? Are these abyssal spiders? MATT: Make a religion check.
TRAVIS: Ooh. TALIESIN: That was an interesting thought. SAM: Abyssal spiders?
TRAVIS: Is that a thing? MARISHA: Abyssal. 11. MATT: (sighs) You’re hard pressed to think of anything specific. They don’t look like normal spiders. They’re in the entranceway of some dark fortress. The rest is not coming to mind. TRAVIS: That is a clear door on the other side of the room, right? MATT: There is the latticed gate, yes. TALIESIN: We just have to– someone with something sharp or something has to cut these webs down. LIAM: My question was if my intelligence and everything adjusts to this spider, to the form I’m in, do I also have any sort of animal instinct that I’m looking at either an egg sac or a food sac? MATT: I’d say, as this is happening, this is definitely an egg sac. It’s like 15 feet long, side to side. TRAVIS: Fire, with fire! SAM: I’m going to start cutting through the room, try to get to the other side.
MATT: Okay. Now that you guys have noticed and you have all the light in the center, you come through and start clearing it out bit by bit. TALIESIN: While they’re doing that, I’m going to keep looking around, taking a look at things, seeing if anything seems odd.
LAURA: I’m going to use Sacred Flame on the webs, as much as possible. MATT: Slowly burning away the remnants of the webbed interior– Oh god!
(shouting) TRAVIS: My foot, fuck! LIAM: Caleb will back– Widogast Widow will back up to the edge of that little cave that I was at and revert to a human and say to the group that there is a very large egg sac in there. Do we want to just try to walk away from it or should I burn it? SAM: We should burn it because if we ever come back through here, there could be some more spideys. LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Exactly what I was going to say. LAURA: Also, we should look through some of those other egg sac things and see because we got this key out of that one, right? So what if there’s cool stuff in some of the other ones? TALIESIN: I was going to argue against that, but considering that the eggs are probably not going to be– TRAVIS: Should we see if the lattice needs to be unlocked by said key and get the door open? TALIESIN: Let’s check.
LIAM: Yeah, that is good. Then everybody either go just through the entrance over there or to the other side and I will stand way back and just hock, hock that sphere of fire in there. TALIESIN: We want to also make sure that there aren’t any other traps in the room or anything like that. SAM: In this room?
TALIESIN: Yeah. SAM: Okay. TALIESIN: Just to make sure none of the– SAM: Like, near the door?
TALIESIN: Yeah. TRAVIS: Go check that gate, Nott. SAM: I’ll check that gate. I’ll check that gate. I’m going to go check that gate. MATT: Nott, make an investigation check for me. LAURA: (laughs) What was that throw? SAM: That’s my new roll.
LAURA: His roll went– MATT: Hey, dice! SAM: 23.
MATT: 23. That doesn’t appear to be trapped. SAM: No traps here that I can see, but I’ve been wrong before. MATT: Looking around it, you do see the center of the grates, they overlap and are latched in. There is a central bar that ties them together in the center part where they are and there is a keyhole there. SAM: Oh, maybe that key will work. Come on over, Jessie. TALIESIN: I’m going to check the–
LAURA: Should I do it? SAM: Yeah, do it. Yeah, it’s fine. TALIESIN: Did you check the door?
SAM: I checked everywhere. TALIESIN: Okay.
SAM: Maybe. TALIESIN: I’m looking at the columns while that happens. ASHLEY: Yeah, I want to–
MATT: Okay. You guys are looking at the column. As you approach and meet up with Nott, you look down and you can see there’s– with what light’s coming to the edge of the chamber on the opposite end, a bit of mist is gently making its way into the room through the lattice in the floor. There’s maybe an inch of mist that’s (blowing) entering before it dissipates. The room itself is warmer than the place you entered through. But you put the key in.
LAURA: In this room? MATT: In this room, yeah. LAURA: You guys, there’s stuff on the other side of this door. MATT: You notice, Yasha, too, the corpses of the spiders, as you pick them up, they’re hot to the touch. Not scalding, but there’s a heat to them. SAM: Yasha, do you know what this is? Where are we? ASHLEY: I have a feeling we should not eat these, so I’m going to put these aside. Just intuition.
TALIESIN: All right. MATT: So you put the key in and then you turn it. LAURA: Well, I’m holding off for just a minute because there’s mist coming through here. TRAVIS: Yeah, and it’s just like–
LAURA: Maybe Detect Magic? TALIESIN: I’m out. I’ve only got one of them. ASHLEY: Yeah, can we just give a looksee of the pillars? MATT: Yeah, perception check, both of you guys. TALIESIN: 20. ASHLEY: I’ve run into it. I rolled one. MATT: While Yasha’s rubbing the nose, it’s a little bit flattened by the impact, you glance around. TRAVIS: At least you can keep raging. ASHLEY: I’m okay. MATT: These pillars, nothing particular about them strikes you. They’re mainly just load bearing and meant to design a symmetrical entrance to this. TALIESIN: No writing, no everything. TRAVIS: All right, everybody through the door– LAURA: Hold on, hold on, does the mist seem like normal mist or does it seem like creepy mist or like it could be poisonous?
MATT: It looks like mist. Make a perception check. You know what, nature check, nature check. You can see the mist. LAURA: Nature.
MATT: Yes. LAURA: Eight.
MATT: Eight. Looks like mist. LAURA: I think it’s just mist. TRAVIS: All right, everybody in. Let’s light this candle.
LAURA: Hold on, I haven’t unlocked it yet. MATT: You turn it. TALIESIN: I’m sticking back with Caleb. MATT: The metal swings (creaks). You push it off to the side and the lattice can be pulled apart, pulls open to one side or both and slides inside the doorway, opening the entrance way, and as you all approach, you can see, the light source is still cast in the center of the chamber. You can move it if you want or cast it again, but you can see this mist just coasting across the floor, making its way towards the chamber you were just in. TRAVIS: Does it look like a hallway or is there a back that we can see? MATT: Currently, you see a hallway that goes back about to the edge of your visual range. What’s your darkvision?
TRAVIS: 60 feet. MATT: 60 feet, okay. So yeah, you can see the back. You can see the hallway continues on and just, there’s a wall. TRAVIS: Just a dead end? Doesn’t look like a T? MATT: Correct, well, from what you can see here. The mist seems to be higher and thicker the further in you go. TRAVIS: It’s coming down, then, from– SAM: Above? TRAVIS: Unless there’s a grate that’s up off the floor or something. MARISHA: Does it look like it’s continuing to roll out into this room? Or is it just dissipating in a certain point? MATT: It’s dissipating as it enters the room. TRAVIS: It’s coming down. All right, all right, everybody, now that we’re by the door, Caleb, do your– LIAM: You either go in a couple of– well, you know what, nevermind, I have a different idea. I cast Dancing Lights and the four globules go into a little row, illuminating the crack from this room into that back chamber and I make sure that the Glove of Blasting is on tight and I throw out three Scorching Rays at the egg sac. MATT: Okay, roll three attacks. LIAM: First is super low. It is, hold, hold, hold. SAM: Holding. LIAM: Hold, it is 13. MATT: 13 is fine. Roll again. LIAM: The second is higher than that. 16. Oh, lower. The last one is 11. MATT: 11, okay, so roll damage for the first two. LIAM: Okay, okay. I don’t have this prepared. It’s an item, so. MATT: I believe it’s two d6 fire damage for– LIAM: Yeah, I do, too. I just wanted to make sure. So the first two. LAURA: What if he was letting us know because the room is so hot. What if it’s something fire resistant?
LIAM: 12. MATT: Okay, so (poofs). Both the bolts strike through the center and left side. It goes up in flames and begins to burn. The right side hits, impacts, but doesn’t seem to catch. LIAM: Back up, back up, back up, back up. MATT: As the flames begin to curl up, you hear (screeching) this loud, discordant gathering of tiny squeaks and squeals and you watch as some tiny spiders, when I say tiny, I mean, you know, six inches across, come out and fall and burn. Some come out on fire and continue to skitter in your direction. Some come out untouched. There is hundreds. TRAVIS: Nuke that fucking thing! LIAM: I start pulling out bat guano and sulfur and if I have the time, Old English. TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: They’re scattering out in all directions. They’re escaping the flames. They seem to be–
LIAM: I will put in front of them. MATT: Yes. You guys watch as Caleb throws the one, backs up, backs up. Throws the second sphere and (explosion) the fire almost back drafts for about 10 feet out of the interior chamber. The heat catches you. The room’s already warm, but now this is a flash heat that singes you by proximity. You watch as dozens and dozens of flaming spider corpses are jettisoned out of the explosion in pieces and, for a moment, you watch as the entire chamber is rained with tiny bits of cinder across the ground. But–
SAM: Food fight! MATT: They seem to be fairly resistant to flame, but not immune and that was enough to finish off the entirety of that chamber. LIAM: Tugging on the glove. Should have done that in the first place. Let’s go. TALIESIN: Let’s take a quick, I’m going to take a quick– TRAVIS: Quick look.
TALIESIN: –peek in there. I’m going to hop up with my Light and take a quick look.
MATT: Okay. It is a blackened small rock alcove where there is current still burning bits of web, egg sac, and dozens of exploded bits of spider. TALIESIN: Nothing else. Nothing else in there? MATT: Make an investigation check if you want to scan through. TALIESIN: Yeah. My investigation sucks, but fuck it. 11. MATT: 11. You pour through. You find a lot of burnt spider bits. Nothing else really catches your attention, unfortunately. LIAM: You know, I was going to leave, but if I see Caduceus picking around in it. I will go and what are you looking for? TALIESIN: I don’t know. Yeah, nests are nests, you never know if something interesting gets stashed. LIAM: Okay, can I Will Graham the room? TRAVIS: Will Graham! (clapping) TALIESIN: I love you so much.
ASHLEY: What a good reference. MATT: Sure. TALIESIN: I needed that so badly.
ASHLEY: Thank you. LIAM: So that is… 23. MATT: 23?
LIAM: Yeah. MATT: To?
LIAM: To look and see if I see anything in the cavity where the egg sac was. MATT: Right, okay. Yeah, as you kind of, and this’ll take you a while to do so because you guys are pouring through a bunch of burning rubble having to wait for it to cool off in some areas and take weapons you have and shove off sections of burning, charcoaled husks that were a part of the egg sac and broken, destroyed spider baby corpses just falling onto the ground into ash. LIAM: I will also look for any whole, cooked spider babies. MATT: There’s probably a few if you want to. You can probably grab a few.
LIAM: I’ll pick up two or three while I’m searching.
MATT: Easy enough to grab. Easy enough to grab. You do find a jeweled case, about that big, that is wrapped in leather and part of one of the handfuls of other webbed pouches similar to the other deflated, mud-caked interior-ed web pouches you saw in the main chamber. LIAM: I’m going to call over my shoulder to the group. Are we in a hurry? Do I have 10? SAM: Sure, take your time.
TRAVIS: Yeah, do it. LIAM: I uh, I uh (dithering) I pick it up. MATT: Okay, you grab it. LIAM: Nott, come here!
SAM: What? Up in there, okay.
LIAM: Oh, no, I start carrying it out.
TRAVIS: –guard this hallway just in case something comes out. LAURA: You got it. I’m already sitting there. I’m making swirly patterns in the mist. LIAM: Is that going to explode or spit out gas or anything? SAM: I don’t know. Maybe. Let me check it. I will check it for traps. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: How is everybody?
SAM: 27. MATT: 27. Seems safe enough, though it is locked. TALIESIN: I’m just going to do–
SAM: I’ll try to unlock it. TALIESIN: Since we’re taking 10, quick Prayer of Healing. MARISHA: Okay.
SAM: 32. MATT: 32. MARISHA: Can you spell your name? MATT: You look at it. The lock is– the actual design of it, as you get a chance to then get the dust off of it, it’s like a dark, black wood, though it did not burn, with a little bit of a metallic, iron trim on all sides and the lock itself is a unique key-shape that you’ve not seen before. It looks weirdly like a fucked up Z. It’s interesting. You go ahead and find the lock and unpick it. Open it up. There is a piece of leather wrapped around a piece of veelium that is tightly wrapped. SAM: Feelium?
MATT: Yes. SAM: What’s that? What’s that? Who is that? Oh, it’s a spell. It’s a spell.
MATT: It appears to be a scroll of some kind.
SAM: I give it to you. Take this. It’s like a book, but smaller and rolled up. LIAM: This is for reading later and I tuck it away. MATT: (laughs) All right. SAM: Are we doing that thing where we– LAURA: Shouldn’t you read it now? because we need it.
SAM: –we take scrolls and we don’t tell the rest of the group about them? TALIESIN: I’ve already burned a 10-minute, no matter what. LIAM: Okay, okay, okay. With the scroll, do I need to Identify or read it? MATT: I mean, it’ll take you a little bit to– not too long, but you can scan through it and take time to study it.
LIAM: I’ll take time to study it then.
MATT: Okay. What’s everyone else doing while this is happening? TALIESIN: I’m doing a 10-minute heal. MATT: 10-minute heal. You’ll go ahead and mark that off and go ahead and roll healing for everybody. TALIESIN: Got it.
TRAVIS: Got it. 14 points.
TALIESIN: You took it, you took it, and you need it?
MATT: All righty. LAURA: Have we already looked through all of the other little dangled bits? MATT: You guys have gone through the remainder of the chamber. TRAVIS: Is that little dagger just a dagger? MATT: It’s a standard dagger.
TRAVIS: Okay. SAM: I’m going to go over to Yasha and say: is any of this ringing a bell yet? Have you been here before? Do you remember hot mist?
ASHLEY: No, I don’t. I don’t think I’ve ever been here. TALIESIN: We all remember hot mist. ASHLEY: Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever been here. SAM: You’re not holding back from us or anything? ASHLEY: No. SAM: Insight check. MATT: Go for it. SAM: 10. MATT: She seems pretty on the level. SAM: Hey. Did you steal my flask? ASHLEY: Oh, that’s right, your flask. Nott, I did not steal your flask. SAM: Okay. Do you know who did? ASHLEY: Are you sure you don’t have it? SAM: I’m sure I don’t have it. I’ve looked in all my pockets twice and in my shoes. MARISHA: You know, you did pretty great out there, though, without it.
ASHLEY: Yeah, you did. TRAVIS: Yeah, that one shot, boom!
MARISHA: It’s gnarly. LAURA: Oh my gosh, that was really impressive. SAM: I was aiming for the other one. MARISHA: That was Caleb. SAM: I know. I missed. I hit the wrong one. I’m a mess right now. ASHLEY: Yeah, you killed that mama spider basically with one hit. SAM: I did, I guess, I guess, in a way, I’m an orphan-maker, too. ASHLEY: I think you are–
(laughter) ASHLEY: I think you are more. I think you are because did you see how many orphans you made? And then we killed them all.
SAM: Yeah. LAURA: Hundreds.
ASHLEY: Hundreds of them. TRAVIS: (laughs)
ASHLEY: Yeah. Hey, that nickname is up for grabs if you would like to take it. SAM: We can maybe share it? ASHLEY: You can have it if you want. SAM: Well, you know, if we make a band with your rock harp, we could be the Orphan Makers. ASHLEY: The Orphan Makers?
LAURA: Oh, that’s good. ASHLEY: Do you play an instrument? SAM: I don’t. I don’t, I don’t play an instrument, but I don’t know, maybe I could–
LAURA: You could beat the jingle jangle buttons or something. SAM: Sure, yeah, yeah. Like, what’s this thing?
ASHLEY: Like some type of percussion?
LAURA: Yeah. That belongs in a rock band.
MATT: Shaker? LAURA: So it’s perfect. ASHLEY: How about, if we get out of here, let’s make a band called the Orphan Makers. SAM: Does anyone else play any instruments? LAURA: I play piano really well.
SAM: Oh, okay. This is a weird band. ASHLEY: That’s okay. It’s going to be great. TRAVIS: I can sight read perfectly. (laughter) SAM: You’ve studied music theory? TRAVIS: No. (laughter) TALIESIN: By read, I think he means he can read when he’s looking.
LIAM: Killing babies, by the way, technically just makes you a baby killer. MATT: But you killed the mama.
MARISHA: Yeah. ASHLEY: That name doesn’t sound as cool. LIAM: I thought that was Keyleth.
LAURA: Aw. MATT: You study over the scroll. MARISHA: Old campaign, all right, old campaign. MATT: The runes immediately come out to you as abjuration-based. Specifically, this is a Protection from Energy scroll. LIAM: Okay, okay. MATT: Mark that you have a Scroll of Protection of Energy. TRAVIS: All right.
TALIESIN: Let’s do the stuff. TRAVIS: Who’s ready to go into the hot yoga studio? LAURA: This one’s colder.
TRAVIS: What? LAURA: That room is colder than this one. TRAVIS: I think it’s hotter.
TALIESIN: No, it’s cold mist. It’s better for you.
SAM: The mist is cold or the mist is hot?
LAURA: The mist is cold. That’s why it’s evaporating. MATT: The temperature of the chamber, the hallway you’re walking towards, where the mist is gathered in the far end, is noticeably a lower temperature. It is cooler. TRAVIS: It’s colder. LAURA: We learned about these things. SAM: That’s scarier. LAURA: I like the cold. Let’s do it. TALIESIN: Let’s do this.
MATT: All right. What’s the marching order, guys? TRAVIS: I’ll be at the front. SAM: Yeah, I’m not going in there. ASHLEY: I’ll be behind Fjord.
LAURA: I’ll be behind Yasha. MARISHA: I’ll be behind Jester. TALIESIN: I’ll be behind Beau. LIAM: I’ll be second-to-last.
SAM: I’ll be last. MATT: Fjord, Yasha, Jester, Beau, Caduceus, Nott, Caleb.
TALIESIN: Caleb, Nott. LAURA: No, it’s like–
SAM: I don’t own a pet. TALIESIN: Are you sure?
LAURA: It’s like a little fuzz. MATT: All righty. TRAVIS: No problem. (muffled chattering) SAM: Oh, I did go down on an old guy. MATT: It is–
(laughter) TALIESIN: Stop it! LIAM: Bring it back, bring it back, bring it back! MATT: The hallway is about eight, nine feet wide. You can do two people at a time if you want to. It’s up to you. TRAVIS: I always love doing two people at a time. (laughter)
MARISHA: Sure. LAURA: I’ll walk next to Beau. TRAVIS: Yasha, let’s roll. ASHLEY: I’ll pull up next to Fjord. MATT: All right.
TALIESIN: I’ll solo. ASHLEY: I’ll pull up next to–
(laughter) MATT: As Yasha and Fjord, the chamber goes on for about 60 or so feet before it comes to and end. What are you guys doing?
LAURA: Watch for traps and stuff– TRAVIS: That’s it?
MATT: From where you’re standing. You walk through.
TRAVIS: Okay, walk forward. LAURA: Watch out, there could be holes in the ground or something covered by the mist. TALIESIN: Oh, actually, yeah, we can’t see the ground, can we? MATT: No, you cannot– bless you– because as you get about 20 or so feet in, the mist is about a foot high.
TALIESIN: Oh, no. MATT: You get about halfway through, 30 feet, and it’s up to your knee.
TALIESIN: Okay. TRAVIS: Hey, Yasha, on the count of three, blow really hard, one, two, three. (blowing) I just did it by myself, didn’t I? MARISHA: Yeah.
(laughter) MATT: It swirls up a bit and picks up a bit. TRAVIS: You guys see the ground for a flash of a second when I did that? MATT: The ones closest to you, a little bit. TRAVIS: All right, now, if you fucking jump in the trap– LAURA: I join, I join.
(both blowing) MATT: All right. It picks up a little bit and for about a foot ahead of you, you can see some of the floor before the mist gathers back into it. TRAVIS: Similar to the floor that we were just in in the other chamber? MATT: Yep, just a standard stone floor. ASHLEY: I’m going to take my cape.
MARISHA: Yeah. I’m going to take my robe. TALIESIN: Okay, this is, hm. TRAVIS: I’ll just walk forward a little bit. TALIESIN: I’ve got a weirder idea.
MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I’m going to take my staff, since I have my Light spell on the crystal, and I’m going to put it in the mist so that we can see any shadows in the mist if something comes out down there. MATT: Okay, cool. You go ahead and put it down in the mist. What it does is it makes the mist a little more opaque, but it does keep tabs of any shadows as you go through, so Caduceus, are you moving up or are you staying where you are? TALIESIN: I’m staying in the center of the group. MATT: Okay.
LAURA: But keep tapping it on the ground to make sure–
TALIESIN: Yeah, it’s staying. I’m using it as a dousing rod. MATT: You guys are moving forward. You’re just walking. Yasha, you’re using your cape to try and blow it out of the way. Okay, so you walk, you’re getting close to the edge of the chamber, looking ahead, it looks like the wall comes to an end from where you’re standing. TRAVIS: Can I look up? MATT: Sure. You walk forward. Make a perception check. TRAVIS: That is a 14. MATT: 14, you look up, and the best that you can tell, the ceiling comes and it comes to an endpoint with the edge of the wall.
TRAVIS: Oh. MARISHA: I’m going to take out a ball bearing. Throw it at the edge of the wall. MATT: You’re going to throw it, okay. Ting, ting. LAURA: There’s a hole in the ground. MARISHA: There’s a fucking hole in the ground. SAM: What? TALIESIN: I think it just bounced off the wall. MATT: Ting. Like a distant echo.
(oohing) TRAVIS: Fuck, that’s a long ass fall. MARISHA: Okay, all right, all right. TALIESIN: Finally those ball bearings serve a purpose. TRAVIS: (startled laughter) MARISHA: Hey! Yeah. LIAM: Could you do the cape thing again? Could we try to see what we’re dealing with here? MATT: You guys come a little closer. It’s exhausting to do so, to try and fill it off. I’ll say to this point, is it just Yasha doing this? LAURA: I’ll help. SAM: She’s doing it with rage.
MATT: Jester and Yasha, both make a constitution saving throw for me, please. ASHLEY: Constitution saving throws?
MATT: Yes. ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: 16! ASHLEY: 14. MATT: Not a problem. You continue to move forward and the mist separates a bit and as you guys get towards the very edge, about five feet from the far wall, not at the actual, but five feet beforehand, about five feet from where Fjord was walking, you can see, there’s a portion of the floor about 10 feet across that is open and there is a staircase that descends down. LIAM: Is this mist coming up out of this? MATT: The entire area below is suffused with mist. You see the stairs vanish below, out of sight. LIAM: I’m bringing up Dancing Lights and there’s four globules in addition to Caduceus’. TALIESIN: Is there a taste to this mist? Does it taste or smell like anything?
LAURA: Or smell? MATT: The smell– it’s pretty pure smelling, actually. It’s just a moist, watered mist. TRAVIS: I don’t mean to object, but– TALIESIN: Not sulfurous, okay. TRAVIS: Shouldn’t those of us with some darkvision go ahead instead of lighting up the mist? It’ll really illuminate our arrival. TALIESIN: Fair.
MARISHA: I have darkvision. TRAVIS: I do, too. ASHLEY: Okay, we can go.
MARISHA: Go. SAM: Have fun in there, boys and girls. TRAVIS: You have darkvision, don’t you? SAM: Sure, I do, but–
TALIESIN: It’s just the two of us. SAM: –mist is made of water and, you know, I’m not– MATT: (laughs) LIAM: I have something I can do– MATT: So is booze. LIAM: –just for me, besides Light but you need light. TALIESIN: I will assume that when the time comes, we will light up the room. TRAVIS: We can let you know, but let’s try and be stealthy, yeah? MATT: The spiral staircase is thin. It’s about, I’d say, three feet wide, so this is a single-fire– single-file journey going down. MARISHA: Single fire.
MATT: Single fire. So who’s going down first? TRAVIS: I don’t mind going first. MATT: Fjord’s going first. Who’s after Fjord? MARISHA: I’ll follow Fjord. I got pretty good stealth. LAURA: I’ll stay behind Yasha. MATT: All righty. Caduceus, staying where you are? TALIESIN: Yeah, I think this is a good marching order. MATT: Then same thing with–?
LIAM: I don’t think that the two blind people should be right– I think you should space us amongst the group. SAM: I can see. I’m back here with you. TALIESIN: Oh, then let’s– maybe, Nott, let’s put you in between the two of us. SAM: Between? LIAM: Or a taller person between us. MARISHA: Do a daisy chain?
LAURA: Yeah, that’s true. SAM: I’d better be in back in case anything comes behind us. LIAM: One person to stand between Caduceus and I who can see. LAURA: I’ll go between Caduceus and you. TRAVIS: You better follow us down. LAURA: I don’t know if you want the– TALIESIN: Two clerics together. LAURA: Maybe Caduceus and Yasha switch places, too? TALIESIN: Sure, sure. TRAVIS: Want me to cast Water Breathing on you? TALIESIN: I like that.
LAURA: That way you can– SAM: I have a ring of water walking. Maybe I can walk on the mist. I try to walk on the mist. MATT: Okay. You step out towards the mist. Make a dexterity saving throw. SAM: Save, 21. MATT: 21. You step out (whooshes) and immediately just fall through. You reach up and grab both sides of the corner where you almost fell and holding yourself in place, realize that’s not going to work. SAM: Doesn’t work.
MATT: You barely get yourself back up and (sighs).
SAM: No problem. TRAVIS: Good deal. All right, we descend. LIAM: You said it’s very thin, this stairwell? MATT: It’s three feet across, yeah. LIAM: I’m taking Nott and Jester’s hands in my hands because I can’t see shit.
MATT: Okay. LAURA: Just hold onto my shoulders, Caleb. TRAVIS: Can I take the first two steps and then reach out to try and feel a wall to my right? MATT: Mm-hm. As you guys head down the staircase, the first thing you notice is there is a wall to your left, I think. TALIESIN: If it goes clockwise, it’s the left. If it’s counter-clockwise, it’s the right. MATT: I’m pretty sure it’s to the left. You continue to spiral down and there is an actual, a solid wall. As you put your hand out and touch it, it is moist from the mist that gathers here. TRAVIS: If you reach your hand out to the left, you’ll feel the wall. It’s a little moist. We’re moving down in a particular direction. MATT: Okay. As you’re walking, the mist itself is pretty thick. You can see probably no more than 10 feet ahead of you. You can just barely see the outline of the stairs below. LAURA: Just keep blowing, Fjord. TRAVIS: So stealthy and slow. MATT: All right.
TRAVIS: The tap of the foot to the edge, keeping the weight on your back foot, slowly putting pressure on the next step in case it gives way or something like that. MATT: Okay, stealth check from everybody, please. MARISHA: Stealth check?
TALIESIN: Stealth check. LIAM: I’m smearing against the wall. TRAVIS: 16. MARISHA: 15. LIAM: Nine.
SAM: 25. LAURA: 15.
TALIESIN: 12. ASHLEY: Ten.
MATT: Okay. You guys continue down the first 20 or so feet, carefully making it down, daisy chaining through, each of you slowly emerging. You guys watch as your friends just slowly vanish into the mist, one by one, below. Until, eventually, you take the plunge and you can see the shoulders of your friend ahead of you, most of the head, and then it becomes shapes after that, and then a few feet beyond that, it becomes very, very faint shadows and then nothing. It’s this creepy silence as you continue downward. TRAVIS: Can I stop for a second?
MATT: Sure. TRAVIS: Hands on the wall–
MARISHA: Oh, ow! TRAVIS: Sorry, wait, wait, wait. Do we feel any kind of vibration in the walls? MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA and MARISHA: (laugh) MARISHA: I’m glad everyone went with us. TRAVIS: Natural 18 for 20. MATT: You put a hand to it. Everyone stays quiet. You feel no vibration.
TRAVIS: Okay. Keep moving ahead. MARISHA: Can you warn a bitch next time? TALIESIN: We’re trying to be careful.
LAURA: Are we moving again? MATT: You continue down for another 20 or so feet down. As you move, hand on the wall, (click) your foot hits one of the stone steps and you feel it just (clicks) depress. TRAVIS: Wait, stop, stop, stop! MATT: Ever so faintly.
TRAVIS: Stop, stop, stop, stop! MATT: It stops, your foot catches it, but you step on the foot and you feel it give just slightly. TRAVIS: Where’s Nott? MARISHA: She’s in the back. TRAVIS: Yeah, tell her to come up to the front. TALIESIN: Nott, we’re going to need you over here. MARISHA: Turn down the train, pass it down the line. ASHLEY: Pass it down the line!
MATT: Caduceus. While they’re doing this, you hear the phrase, you’re listening out there and you and… you’re the only one, actually, you hear this (low hum), this very, very, very subtle hum. TALIESIN: Is it a building hum or is it a steady hum? MATT: It’s a steady hum. Then the pitch begins to slowly (pitch increases). TALIESIN: Something’s happening. I think you triggered it. We should probably go. LAURA: Oh, no, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! SAM: Oh boy! LAURA: Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no!
MARISHA: Oh, fuck! We should go. We should just go! MATT: I need to go ahead and get the– TRAVIS: Oh no! SAM: Something’s happening again. I don’t know what, but Dwarven Forge is related to it somehow. The combat cam–
LAURA: What if it’s– SAM: –is Dwarven Forge–
LAURA: –like a ball, like Indiana Jones and it starts rolling down the stairs. MARISHA: Or like collapsing ceiling. LAURA: Yeah, or what if we’re all rising up and we don’t even know it. TRAVIS: Oh, shit! SAM: Our impending doom is brought to you by Dwarven Forge. ASHLEY: Oh my god.
MARISHA: What?! SAM: Dwarven Forge sponsored the Mighty Nein’s death. LAURA: How does this work?
TALIESIN: I’m so not okay. MATT: So Fjord, you are up there at the moment. SAM: I don’t understand. LIAM: Maybe one of us is a representative? TALIESIN: Oh no, it means this is all coming down. SAM: Maybe. Is this The Goonies? Are we the Goonies? TALIESIN: We are going to be Goonie jam. ASHLEY: Jester, you play piano. LIAM: Fjord, Fjord, do the truffle shuffle. SAM: Booty trapped. What is this?
TRAVIS: (worried shouting) TALIESIN: Ow, sorry, microphone. TALIESIN: Oh no. This is so unhappy. This is so unhappy. SAM: Ow, shit. TRAVIS: Really? Really?
MATT: You’re just doing this over and over and over again.
LAURA: Sorry, Chris. MATT: Sorry, Chris. Sorry about that. TRAVIS: (loudly into mic) Sorry, guys. SAM: You just deafened someone at home. MATT: All right. So Fjord, you just barely see down into the next element of the chamber, so, yeah, heading out was the right side. SAM: So wait, are these connected? LIAM: Yeah. It’s not on a diagonal. It’s one on top of the other. TRAVIS: We can see straight down the shaft, right? MATT: Correct, so, the hum is slowly increasing.
TALIESIN: I cast Resistance. MATT: Everyone roll initiative, please. This is part of this now. LAURA: Oh god.
TRAVIS: (clapping) Woo! Good shit, Matt. Good shit! MARISHA: That’s better. TRAVIS: Fuck you! SAM: ♪ I had a feeling ♪ ALL: ♪ Ooh hoo ♪ LIAM: Oh, man.
TRAVIS: Is that Guns N’ Roses? MARISHA: ♪ That this fight’s gonna be a good fight ♪ MATT: 25 to 20. ASHLEY and MARISHA: 20. SAM: Wow! LAURA: 20 twins! MATT: Yasha and Beau. ASHLEY: Sentinel babes. MATT: 20 to 15. TRAVIS: 20 to 15, no one. MATT: 15 to ten. LIAM: 13. TRAVIS: 15 to ten, that’s it?
LIAM: 15 to ten, anybody? TRAVIS: Oh, wow. LIAM: Holy shit.
MARISHA: Wait, what, no one? MATT: All right, ten to five. TALIESIN: Eight.
SAM: Seven. LAURA: Six.
LIAM: Whoa. TRAVIS: So Caduceus, Nott, Fjord, Jester. SAM and LAURA: Technically– SAM: Nott, Caduceus, because I have–
MATT: That’s true. SAM: I have a higher dex. I’m assuming. because you’re a big cow man. TALIESIN: Yeah. My dex is 12. MATT: Yasha and Beau, what are you guys doing?
LAURA: Oh, ah, it started! TALIESIN: Go, go, go, go! LIAM: Wake up–
ASHLEY: I mean, I can’t move because everyone’s there, I don’t know what– MATT: You can move through your friends. You can carefully push past. ASHLEY: Okay, I’ll start moving down. MARISHA: I’m going to spend a ki point and cast Step of the Wind. MATT: 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40 TRAVIS: On who? MARISHA: Myself. MATT: You are almost around here. You use your action to move again? ASHLEY: Ch’yeah. LAURA: Did you just do it again? SAM: I can’t leave and I can’t [inaudible] anything. MATT: You are at the top of the stair there. There’s a rotation through each of these. Beau.
MARISHA: Step of the Wind. MATT: Step of the Wind.
MARISHA: 90 feet. MATT: Correct, so that brings you– LIAM: Is this a giant, empty cylinder? MATT: Correct.
LIAM: Okay. MARISHA: I’m sorry! Freaking out!
LIAM: It’s hidden. MATT: So action or just movement? Movement will get you about there. MARISHA: Oh, right, right. Action, move again. MATT: Okay, that gets you around. LAURA: Watch out for traps, though, as you walk. Don’t do it again. TRAVIS: I think we already tripped the one. LAURA: There might be more. MARISHA: In Step of the Wind, I’m moving again. MATT: Full move got you to there. You double moved, you double moved and got there, so, yeah, with Step of the Wind, it would be– TALIESIN: You can walk on the wall. You can run on the walls.
MATT: Well, she can until the end of her turn. LAURA: But the walls are slick, too. TALIESIN: That’s fair.
TRAVIS: Oh, shit. ASHLEY: What if you just jump straight down? MARISHA: I know, just slide down. TRAVIS: Is there open space in the middle? MATT: Yeah, it’s an open drop, like there’s a wall on one side and there’s nothing on this side and, as you guys look over, and you hear that hum, you look down and it’s just ten feet down is as much as you can see. TRAVIS: Because there’s still a fucking shit load of mist. MATT: Correct.
TRAVIS: Any light down there? Nothing, just–
MATT: Nothing. It’s just the light you guys have, which is nothing. It is dark. All right, that finishes your guys’ turns. ASHLEY: How long is that timer? MATT: You don’t know.
ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. MARISHA: Go, go, go, go. We’re out of time. MATT: (whooshes) TRAVIS: No, no, no, no, no! What is that?!
(screaming) MATT: This right there. LAURA: Oh my god! LIAM: (laughs) MARISHA: I am so far down. MATT: The mist seems to take a weird shape. From the movement, you see a face emerge from it and these angry wisps of a arm reach out towards Jester and Caduceus at the top. LIAM: It was nice knowing you, Beau! MATT: Against Jester, that is going to be a 17 to hit? LAURA: Doesn’t hit me. MATT: Knocks off the shield. Caduceus, another 17 to hit.
TALIESIN: Does not hit. MATT: No effect. Then it pulls away to vanish. You guys both get attacks of opportunity. LAURA: Yeah!
MATT: With disadvantage. LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: Was it– was that a ghost? TALIESIN and MATT: You don’t know. TALIESIN: All right, with disadvantage, I’m going to do a– LAURA: That’s a natural one for me. TALIESIN: Sacred Flame. MATT: It’s an attack of opportunity, unless you have War Caster. TALIESIN: I do have War Caster. MATT: Yes, you can. All right. TALIESIN: It’s dex save. MATT: Dex save. That is going to be a 13. TALIESIN and MATT: Nope. MATT: Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: The back of your head? TALIESIN: There we are. That’s 15 radiant. MATT: 15 radiant damage, nice. LAURA: Ooh, does that burn away mist? MATT: It burns, outside of its body, and it (growls). It vanishes into the mist. It took some damage and now you have no idea where it is. All right, that ends its go. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I just start– okay, so I pull out the Driftglobe. I am in pitch dark and I am lighting up the entire chamber with it. I cast Daylight. MATT: It’s your action to activate the globe. The room opens up. It’s very bright. It also makes the entire chamber opaque in the heavy mist, so your visibility is somewhat unchanged. LIAM: It went from pitch black to pitch white? SAM: and MARISHA: That’s like high beams in fog. LIAM: But I would not be able to see this before, I can at least see– MATT: You can at least see ten feet around you. LIAM: That’s better than I was. I just start… I can’t move, Jester’s there. MATT: You can move through your friends. LIAM: Yeah, I’m going to start carefully moving down. MATT: All righty, so then five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. Fjord’s in the way, but you can stay, essentially, right behind him. There you go. That ends your go, Caleb. That makes it to Nott and then Caduceus. TALIESIN: You go first.
SAM: I will move my 35 feet of speed.
MATT: Five, teen, 15, 25. You get between Caleb and Caduceus. That’s your move. You still have your action and bonus. SAM: My bonus action to dash another 35 feet. MATT: 30, 35, so you’re about here. SAM: I will hold my action with a crossbow bolt if I see another one of those fellers. MATT: You’ve got it. That finishes your turn. LIAM: Does that hourglass mean we’re all dead? MATT: The hourglass has expired now. SAM: Oh god. MATT: That hum gets (louder humming). (crackling) You watch as, below, in that open space, this blue crackle emerges and the entire mist is temporarily electrified in the entire chamber. I need everybody to make a dexterity saving throw. (groaning) TRAVIS: Seven. MATT: Ten points of lightning damage. TRAVIS: Ten points of lightning damage. MARISHA: 12. MATT: Ten points of lightning damage. MARISHA: Can I evasion half?
MATT: Half damage, five. LIAM: 16. MATT: 16. Five points of lightning damage. SAM: 21 plus evasion. MATT: No damage. LAURA: 11. MATT: Ten points of lightning damage. TALIESIN: 15. MATT: 15. Five points of lightning damage. ASHLEY: Okay, so I have advantage on dex against effects that you can see– MATT: You have no idea this was coming, so you do not. ASHLEY: So I don’t know this, okay, so 14. MATT: 14. You take five points of lightning damage. All right. So Nott, that finishes your turn. Caduceus, what are you doing? TALIESIN: I’m going to head down full speed. I’m doing 60 feet.
MATT: All right. So with that in tow. 25, 30. That gets you about there. ASHLEY: Oh, man.
MATT: In a precarious stage. I appreciate your patience for me fiddling with all this. All right. That finishes Caduceus’ go. Fjord, what are you doing? TRAVIS: Yes, double dash, 60 feet down. MATT: All righty, double dash down there. That’s 30 plus 30. At the same movement speed, you’d be about there from where Caduceus is, so you can barely see Yasha’s shape as you push past Caduceus, push past Nott. That brings us to Jester.
LAURA: Okay. I’m going to take off running like everybody else and head on down.
TRAVIS: 60 feet? LAURA: Yeah, yeah. MATT: You’re right next to– you almost bump into Nott and stop and that’s your full movement there. We’ll just put him there. Top of the round. Yasha, Beau. MARISHA: I’m going to move again, 45. Keep going. MATT: 35. MARISHA: Clear this next chamber. MATT: 40, your speed is 45?
MARISHA: 45. MATT: You’d be– yeah, you’d be already down to here. MARISHA: Can I peek down and see towards the bottom? MATT: You can make an action to try and perceive through the very dense fog, if you’d like. TRAVIS: Do it. You’ve got the goggles, right? 60 feet?
MARISHA: I do. I’ll try. MATT: Perception check, disadvantage. MARISHA: Disadvantage.
MATT: Correct. MARISHA: Okay, I’ll take that 13 for 16 total. MATT: 16, you glance down over the side and look and you see, about 25 or so feet down, there’s a slight blueish, purple just a gathering glow. That’s all you see. SAM: Where’d you find? MATT: That’s your movement. That’s your action. MARISHA: I jump down. TRAVIS: Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit. MATT: You leap down (whooshes) to the mist. MARISHA: Slow Fall.
MATT: Right. MARISHA: Just glide down the wall, monk-style. MATT: Okay, so you go down best you can. All right, slow fall, slow fall. You drop down to– there would be a 40-foot fall. Slow Fall reduces that by how much? MARISHA: It’s five times my monk level, which is nine, so 18. Right?
TRAVIS: 45. MARISHA: 45!
MATT: So yeah, so. You land to find. MARISHA: Sorry, I was doubling. I know multiplication works.
MATT: As you impact (whooshes) onto the ground and you see this large tower in the center that’s made of gold and brass and silver and it all arcs and spirals upward and you see this blue crystal that’s at the very top of it that is currently (whirring). By the way, as you’re down there, all the moisture around you is starting to vibrate and hum. MARISHA: Shit! Shit. MATT: That’s your bonus action. Was all you have left.
MARISHA: That’s all I have. That’s all I have.
MATT: No, no. That was your movement, so you landed, and you feel down there, you still have some movement if you wanted to. MARISHA: Oh, oh, this door. What’s with this door? MATT: You glance behind you and you see a door made of a similar material as to that tower right there. MARISHA: Do I have enough to jiggy it? Jiggy the lock? MATT: You look over and there’s no handle for it. You do see what looks to be– it’s the shapes of the metal ingrained in it, but you glance behind. That’s all you can make out with this turn. That’s it. That ends your turn, Beau. Yasha, what are you doing? ASHLEY: Okay, I’m taking my full movement, so 40 feet plus a dash, an extra 40.
MATT: All righty. 35, 40 is your speed, right? 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40. You’d be over here now.
ASHLEY: (frustrated noise) MATT: That’s your turn there.
ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: All right, that finishes your go. TALIESIN: Yep. MATT: The creature that’s been stalking through the mist emerges and swings out, one attack towards Nott, one attack towards Jester. Jester, it rolled a natural two. LAURA: Yeah!
MATT: The second one’s going to go after Nott. SAM: I have already fired at it with my held action. MATT: Yes, as it emerges from the mist after you. SAM: Ooh, 13. MATT: 13 does not hit, unfortunately. It attacks you with a 20.
SAM: That hits. MATT: All right, you suffer, ooh, that’s 14 points of bludgeoning damage as the condensed wind or whatever makes up its body just whacks, slams you against the wall and cracks your shoulder a little bit. LAURA: Can I hold on to Nott to make sure she’s, oh– SAM: I used evasion. Is that a reaction or is that a– MATT: That’s– evasion– SAM: Is that a thing that happens? MATT: That’s a good question. Well, just in time for that. (groaning) SAM: Hold on, features and traits– MATT: I don’t think evasion is a reaction. I think it’s your–
SAM: It’s just an ability. MATT: Yeah, it’s your Uncanny Dodge that’s a reaction. SAM: Yeah, so I will use my– I will use my Uncanny Dodge on this attack. MATT: Go for it, so you reduce that by half. SAM: Okay. MATT: All righty. I need everybody to make a dexterity saving throw. Marisha, you make it at disadvantage. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Because you point blank.
MARISHA: Yeah. Ooh, ooh! MATT: Hold on a second. Okay. TRAVIS: Natural one.
MATT: Natural one. 14 points of lightning damage. MARISHA: 12. MATT: Take seven points of lightning damage. No, because you have evasion. MARISHA: Oh.
LIAM: 21. MATT: You take seven points of lightning damage. SAM: 16. MATT: You take seven points of lightning damage. LAURA: 20. MATT: Seven points of lightning damage. TALIESIN: Ten. MATT: You take 14 points of lightning damage. ASHLEY: 15. MATT: Seven points of lightning damage. MARISHA: Oh, gosh.
MATT: (humming dissipating) SAM: Oh, boy.
(humming recharging) MATT: It’s charging up even stronger. ASHLEY: This is going to be hard. MATT: All right, that brings us to– oh, and this is, again, it’s going to go ahead and vanish into the mist. Both you and Nott get attacks of opportunity if you want to. LAURA: Fuck, fuck, fuck! MATT: With disadvantage because this guy’s invisible, technically. SAM: I got a 25 with disadvantage. MATT: That hits.
LAURA: I got 13. MATT: 13 misses. You swing and it’s not there. You’re just hitting mist with your weapon. SAM: 11 points of damage.
MATT: 11 points of damage. Nice, good to know. All right, that finishes its go. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I’m booking it, double. MATT: All righty. You are just behind. You’d be right between Caduceus there. LAURA: Slowly just be in the middle of the mist. MATT: All righty, that finishes your turn, Caleb. Nott, Caduceus, you guys are up. SAM: I’m going to do what I did last time. 35 feet, 35 feet, bonus. MATT: Holding it. 30, 35. You’re pushed in that space there. I’ll allow it. It’s fine, because you’re still rushing. 15, 20, 25, you’d be down here. 30, 35, you’re right at the cusp of this. You move past. Oh god. SAM: I will do the same thing. Hold my action with the crossbow bolt until I see the whites of their mist. MATT: You would be here. You just got to the stairs here. SAM: Oh, that’s not a very far move. MATT: Well, you moved twice to move around to get to that side and then hold that, so. SAM: I’ve moved–
MATT: No, no. You’ve moved more then. You’re right, my apologies. You would be here, just about there. You’re holding your action. SAM: Yes. MATT: All right, you’re done with that. Caduceus? TALIESIN: 60 feet. That’s all I got. Somebody’s got to break that crystal and turn that thing off. I don’t know. MATT: You should be past Yasha. That’s right, because it’s all about corners. You would be about there. Technically, technically, Nott. SAM: What’s up?
MATT: Technically, because you would have had to go once and around, and you’ve been not doing a double run, you’d be a little bit ahead of Caduceus by ten feet, so you would still be on this mark there. SAM: Okay. MATT: Double run. TALIESIN: You’re doing this just to torture us for how long it takes to do everything with– MATT: Yep, I know.
TALIESIN: Bloody thing! MATT: Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Can I look over the side of the stairway and say: Beau, if you can hear me, grab some wall! And I’ll shoot two Eldritch Blasts just straight down the tunnel, trying to illuminate the smoke and see how far down this thing goes. MATT: Okay, roll for attack, disadvantage each time, as you’re just shooting towards a glow. You don’t have a specific– TRAVIS: Oh, disadvantage. 12– MATT: You don’t even know where it is. You can’t see it from here. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m just trying to see how deep it goes, like if it stops. That’s a 21 for the first one. MATT: With disadvantage?
TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Nice.
TRAVIS: Another one was a natural 20 and that one is only 11. MATT: Okay, 11 misses. Roll damage on the first. TRAVIS: Oh, it damaged, oh. MATT: It hit something. TRAVIS: Seven points of force damage. MATT: Okay, let me write that down. Okay, Beau, you watch as it hits the top (whooshes) and just vanishes into this crystal. The crystal is now even further intensified. TRAVIS: Did the light stop at some point? MATT: You just watched it vanish into the mist. You don’t know. You just fired it down there. All right.
TRAVIS: I still have a movement. MATT: You do.
TRAVIS: A bonus action. I’m going to– yeah, I’m going to step off of the stairs and jump down the middle, and I’m going to try and wait until I see something and hold Misty Step with my bonus action. MATT: Okay. (whooshes) You begin plummeting. You only fall 60 feet a round, so at the full falling speed, I’d say you get about here. What’s your passive perception? TRAVIS: It’s not great, it is 12.
MATT: All right. You do not see anything yet.
TRAVIS: Okay. Yeah, the plan is to hold it until I see something and then I would Misty Step to the wall. MATT: You are currently plummeting at that point there. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: You’re falling in a free fall at this point. (laughs) Good to know. All right, that brings us to Jester. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to Polymorph into a giant eagle. I’m going to dive down. SAM: Whoa, that is a huge bird.
MATT: The fly speed on that is– LAURA and MATT: 80. SAM: Whoa. MATT: You fly, moving right past Fjord. LAURA: Do I see him?
TRAVIS: It’s a roc! MATT: You come right next to Fjord. Do you stay or do you keep going? LAURA: I’m going to get– oh god, would that get me all the way to the bottom? MATT: 80 feet, not all the way to the bottom. LAURA: As soon as I know I’m coming to the end, I would go to the wall and I would go and land on the steps. I’m not going to hang out in the middle. I’m going to go land against the wall. LIAM: Massive bird person steps. TRAVIS: No!
MATT: On the steps. Fjord, you’re falling past. TRAVIS: Goddamn wildlife!
MATT: At this point, (whooshing) the arc energy comes shooting up through the mist. I need everyone to make another dexterity saving throw. TALIESIN: Goddamn it. MATT: Disadvantage for you. Actually, disadvantage for both Fjord and Beauregard. MARISHA: That was a natural one, so. TRAVIS: These are dexterity saving throws, right?
MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: Oh, for fuck’s! MATT: Okay, hold on, so that’s 15 plus the seven damage that it absorbed from the Eldritch Blast. That’s a 22.
TRAVIS: That it absorbed from it? MATT: Yes.
TRAVIS: 22 points. MATT: 22 points of lightning damage. MARISHA: A natural one. MATT: A natural one, so you take 11 points of lightning damage. LIAM: 19.
MATT: 11 points of lightning damage. SAM: 17.
MATT: 11 points of lightning damage. LAURA: 21.
MATT: 11 points of lightning damage. TALIESIN: Three.
MATT: 22 points of lightning damage. ASHLEY: 12. MATT: That would be 11 points of lightning damage. MATT: No, 22, 22. SAM: Do I get my evasion? MATT: 22 points of lightning damage. SAM: Did I make my save? MATT: You did, so you actually would take none. All righty, that finishes Jester’s turn. We’re up at the top, Yasha, Beau. MARISHA: (yells) I look at the– can I look at the crystal really quick and see if there’s a– can I grab it? Can I…?
MATT: It’s about seven feet up there is the main crystal, and all the spirals that are attached to it. What are you doing? MARISHA: Could I investigate if there’s any way to dismantle it? MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check. Use your action to do so. TRAVIS: This is good for you, right? MARISHA: Yes. Yes, yes, it’s a natural 19. MATT: All right, you spin around to the side– MARISHA: Plus my investigation, which is– MATT: Plus?
MARISHA: Plus– LAURA: Come on, come on, come on!
MARISHA: Eight, plus six! MATT: Plus six, you–
MARISHA: 25! MATT: You come around to the side, there’s nothing on this end, on this wall. You come around to the side, and you can see there’s a small, oval-shaped alcove. You glance in and you can see this small, blue sparkle. This piece of brass metal is dangling in the center of this alcove with the little blue sparks on each side and it’s just held in the center. It’s about a foot deep and there, and you can see the hole goes all the way through. There’s a hollow tunnel, about that wide, from end to end, and there’s something in the middle that’s being held aloft, sparking at both ends. That was your action to find it. You have your bonus action and your move. What are you doing? LAURA: Come on, come on, come on!
MARISHA: Can I grab it? Can I try and get it? MATT: I’ll allow it because you’re a monk. You reach out and try and grab this thing. I need you to go ahead and make a strength check. TRAVIS: Come on, come on!
LAURA: You can do it. TRAVIS: Come on, come on! MARISHA: Okay, a check? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: 17. MATT: 17. You reach out and grab it (whooshes). First thing’s first, you immediately take 12 points of lightning damage.
MARISHA: That’s fine. MATT: As your hand touches it and (grunts), you wrench it free from the inside and pull it out. MARISHA: 12, 12. Thank you, sorry. MATT: You pull it out from the center and you see sparks of energy spiraling outward and immediately, the crystal goes dark. ASHLEY: Yes! MARISHA: (yells) MATT: Yasha, what are you doing? ASHLEY: I’m using my full movement to make my way down. TRAVIS: (laughs) Well, hell. ASHLEY: Well, hell. MATT: You are right about there. ASHLEY: For 80? TRAVIS: Yasha, there’s a big fucking bird in here! MATT: You run down as you see Fjord just (whooshes) and a giant eagle lands on the opposite side, like precariously balanced, in the moment, on the steps. Finishing Yasha’s go, you are out of play. That brings us to its turn. LAURA and SAM: (bird screeches) MATT: Has moved along.
LAURA: The mist monster’s still here. SAM: I fire! MATT: Going to go ahead and attempt to strike you twice. TRAVIS: You fire?
SAM: I shoot at it. MATT: Yes, you do. Where you are right now, you cannot see it. SAM: Just in front of Caduceus? MATT: I’ll say. SAM: Made a big point about putting me ten feet in front of Caduceus. MATT: I know, but he’s about 20 feet above that area. SAM: That’s fine, that’s fine.
MATT: I’ll say, I’ll say, roll a perception check for me, with disadvantage. I’m allowing you free, because you’d be focusing on Caleb, storyline-wise. SAM: It’s nine.
MATT: Nine, you do not see it, unfortunately.
SAM: Nein! MATT: That’s going to be a 14 to hit. LIAM: Shield, so the 2nd-level spell slot. MATT: All right, and the second one is a 21 to hit. LIAM: Hits. MATT: Okay, so that second one does still hit. It goes ahead and deals only seven points of bludgeoning damage to you. (booming) It’s going to go ahead and back away into the mist. It’s going to vanish downward. TALIESIN: I don’t suppose it gets near enough for me to have a reaction.
MATT: It does not. You do get attack of opportunity against it, if you’d like to, Caleb. Do you have War Caster as a feat? LIAM: Yeah, I do. MATT: You can reaction spell cast against it if you want to. LIAM: I will throw a Fire Bolt at it. MATT: All right, go ahead and roll attack to see if you hit. With disadvantage because it is invisible. LIAM: Balls. (mutters) Move, D&D Beyond. TRAVIS: Balls, balls, balls.
LIAM: 12. MATT: 12 misses. You keep seeing, in the mist, suddenly, a face (whooshes) appear and you’re struck twice and then dissipates. It’s just like the mist itself is attacking you and you don’t know where it’s going to come and then where it goes afterward. All right, that finishes its go. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I’m not moving fast enough and I have no idea what happened down below, so I pull out a cocoon and do what I wanted to do the last time and didn’t and mimic Jester and there is a second giant eagle in the chamber.
MATT: Okay. I only have this.
TRAVIS: Badass. MATT: All right, and you just go ahead and leap down? LAURA: We’re two eagles!
LIAM:Ja.TALIESIN: Can I get– okay, never mind. MATT: You get to this space here. TRAVIS: It’s the eagles! LAURA: If you jump–
MATT: All right. TRAVIS: Fucking Torog! SAM: ♪ Welcome to the Hotel California ♪ MATT: Nott. SAM: All right (laughs). MATT: You watch as this giant eagle, this shape, of where Caleb was looking, you see just and dive down into the mist–
SAM: Take me with you! Okay, forget it. I’ll catch up. I will– I will dash. I will move and dash. MATT: All right. That gets you there with a movement and dash. SAM: How far back is Caduceus from me? Like 70 feet back?
MATT: Yeah, he’s a way back. SAM: You can only move 60 a turn, right? TALIESIN: Mm-hm.
SAM: I’ll stay put and hold my action.
MATT: You got it. LIAM: ♪ Welcome to the Hotel Rosohna ♪
SAM: (guitar noises) TALIESIN: Yeah, 60 feet. I should be 15 feet behind, yeah. That’s fine. MATT: You got it. All right, finishing Caduceus’ go. Hey, I’m glad you pulled that crystal. That would have gotten– damage increases every round. (groaning)
MATT: Yep. LIAM: It’s carving away. MATT: That brings us to Fjord. You fall towards the spire crystal (whooshes) and you see the point of it rocketing towards your torso. TRAVIS: I use my Misty Step bonus action to go out towards the wall to stop my momentum out towards wherever the stairs might be on the right. MATT: All right, you appear and fall about– we’ll say only ten feet. Go ahead and make an acrobatics check for me. TRAVIS: 17.
MATT: Yeah. You manage to take no damage as you just catch yourself on the stairs. You slip a little bit and stumble down two of them, but get yourself back to your feet. TRAVIS: On my ass. You didn’t see that. MATT: You’re okay. TRAVIS: I’ll get up and use the rest of my movement to walk down to where Beau is if I can. LIAM: We are also in the dark again, by the way, because the Driftglobe has been absorbed into my eagle form. MATT: That’s true.
TALIESIN: Shit. MATT: So Beau– yeah, everyone– Caduceus is now up in darkness in the mist. Two eagles just ran by. Or one eagle ran by. Another shadow went by right as the light–
TALIESIN: I don’t know if I would have taken my full 60 if I would have been in darkness, I will say. MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: If you want, you can move me 30 back and I have a light source now. MATT: Okay, there we go. We’ll put you there. TALIESIN: Split the difference. MATT: That’s fine. TRAVIS: Now that I’m down there, can I see the door behind Beau? MATT: You can, yeah. TRAVIS: Can I go: door? MARISHA: (stuttering)
TRAVIS: I’ll just send two Eldritch Blasts at it. MATT: All right, go ahead and roll attack for each. TRAVIS: Disadvantage or regular? MATT: Down here, it’s a door. I mean, I’ll say disadvantage, but we’ll see how well you do. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: 14 hits. TRAVIS: (groans) Bastard. 25. MATT: 25, okay, both hit. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: 13 points force damage for the first one and seven for the second, so 20 total. MATT: Okay (booms) the door, two tiny little bits of chip appear. It’s going to take a lot of Eldritch Blasts to try and blast through that. TRAVIS: There’s a door. That’s it. MATT: All right, ending Fjord’s turn, Jester, you’re up. LAURA: I’m going to look up and I don’t want to leave anybody behind. I’m afraid. Oh, but I can’t talk.
SAM: (caws) LAURA: I’m going to lift up–
TRAVIS: Oh, but I do, and I’m– LAURA: And I’m sorry. I’m going to lift up–
MATT: You get partway. You get about 20, 25 feet up and then left and right, you can see both Nott and Caduceus. Nott first and then Caduceus up the spiral. LAURA: Can I?
(Sam screams) MATT: An eagle comes forward to grab you. Nott, what do you do? SAM: I know it’s her. I’ll let her grab me, I guess. TALIESIN: I don’t know who this is, but I’m going to let it happen. It’s cool. MATT: All right. Both Nott and Caduceus are currently– TRAVIS: I don’t know what this is, but I’m going to let it happen. LIAM: It’s a good philosophy. Why not? LAURA: Then I’m going to use the rest of my movement to fly down with them. MATT: Okay.
LAURA: To the bottom. TALIESIN: I’m Mary Poppins, y’all.
LAURA: Yeah. (like Yondu) I’m Mary Poppins, y’all. MATT: It’s a very, very tight space, but you manage to loosely land and set them down before you have to tuck in. All right, that finishes your go, Jester. Yasha, Beau. MARISHA: I cough up a little blood (coughs). MATT: Your hands all– you know, the glove is fine. You actually have a glove that insulates the glove itself. The flesh where you had grabbed it, behind the glove, like the guy that picked up the graphite in Chernobyl. You feel the burn on the inside of the palm. You’re like (groans). TRAVIS: Before it falls away like an onion. MATT: (groans) TRAVIS: Dude, so crazy. MARISHA: I turn to the door and I try to open it. How do I– so there’s no handle, there’s no– MATT: You don’t see a handle anywhere. MARISHA: Can I do an investigation check to see if there’s any slots, any– MATT: Yeah, go for it. Make an investigation check for me. MARISHA: Keyholes, any– Okay. 20 total.
MATT: 22. As you–
MARISHA: 20 total. MATT: 20 total. As you move your hand across, that’s all good. Move your hand across, and looking, about midway down, you can see where there’s a bit of– the brass scrolling and design across it. There’s a part where it loops into an oval and you look and you see there’s a spot, like a little dark circle there, with a little empty slot. MARISHA: Exactly.
(vocalizing) MATT: You put it inside and it seems to turn on its own and then vanish inside the door. It gets pulled in.
TRAVIS: Did you lose it? MARISHA: I put it to good use. MATT: The door opens, the mist begins to escape a little bit into the next chamber. I’ll say that’s your bonus and action. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: Good job, Beau. ASHLEY: Nice job, Beau.
TALIESIN: Do we want to take a second and heal again? That was a lot. LAURA: There’s a monster in here with us. SAM: Well, the mist is dissipating. TALIESIN: I don’t think there is a monster anymore. TRAVIS: It starts to–
MATT: That finishes your turn. MARISHA: Yeah, I don’t have anything else. MATT: You have your movement. MARISHA: I’ll walk through the door. MATT: Okay. Beau, you walk through the door into a ten-foot chamber to another door that is open, or at least you see an archway that is open into another room. The stonework here is like a dark, dark brown and red, like the color shift is notable. MARISHA: It’s more fucking doors. TRAVIS: That’s all the description you give? MATT: You move from the hallway into the next room? MARISHA: I stay there. I’m going to wait for people to gather. MATT: You got it. All right, Yasha? ASHLEY: I’m going to make my way down. SAM: ♪ Making my way down ♪ ASHLEY: ♪ Making my way downtown ♪ MATT: You move up to the large eagle that is there on the woods, or on the steps, and you can try and move past it or– It’s up you to assume it’s a friend or not. It’s just a giant eagle in the middle of a– ASHLEY: Do you want to go down? LIAM: (cawing)
ASHLEY: Okay. I’m just going to keep walking down. MATT: Okay. That’ll get you about there. All right, finishes that go. LAURA: In my eagle form, I laugh. Ha ha ha. TALIESIN and LIAM: (bird noises) SAM: Oh, it’s back! LAURA: Oh no! ASHLEY: Wait, was I on the top of that? Oh, because we hadn’t gone– MATT: Yeah, you moved around there. It’s all good. So actually, you are technically up in the base of the–
(shouting) MATT: Sorry, buddy. –the base of the stairs there. TALIESIN: This is the mostyoudungeon I’ve seen in a long time. MATT: That’s going to go ahead and attack your giant eagle twice. That’s going to be, ooh, 24 to hit? LIAM: Yeah, that hits.
MATT: And 21 to hit? LIAM: Ja, hits.
SAM: Oh god. MATT: You suffer– that’s shitty– seven points of bludgeoning damage on the first hit. Make a concentration check. LIAM: Oh,ja, which I do at advantage– MATT: Advantage, because you are a War Caster. LIAM:Ja. I get big bonuses, though.
SAM: Big bonus. TRAVIS: Yeah, big bonuses! LIAM: 13. MATT: 13, yep, no problem. You manage to maintain that.
LIAM: What was the damage on that again, please? MATT and SAM: Seven. LIAM: Okay. MATT: The second attack. That’s better. 13 points of bludgeoning damage and another check with advantage. TALIESIN: Whittle us down. LIAM: That’s higher than the others. MATT: Yeah, so you’re fine. It’s going to then dissipate in the mist. TRAVIS: (yells) MATT: Every fucking time.
LIAM: Do I get an attack of opportunity? MATT: You do. TRAVIS: I’m starting to remember this. LAURA: (laughs)
LIAM: That’s a 15. MATT: 15 hits. LIAM: I rake my talons across it. MATT: Oh, that was a disadvantage on the attack, by the way. Because it’s invisible.
LIAM: Okay, so then, that was a 15 to hit.
MATT: Right. So that was 15 with disadvantage. LIAM: Yeah, 20. Sorry, I rolled a 15 and a ten, so it was a 20 or a 15.
MATT: Yeah, so you’re fine. Roll damage. LIAM: Five, five points.
MATT: Five points of damage. You got it. TALIESIN: This thing is not dying. MATT: All right. That finishes its go. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Well, I was feeling saucy a moment ago, but not so much anymore, so I’m going to float and try to find open space down below to land. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: Does their big ass flapping accelerate the mist out of the room? LAURA: Yeah, that’s true.
MATT: A little bit. There’s a lot of mist in this little chamber. It gives it the same space. It’s not like a huge push. As you rush past, it does get an attack of opportunity on you. LIAM: Okay. MATT: That’s going to be a 20 to hit. LIAM: Hits. MATT: You take 12 points of bludgeoning damage. LIAM: Okay, so I revert into a human in midair, so you tell me what happens. MATT: So as you rush past, the eagle (whooshing), you only fall about 20 feet onto the stairs. Go ahead and make an acrobatics check. LIAM: So just the hit took four off of Caleb. Make an acrobatics check?
MATT: Mm-hm. LIAM: 14. MATT: 14?
LIAM: Yeah– MATT: You take 11 points of bludgeoning damage, landing on the stairs on your back (crunches). SAM: Ow, ow. TRAVIS: Shit. Tailbone and everything. MATT: There you are.
LIAM: Okay. MATT: All right. That brings us–
LIAM: Do I still have an action? Because I didn’t do anything.
MATT: Yeah, you still have your action. LIAM: I will use, where’s the door? MATT: The door’s right there. You can barely even see past the spire. You don’t even know there’s a door there. You just fell on like (groans) LIAM: Then I will use my action for movement, so half of it’s just to get to standing and then feel my way down through it, so I bump into– Oh, hello, Fjord. MATT: You see the open door and you can see the shape of Beauregard beyond it, about ten feet beyond the door. LIAM: That’s it. MATT: That finishes your go, Caleb. Nott and Caduceus. TALIESIN: I’m going to head just inside the door and then hold my action to fire a bolt at that thing the second it shows up again. MATT: You stay inside the chamber? TALIESIN: Can I get five feet into the chamber and just behind the door and look up or–? MATT: You can get five feet in the chamber. You won’t have much of a view except for what’s just beyond the door. TALIESIN: I’m pretty messed up. I’m just going to, I’m just going to be five feet in and hold an action in case I can see it. MATT: Okay, so you turn back towards the door and just hold?
TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: Hold, what, Sacred Flame? TALIESIN: Sacred Flame. MATT: Okay, you got it. Nott, what are you doing? You’re still being held by the talon of Jester, but she’s landed and is releasing you, so. SAM: Oh, she’s releasing?
LAURA: You can let go. I can let go. SAM: I’m going to make my way downtown into the next chamber. MATT: All right, you move in. Do you move past Beauregard or up against her? SAM: Just up to where she is.
MATT: Okay. You’re about side to side with Beauregard. Easy enough, it takes 30 feet of movement to get around there. Where she is, now you walk up to the edge, the mist is dissipating and you see that this archway that leads into another chamber with dark brown, red stone. There’s no light in there, but you have darkvision. TALIESIN: I have a light on.
MATT: Oh, that’s right. You have a light in there as well. So looking inside, past that. The light, by the way, which you cast, still diminished. It’s like the radius of it and the strength of it is halved in wherever you are at the moment. LIAM: I have a question as well. The Driftglobe obviously gets, you know, pulled into Caleb when he turns into something. Does it come back out if it was out when he– MATT: It does. It’s back in your hand.
LIAM: The Driftglobe is lighting the cave–
MATT: And Driftglobe, its daylight still diminished by half. LIAM: Sure, sure, sure. MATT: It seems like all light sources are drastically reduced–
SAM: Does that effect darkvisioned creatures as well? Like can we see half as far? MATT: It does effect darkvision a bit, too. There’s a general gathering of shadows in this space, unlike other places you’ve been. SAM: Just another point of clarification for earlier. Do goblins have tails? MATT: Generally, no, but–
SAM: Okay, didn’t know. MATT: Unless you really wanted one. SAM: No, no, I just never thought about it before today. MATT: (laughs) SAM: I’ll spend my action to turn to Beau and say: Did you take my flask?
(laughter) Do you have my flask? MARISHA: I did not, but why do you have your hands on your butt? SAM: I’m searching everywhere. MARISHA: No, I didn’t. I’m sorry. SAM: All right.
MARISHA: I would tell you if I stole something.
SAM: That’s true, you would. MARISHA: I would brag about it.
SAM: Yes, you would. MARISHA: Yeah.
SAM: Yep. MATT: Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I’ll move through the– yep, through the doorway. MATT: 25 gets you right in front of Jester and Nott and you have a view of the chamber beyond. TRAVIS: With my half of my 60 darkvision, do I see anything? MATT: Yeah, you look inside and you can see this chamber. It opens a little octagonally, like beyond the door, the walls open a bit and then flatten out. You can see chains hanging from the wall on each side. Looks like there’s a little rack right beyond the entranceway. There’s something–
SAM: Big rack over here. MATT: There you go. There’s some sort of a central pillar in the center of the room. It’s about two feet, two-and-a-half feet tall. Looks almost like a bird bath is the best way I can describe it. Then on each side of the room, you can see these two slopes that disappear out of view, like two sides of the room, there’s pits that slope down and towards the walls. TRAVIS: I’ll wait where I am and I’ll turn around and I’ll hold an Eldritch Blast like Caduceus is doing back towards the doorway in case the thing shows up.
MATT: You got it. Jester. You’ve landed, you’ve released your– LAURA: What all is in the room still with us? I mean, it’s just Caleb in here with me. MATT: It’s Caleb, and Yasha, you haven’t seen come downstairs yet. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to look up. Do I see Yasha around anywhere? MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage. Although you have perception, I think it’s a giant eagle, advantage– LAURA: Yeah, that’s true.
MATT: So it’s just a single roll. LIAM: There’s no darkvision, but we’ve got light. SAM: Whoa, whoa. So many.
MATT: That was a journey. LAURA: Yeah, it was. What do I add to it, wisdom? No, I’m an eagle and I’ve got to use my eagle stats. What is it, my wisdom modifier? MATT: Your wisdom modifier or any perception bonus– LAURA: Perception modifier plus four, 17. SAM: Keen sight has advantage. LAURA: I know. I already did that. It’s fine. MATT: I’d say you can look up and you can just barely see the outline of Yasha running down the stairs. LAURA: (caws) I fly up and can I grab Yasha then? MATT: Sure.
ASHLEY: Yes, please. MATT: Go ahead and grab Yasha.
LAURA: I fly down and put her on the ground next to Caleb. MATT: Okay, easy enough. ASHLEY: Thanks, Jessie. I think it’s Jessie. I see blue feathers.
LAURA: Aw. MATT: Now you’re floating above. You set Yasha down. That’s your action, most of your movement. LAURA: Yeah, I guess I’ll land. I’m going to wait to drop this. I’m assuming I can’t get through the doorway as this giant– MATT: That door is way too small for a giant eagle. LAURA: Yeah, I’m going to wait until I make sure everybody’s safe. I’m going to try to block everybody from whatever that mist creature is. MATT: You’ve got it, all right. You make your space as big as possible. Wings out. That finishes your go. Top of the round, Yasha, Beau. Yasha, anything, Beau? ASHLEY: Did you say that there were markings on the door? MATT: The door is open and you can see– it looks like detailed scrolling. No real images or symbols. It’s like beautiful designs put in with silver or gold, brass-type materials. It matches the pillar that’s in the center. ASHLEY: Okay. MARISHA: It matches the pillar? ASHLEY: The pillar that’s– MATT: Yeah, the crystal is a part of. ASHLEY: Okay, I’m going to make my way inside with everybody else. MATT: You move in. It’s getting a little crowded. You can get right next to Caduceus on the inside or you can move past and join Fjord. ASHLEY: I’ll move past and join Fjord. MATT: All right, so you’re now at the front. You can see within the chamber exactly what it is that Fjord can see as he’s looking behind the Eldritch Blast held there. ASHLEY: Yeah.
MATT: You got it. MARISHA: It’s open?
LIAM: You said bird bath? Describe it one more time.
MATT: From you, there’s about ten more feet of hallway and then it opens up and, inside the chamber, you can see where it evens out. There’s the two sliding pits that descend into the floor and then just on the outside of your visual radius, within the chamber, you can see a little– like a platform, like a birdbath type platform that’s about two-and-a-half feet off the ground and has a top surface like a table it looks like– LIAM: A little dais or stone rise that this thing’s on? MATT: No, it–
LIAM: On the ground– MATT: It looks like it’s on the ground and then on each side of where it stands, it looks like part of the ground turns into a slope that goes beneath the ground. MARISHA: I move forward as well. MATT: Into the chamber or? MARISHA: I go in the chamber. I stealthily start making my way into the chamber. SAM and MARISHA: ♪ Making my way into the chamber ♪ MATT: So roll a stealth check. MARISHA: Natural 20.
MATT: Okay. You actually hear the night elf sound from World of Warcraft (whooshes) as you slowly make your way in. You enter the chamber, carefully looking around, you can see now within this area with your darkvision, immediately in your vicinity, a number of chains, manacles that are hanging from there. Open, you don’t see anything in them. The room itself, the floor has bits of broken bone, tattered, looks like paper in sections of the floor. You can see the racks that have some sort of implements or tools placed in them and one area to your immediate left and one across the way on the opposite wall, you see that central platform there. The top part of it, you can see, it looks pretty smooth with some grooved designs in the sides of it that spiral slightly around, on the top of it. It looks like a table about a foot-and-a-half across, but you see three concave, almost bowl openings set on the top of it. Just three of them in a triangular formation. The ground, you can see, about five feet each side of it just turns into a slope at a 45 degree angle where it’s not the entire floor, but about a 15-foot span on each side of it, just slopes down and then vanishes in darkness below. You can walk all the way up and look down if you want to try and inspect it. MARISHA: I will do that now and does it look like there’s blood? MATT: It’s hard without any light in here. You can get a little bit of light that’s bouncing from Caleb and you can’t make out color in this space. You can just make out shapes with your darkvision, but make a perception check as you glance down at the areas left and right. LIAM: Daylight would be reaching 30 feet if there’s no– MATT: It’s hitting the hall, so there’s a little bit of light coming through.
TRAVIS: Refractory. MARISHA: Perception?
MATT: Mm-hm. MARISHA: 13. MATT: 13. You glance off to the side and look down and from what you can see, the slopes are somewhat pockmarked, though they’re imperfect. It’s not totally smooth. There’s little, you know, sections that are either broken or there’s divots in them or little shelves. It’s hard to see. You can see through the light that’s coming through, dark streaks. It looks like some sort of substance that dried on a long time ago. MARISHA: Blood. MATT: Looking down, towards the– MARISHA: Yeah, maple.
MATT: — the one to the right that you’re closest to as you glance down, you can see some sort of a textured pile just beyond where the light can see. Your darkvision allows you to see bodies. MARISHA: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
MATT: Bodies and bodies and bodies and bodies, dozens. Dozens and dozens that vanish below, where the wall hits and stops. This dark space continues below it so whatever this chamber is, whatever’s holding these bodies seems to extend below and beyond the perimeter of the room. MARISHA: Okay. I just turn around. I don’t want to say anything. MATT: I’d say that’s your turn. You’ve done a lot this turn and inspecting and taking all of this information in. That brings us to this creature. It is going to come down on top of Jester and attempt to strike you twice. That’s going to be a natural 20. TALIESIN: Can I see it?
TRAVIS: I don’t think so. MATT: No, not at this height, you cannot. TALIESIN: Can I see Jester though, hold on. MATT: No, you have no idea this is happening. The creature is invisible anyway. It would have to be a creature you can see which you cannot. That would be a 20 to hit. LAURA: Yeah, it hits me both times. MATT: All right, so critical, that’s 16 plus three. 19 points of bludgeoning damage on the critical. LAURA: So that’s four to myself. I’m now Jester again.
MATT: Okay. Then Jester takes an additional 11 points of bludgeoning damage from it after you revert back to your normal form. LAURA: Oh, yeah, yeah. MATT: Then the creature is going to back up into the mist and try and vanish again. Make your attack, with disadvantage. LAURA: (groans) SAM: Come on! Come on! LAURA: Wait, is that eight plus eight, 16. MATT: 16 hits.
(cheering) MATT: Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Kill this fucker. LAURA: Oh, definitely, this is definitely going to kill it. Yeah, six points. MATT: Awesome. Is your weapon magical? LAURA: Oh, it is, well, no, it’s just a plus one handaxe. But– MATT: Plus one? That’s magical. LAURA: Oh, sweet, yes, it’s magical. And I get poison damage in addition to it now, right? SAM: The mist is going to have a tough time bleeding. MATT: It does not seem to have much of an effect. But it takes the damage (growls) and vanishes into the mist. TALIESIN: Damn.
MATT: All right. That brings us to Caleb’s go. LIAM: I’m still in the chamber. Now it’s Jester and I down here? MATT: Yep. LIAM: I’m going to take a chance and bat guano and sulfur and I’m going to throw a Fireball up about 50 feet and set it off above us. MATT: 50 feet?
LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Okay. All right. 50 feet, yeah, that’ll get it. (laughs) All right, so it’s going to make a dexterity saving throw, that is going to be 12, nope. LIAM: Okay, here we go. Two, three, four. SAM: Ah, Jesus.
LIAM: Five, eight, not that good. 16, 18, 20, 22 points of fire damage. MATT: 22 points of fire damage, all righty. You see the heat evaporates a bunch of the mist and, for a second, you see a pocket of open air and you hear this scream and a bit of the flames shift around a shape. This loosely humanoid, but extended, a ghostly whipping wind version of a humanoid shape and then, as the flames vanish, the mist slowly fills it back in and you have no idea where the creature went. LIAM: I’m going to then back just in the doorway, not even going that far, so that I could still pop one out if I needed to.
MATT: You’ve got it. That finishes your go.
LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Nott, Caduceus, anything you want to do this turn? You’re just waiting on Beau. You heading in with her? SAM: Did she go in? MATT: She went into the room, yeah. SAM: Wow.
TALIESIN: I’m holding just to get people through. MATT: You got it. TALIESIN: I’m waiting for people to come through and holding the door. MATT: You’re holding your action on the door, going to grab and try and close it. SAM: Shut the door? LIAM: Jester’s still in the chamber. SAM: We don’t have a key thing. I’ll look if there’s a handy dandy, you know, foot pedal to close the door with or something. MATT: Okay, make a perception check or investigation check for you. Either/or for this. SAM: 14. MATT: 14. You don’t see any pedals or anything. There are elements of the door that could be pulled, maybe, but you don’t see a pedal. TALIESIN: Is everybody out of the room already? MATT: Jester’s in there still. TALIESIN: Okay, I’m just waiting. LAURA: It’s okay, just close the door. Leave me in here. It’s no big deal, whatever. LIAM: That’s the plan, that’s the plan. MATT: You staying put or are you moving in with Beau? SAM: I’ll stay at the door and hold my action to fire if I see the mist thing. MATT: Fjord.
TRAVIS: What? MATT: You doing anything?
(laughter) All right, Jester, what are you– TRAVIS: I’ll move forward. I’ll move forward with Beau, up to Beau. MATT: You move in with Beau and you perceive the same space and scenery around you. TRAVIS: And that’s it.
MATT: All right. Jester. LAURA: I guess I will leave the room then. MATT: All right. Go ahead and enter the chamber. TALIESIN: Close the door.
(whooshes) MATT: The door closes. It closes and you hear (clicking). Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting on the opposite side. LIAM: The key spit out a one-way trip. SAM: We’re safe!
TRAVIS: That’s okay. We can get out of there. TALIESIN: I’ll also say that we can, probably, worse case scenario, teleport through. MATT: As you take a moment to breathe in a moment of apparent safety, we’re going to go to a break because that’s got to happen, too. All right, we got a giveaway here from our friends at Wyrmwood. Bolivian rosewood tabletop tray, leather interior. It’s really pretty. To any lucky winners there in the chat, while we’re at break, go ahead and enter the keyword tonight which is cage. C-A-G-E. Go ahead and toss that once, not more than once, in the chat or you’ll be disqualified. Once again, U.S. and Canada only, excluding Quebec. We’ll come back here shortly with– TRAVIS: Can we give a round of applause to the fucking map by Mr. Mercer? (applause)
LAURA: That was really cool. ASHLEY: So cool.
SAM: It’s also– it was his wedding cake. (laughter)
TALIESIN: I mean– MATT: Not that far off. We’ll be back here in a few minutes. We’ll see you guys shortly. (upbeat music) ♪ You’ve got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ ’cause you’re so disorganized. ♪ ♪ You click open the webpage ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you’re ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In that mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It’s D&D! ♪ ♪ D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond. Yeah, D&D! ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You’ve got your stats, you’ve got your sword ♪ ♪ And you’ve got your invisible wand. ♪ ♪ It’s D&D, D&D ♪ ♪ D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ TRAVIS (VO): Last time on Yee-Haw Game Ranch. SAM: Howdy, boys! BRIAN: What? A dragon? Who are you? SAM: Mortals have named me Drak’Ar Noir. TRAVIS: (laughs) No, nope.
BRIAN: I don’t think so. Wait, your name is Drak’Ar Noir? Like the cologne I wore in middle school? SAM: I have no idea what you’re talking about, mortal. I have flown from a realm far away through the shattered isles of the gameverse. On my travels, I’ve heard tales from many critters of a man they call the Chosen One. BRIAN: Wait, but you haven’t heard about me? SAM: I mean, yeah, I’ve heard about you. TRAVIS: (laughs) I like him! SAM: They say a tether ball’s pole’s got more meat on it than you. TRAVIS: (wheezes)
SAM: That you’re a malnourished, dried up volleyball-looking little fuck. TRAVIS: (laughs) SAM: And once again, keep in mind, this is not me. I am merely a messenger of the many bards across the lands. TRAVIS: Look at the little–
BRIAN: Okay, okay. Where are you from, anyway, Drak’Ar? SAM: I’m so glad you asked! I come from one of the most prestigious game realms: Yee-Haw Fantasy Ranch. TRAVIS: Ooh! BRIAN: What can we do for you? SAM: I came to present a song, to sing for the Chosen One.
TRAVIS: No. BRIAN: Oh!
SAM: A sort of battle hymn, if you will.
TRAVIS: No. (dramatic music) ♪ ‘Twixt shattered realms, here comes an outlaw ♪ ♪ To heal and order the realms of Yee-Haw ♪ ♪ With his mighty joystick, he quests near and far ♪ ♪ The plaid-clad hero who slay Bast’Alar ♪ ♪ Hi-ho, realmwalker, now onward you roam ♪ ♪ The Fantasy Ranch shall be your new home ♪ ♪ No need to bring Brian, for he’s really dumb ♪ ♪ Now sing our song, blessed Chosen One ♪ ♪ Bee bop a doo, bee bop a doo ♪ ♪ Die die diddle do ♪ ♪ Bee bop a do, bee bop a do ♪ ♪ Die die diddle dee ♪ BRIAN: What was the thing with the bombs on this one, dude? TRAVIS: When they land or what? Don’t fucking when you see me (burps). BRIAN: Dude, we’re on the internet right now. TRAVIS: Hey, I got one of them. BRIAN: Oh, I was looking at your guy. Oh, okay, well. TRAVIS: I went and grabbed it and it– MAX: That’s not what the bomb arrows look like. TRAVIS: Fucking Max with the bait and switch. We have yet to see a bomb arrow. BRIAN: We have yet to see your butthole. TRAVIS: Is this gray thing going to hurt me, Max? MAX: Nope.
TRAVIS: Okay. Why am I on acid now?
BRIAN: Whoa. TRAVIS: Why am I tripping ballsacks? BRIAN: No! TRAVIS: How’d that arrow make it through? Boom! (shouting) BRAIN: No, take the ticket. Take it! TRAVIS: (yelling) I don’t want to be inebriated! BRIAN: Come here with your pity shield. TRAVIS: Fuck you, go away. BRIAN: No, give me your pity shield. TRAVIS: I don’t want you following me anymore. Stop trying to–
(laughter) BRIAN: You just unloaded 50 missiles. Don’t take any of mine. TRAVIS: Nobody cares. BRAIN: Poor Jerry. I can’t believe you talk to him like that. Press this. You keep– dude.
TRAVIS: Thanks, dude! I’m ready. I’m sure it’s all about the chests that will fall and they give you this thing. Laser!
(offscreen laughing) BRIAN: Wait. Laser error– oh, it bounces back back at you, son. Be careful. (keyboard clicking) DANI: Hey, Christina, package. (dramatic music) (angelic choir) (whooshing)
(beeping) (coffee pouring) BRIAN: Hello, Christina. Tell me your backstory.
(dramatic music) (cup shattering) (footsteps)
(intense music) BRIAN: Have you always wanted to be a voice actor? (suspenseful strings) CHRISTINA: He’s here.
BRIAN: Who’s here? (high-pitched cut off scream)
(speakeasy music) BRIAN (VO): Last time on Talks Machina. SAM: Every character should really be a substance abuser. If you see the shit that an average Dungeons & Dragons character sees on a day-to-day basis– BRIAN: Yeah, you’d need to get–
SAM: Monsters. BRIAN: –fucked up at the end of–
SAM: Death. DANI: Demons.
SAM: Horrible demons. DANI: A chair in the middle of a room. SAM: Yes, that’s freaky shit. A chair?
DANI: What the fuck?! SAM: Just sitting there. BRIAN: A rug that tries to suffocate you. SAM: Yes, there is scary-ass shit in Dungeons & Dragons. BRIAN: A gelatinous cube.
DANI: Gelatinous cubes are fucking creepy. LIAM: Steve Martin gunslinger shooting a 14-year-old through the hand. That’s intense. DANI: Yes!
BRIAN: Wow. SAM: I don’t think–
DANI: Your soulisforfeit! SAM: If I, Sam Riegel, were a part of an adventuring party in a Dungeons & Dragons-style adventure, I wouldn’t last one game. I would be like, “Nope, I’m outta here!” It would be the shortest shit ever. The characters need a reason to stay there. Yes, it doesn’t have to be substance abuse. It could be something else, but for me, I rely on that a lot, all right? It’s a crutch.
BRIAN: I understand. LIAM: Everybody, again, take away your 2019 suburbia goggles and put yourself into hell. These people are in hell. They’re seeing people decapitated, melted in acid. SAM: It’s awful!
LIAM: Vored. It’s vored constantly. SAM: Why do people play this game? It’s satanic. BRIAN: Oh, maybe it all circles back around and maybe it really is. LIAM: It’s all about voring. BRIAN: Maybe it was Satan. Satan was the friend we made along the way. That’s the theme of D&D. Ultimately, it was Satan. Plus, with you sitting right next to her, when you’re not looking at the Twitch chat to try and figure out what to do next or fishing for compliments, you can look at her journal, because it’s pretty close to where you keep your iPad with it– SAM: Small correction, I’m half on her journal and half on the Reddit thread. BRIAN: Oh, wow. LIAM: You’re also on Zillow a lot. SAM: Well, you know, some three bedrooms always pop up right in the middle of our game. I want to be on top of them. BRIAN: Are you having foundation issues and you’re thinking about–
SAM: Don’t tell the buyer, but yes.
BRIAN: Okay. Our winner… (spring rattling) (laughter) MAX: Thanks for the award. BRIAN: We have no excuse. We have no, “Sorry, guys, “we’re super loopy from Denver, we just had–” I don’t know. Our winner– can I get to the goddamn– SAM: Yeah.
BRIAN: Our winner for this week was sent in by Courtney Armstead. DANI: It’s so good!
BRIAN: It is. @minomotu, photo by Ken @yenra. Let’s take a look.
LIAM: Yes! LIAM: I see Courtney every week. They do Vex and Vax. They do Jester and Caleb as goth twins.
SAM: Every week? What are you talking about?
LIAM: They post– I mean, I’m in the hashtag looking at art every week. SAM: Submit!
LIAM: Hey! (laughter) LIAM: Gimme this. These are what these are for, right? OFF-SCREEN: Franken-man. LIAM: Yep.
DANI: (laughs) LIAM: All right, bend over.
SAM: (laughs) BRIAN: Ew.
LIAM: What? BRIAN: Were you simulating– you said bend over? LIAM: You’ve never pummeled somebody with trophies before? BRIAN: But was that sort of like a heavy spanking or where you penetrating?
LIAM: No, I meant for him to duck so I could fight monsters, Brian. BRIAN: Oh, I see, I see, that’s cool. I’ve never heard Sam’s butt cheeks referred to as monsters. SAM: Oh my god. BRIAN: Max is throwing up in a bucket. SAM: Oh, I pulled a muscle.
BRIAN: You did? You did a Marisha?!
(laughter) BRIAN: Wait, because of my joke? SAM: Yes.
BRIAN: Oh! In that case, my friends, it’s been wonderful hosting this show. I am the fuck out of here. I’m leaving. (tense music) TALIESIN: Like a symphony playing to an empty theater, Critical Role dines alone without its audience. Yes, that validating and most enthusiastic congregation on the other side of the fourth wall. And what is this fourth wall separating the viewer from the creator? A portal to an often-sought point of connection or the Twitch Subscription Zone? On the rare occasion that you miss the live bacchanal boasted by the rag-tag group of thespians on Thursday night, you may always view this show on demand, in the shadowland known as the Twitch Subscription Zone. Picture, if you will, the necessary pieces to complete a jigsaw puzzle, but it’s up to you to choose how it will be solved. You could, of course, subscribe with your debt rectangle. But many more divergent paths lie before you. Perhaps you’ve found yourself in possession of an Amazon Prime account. You would then wake up to discover a free Twitch subscription each month for a channel of your choosing. But this artifact demands renewal, for you must re-subscribe each month to quench its unyielding thirst. One need not walk alone. Those who have already found their way can illuminate the path for others via the Gift a Sub button on Twitch. Critical Role is humbled by your subscription and wishes to thank you from behind the thin veil of this fourth wall. We hope you enjoy our content as much as we enjoy making it. And so ends another meandering digression, a complicated parody promo down an indistinct highway to the region we call the Twitch Subscription Zone. (eerie music) (hypnotizing voice) You will subscribe. Twitch Prime subscribe. Gift subscribe. (drawn out) Subscribe. (eerie music) (dramatic orchestra score) (dramatic music) MATT: Welcome back, everybody. So we have a winner for our giveaway. The winner, one of my favorite online handles in a while, siegeweasel.
TRAVIS: Oh, yeah! MATT: Congratulations, siegeweasel. We’ll get that to you ASAP. One of the best ones they’ve got. LIAM: (small creature voice) I’m coming in! MARISHA: Honey Heist 4: The Siege Weasel. MATT: So as you all filter into the hallway and the chamber beyond, the mist no longer makes its way into the room before you. You’re looking and see Fjord and Beauregard at the ready. Caduceus’ staff lights up the interior chamber a little better. The light is still halved, but you get to make out the colors and you can see now across the floor, there is spatterings of old, old, long-dried dark brown-red blood across the similar-colored stone. You can see that central little pedestal in the center of the chamber. You can see the chains hanging from the walls. You can see, across the way, there is another doorway. It’s not directly across. It’s to the left a little bit. But it is a sealed door. LAURA: Isildur. MATT: Isildur. LIAM: Get out. MATT: (like Elrond) Destroy it! TRAVIS: Got to give her credit for that. MARISHA: I appreciated it. MATT: (laughs) It was pretty good. TRAVIS: (like Elrond) Isildur! ASHLEY: Isildur. MATT: The air in here, whereas the previous chamber was cold and damp, this one is very warm and dry. Like, even just the short time you’ve been in here, you’re like, mouth’s a little dry. It’s that, arid, desert air but the middle of a–
TRAVIS: Any current that we can feel or is it just still? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Eight.
MATT: No current. It is still. While the smell in here has a hint of charcoal with a bit of bile and decay, but it’s not as strong as you would expect. TRAVIS: Given all the gore.
MATT: Given all the gore that’s down here, yeah. LIAM: I’m going to come in and walk up behind Fjord and Beauregard and set the Driftglobe just floating next to us and–
MATT: Okay. LIAM: –and examine this structure here and see if there’s any writing on it. Is it arcane in nature? MATT: Okay, you look at it. Make an investigation check. LIAM: 23. MATT: 23?
LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Just glancing over and looking at the sides of it and looking around the central pedestal, the grooves spiral up the side, like from the ground. There’s these small, little thinly-chiseled grooves that all slowly make their way up, but there’s no symbols, there’s nothing that catches your attention as runic. MARISHA: Think this runs up or down? If I had to guess, up, based on the weeping angel situation. TALIESIN: I’m already starting– I’m going to start a Prayer of Healing while this is all going on.
TRAVIS: Can you detect if those baddies are cataloged as deceased? TALIESIN: Yeah–
LAURA: I can look, too. TALIESIN: You have a thing to do that? LAURA: Oh, no. But I can look at them.
TALIESIN: Oh, well, before I go, then, I’m just going to do a really quick, a really quick detect undead. MATT: Okay, and what’s the radius? TALIESIN: I love you. My radius is– MATT: Is it 60 feet? TALIESIN: I think it’s– yeah, it’s 60 feet. MATT: 60 feet, okay. You step up to the edge and you concentrate. One, two, three, four, five, 10, 20, 50. Dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of undead just still that entire pile to each side. Now that you can see, you don’t know how deep it is, but from the little bit of sense you have at the slope going down, the slope continues. TALIESIN: That’s all undead.
(groans) SAM: They’re are undead?
MATT: It’s faint. It’s very faint, but each one of those has a slight undead signature. TALIESIN: They’re, they’re all– TRAVIS: Dozens and dozens, right? TALIESIN: More than dozens and dozens. MARISHA: What if this is a distillery? TRAVIS: Huh?
MARISHA: Or like a farm. LAURA: Like they grow dead people here? Like, what do you mean?
MARISHA: Like they grow ’em, slowly siphoning what’s down there. TALIESIN: Is there any meat matter around? MATT: Make an investigation check. TALIESIN: Never going to let me ever do a perception check. MATT: I’ll allow you to do perception for this, if you want. TALIESIN: Thank god, because I rolled a two, which means it’s an 11.
MATT: 11. Looking around, there’s little strips of torn paper scattered around the floor. Look at it closer and it’s not paper. It’s bits of skin that was torn and has become a very frail leather. TALIESIN: I’m going to try and turn it. Does it feel like it’s taking my spell to start a Decompose? MATT: It does. It’s resistant, meaning there’s an element, in here, there’s an inherent lack of moisture compared to the previous chamber you were in. TRAVIS: What about the ceiling of this place? MATT: It’s a very, very faint dome, like not a huge dome, but a gradual a concave top to it. TRAVIS: Ballpark it, like 80, 60? MATT: It’s about 25, 30 feet up. So not terribly high and not a huge… SAM: Also, it’s made of severed tongues. MATT: Yeah, it’s just–
TRAVIS: What about that rack that was to the right of the entrance when we came in? SAM: The rack? MATT: It’d be at the left side of when you enter, yeah. TALIESIN: All right, now I’m going to go. MATT: Okay, you go ahead and look at it and it’s set up and there are all sorts of torture implements, spikes, hooks, tongs, jagged blades, and small spikes. It is a smorgasbord of very creative tools and implements for all manner of twisting, cutting, tearing, dragging, hooking, piercing soft flesh. LAURA: (sounds of disgust) TRAVIS: Our hand size or larger? Like tools that we would be able to wield? MATT: They seem to vary. MARISHA: That’s a good question.
TRAVIS: Hey, Jester? LAURA: Hm.
TRAVIS: I don’t know if you want to waste it, but you’re not interested in locating that individual we’re chasing, do you? LAURA: I mean. TRAVIS: You don’t have to. TALIESIN: Just going to do this real quick. ASHLEY: You said there’s a door across the way? MATT: Correct, across and to the left. TRAVIS: A door?
TALIESIN: Oh, yay. Everyone but Nott– sorry, I can only do so many– gets, making sure I did this right, 18, 24 points of healing. TRAVIS: That’s huge right now.
MARISHA: Huge. ASHLEY: Caleb, you looked at the–
TRAVIS: The pedestal? ASHLEY: The altar thing? Pedestal? LIAM: There was nothing arcane in nature to it, but does it look like the bowl at the top of this bird feeder feeds into this spiral down, like there’s entryway for fluid from the bowl to go into the grooves? MATT: You look. It’s possible. The grooves move up, but they’re not angled for something to necessarily drip down into it for any sort of fluid, but they do seem, for the spirals here, as they make their way to the top, they tend to converge and then one goes to each of these little bowls and each bowl’s about that big. It’s about a double handful. TRAVIS: Is it a flat platform? MATT: It’s a flat platform except for those three little holes. LIAM: Okay, are the bowls on top or are they bowls cut into the– MATT: No, they’re cut in to the actual surface, yeah. LAURA: I can try it. It would use up one of my spells, but– TRAVIS: Well, yeah, maybe not just yet. Just took a look around, plus there’s a door. LIAM: Yeah, is the door sealed? LAURA: Yes, a sealed door, yes. TRAVIS: At the base of the platform, where the– MATT: You don’t see a top or bottom or any element to it. TRAVIS: Where the floor meets the upstart of the platform where the spirals are, does it look like there’s any room for it to move or rotate or does it look fixed and steady? MATT: Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: 15. MATT: 15, okay. You go ahead and glance around the side. It looks– there isn’t any sort of a line that indicates an area where it would be able to move, slide, or shift its current position. Just from glancing and doing a little pass around. MARISHA: Does it look like there’s any mechanisms around? Anything? MATT: Make a perception check.
LAURA: Yeah, there’s a bowl in the middle of the room. TALIESIN: I’ll join you in that perception check. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Not investigation? MATT: Not if you’re looking around. Are you going to do a slow pass of feeling for openings? Is that what you want to try for? TRAVIS: Or are you just doing the pedestal? MARISHA: No, I’m looking for levers– MATT: On the pedestal.
MARISHA: Buttons around the pedestal. MATT: Okay, so you and Fjord are both doing that. MATT: All right, I’ll say make an investigation check. LAURA: I’m keeping an eye on the dead people. TALIESIN: Oh! A Natural 20 for a 29. MATT: That’s pretty slick. Okay. The chains are affixed to the wall. TALIESIN: In grooves, I know, are obviously feeding. MATT: To some degree. TRAVIS: Chains are ceiling to the wall? MATT: No, they’re affixed to the wall and dangling loosely and there are some loops that are hanging from it and there are open manacles at the end of them. You are–
MARISHA: 25. MATT: 25, so you look along the pillar and feel for any sort of switches or anything. You don’t notice anything that is pullable or pressable or anything. As you stand up and look over the top of it and put your hands on the front top of the table, it shifts down, ever-so-slightly, like an inch. You pull back. You are appearing around, looking. You see something shift in the pile below. You see a hand flop over. You see, pushing from underneath– TALIESIN: We’ve got a problem.
MATT: (undead moaning) MATT: I’ll be right back.
TALIESIN: I immediately– (shouting) TRAVIS: No, don’t leave!
SAM: Oh, no. ASHLEY: No, stay! SAM: This battle camera! Again. MARISHA: Oh!
LAURA: Whoo. MARISHA: Deflect missiles! (shouting and clapping)
ASHLEY: That’s good. SAM: That move was brought to you by Dwarven Forge. Check out their PDF, Dungeon–
MATT: A portion of the floor suddenly open up.
SAM: On Dwarven Forge. Why is it such a cool color? Did you paint that?
TRAVIS: Look at the fucking grappling hooks.
MATT: I used these last campaign. LAURA: Ew.
SAM: You did? LAURA: Yes.
SAM: Are they dripping with blood? TRAVIS: They’re dripping with goo. ASHLEY: We came in that door over there? MATT: You came in through this door. SAM: They’re dripping with boysenberry jelly. MATT: You guys can place yourselves where you like based on where you were. TRAVIS: Are those bars that have been ripped open? MATT: Well, at the point of that thing shifting and the movement happening, you now, on the floor, there’s a section where it– iron area (whooshes) opens up a bit and bends and you can see things starting to crawl their way out as well. LAURA: Mm-hm.
SAM: Can we get out of here? LIAM: These are new, right? These are where we are originally seeing bodies down? MATT: No, these were closed. These are the slopes going down. LIAM: These are what we saw and these just opened up? MATT: Where you see it gets dark around the edges. Because I couldn’t find slopes. Starts behind there and gradually heads down underneath this slot. LIAM: Okay.
ASHLEY: I’m going to get in-between Fjord and Caduceus, actually, on the other side, yeah. MATT: You got it. SAM: We entered from the doorway closest to you? MATT: Entered from this door.
SAM: Okay. MATT: Which has slammed shut. TRAVIS: Oh, good. LIAM: You said these opened up? MATT: Correct. LAURA: Jesus. (frustrated noise) Look at these chains on the wall. It looks so cool, Matt. TRAVIS: It really is. ASHLEY: This is very cool. LAURA: No! MATT: Then you arrive here. Oh, all right. SAM: Oh, so many. Oh so many.
MATT: All right. So for initiative here, we’ll say… Everyone roll initiative.
LIAM: Holy crud. MATT: As now these corpses are starting to drag their way out of the pile, not all of them at once. Ones are starting to start shifting and moving. TRAVIS: This is the worst night of initiative. MATT: 25 to 20. ASHLEY: Natural 20.
SAM: Holy shit! LAURA: 22.
SAM: Ashley’s initiative. ASHLEY: I mean.
SAM: On fire. MATT: 22.
LAURA: 22. MARISHA: Making up for five years. MATT: What was your total? ASHLEY: 22.
MATT: 22 for both of you. ASHLEY: Yeah.
LAURA: Nice. MATT: All righty. 20 to 15?
MARISHA: 18. TALIESIN: 15.
MATT: 15, all right. All right, 15 to ten. LIAM: 12.
MATT: 12. Ten to five. SAM: Natural one for a six.
MATT: (laughs) TALIESIN: Get it out of the way now. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. TALIESIN: Good, we’ve got clerics at the top. TRAVIS: Damn, that is–
LIAM: God. TRAVIS: Second for the bottom of two bottoms. MATT: Yasha, you’re up first. You watch as the sections in the ground that opened up. Suddenly these dry– their skin wrinkled and torn, like they had been– all moisture in the body had been siphoned out of it, so there’s cracking and tearing sounds. The bones scrape and pull against the outer shell. You can see, as one of them reaches up, the skin actually tears past the fingers and the bones reach out of them, like they’re breaking out of some sort of a paper bag. It’s a disturbing type of zombie sight, but you see there are five of them right now that are emerging out of the nearby body clusters. ASHLEY: Oh, hey.
SAM: Body clusters? TRAVIS: I’m tired of this audition. We passed the test, right? (nervous fake laugh) MATT: What are you doing, Yasha, Jester? You guys are up. ASHLEY: Do you want to go?
SAM: Go smash some heads. LAURA: Sure.
ASHLEY: Or do you need a second? LAURA: No, I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to step forward just a little bit. MATT: All righty, this way?
LAURA: Yeah. I’m going to search on my belt and I’m going to hold up the symbol of the Traveler and I’m going to go: I hope you are here with us right now, please protect us! And I’m going to cast Turn Undead. MATT: Turn Undead.
ASHLEY: Holy fuck. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: ♪ Get it cleric, get it get it cleric. ♪ ♪ Get it cleric, get it get it cleric. ♪ LAURA: Anything has to make a wisdom saving throw. Any undead I see or hear within 30 feet of me. MATT: Correct.
ASHLEY: Ooh, I’m so glad you went first. SAM: And what do we undead have to roll? MATT: These, technically, are a challenge rating of one-fourth. TALIESIN: Challenge level one?
MATT: They’re under that. LAURA: Oh! MATT: So it becomes Destroy Undead. TRAVIS: Oh, shit!
MARISHA: Again! MATT: Your DC for your spell is? LAURA: 17. MATT: That’s wisdom, right? LAURA: Yes.
TRAVIS: Come on. Come on now. (whooshes)
(cheering) TRAVIS: Come on.
MARISHA: Fuck that shit up. (cheering) TRAVIS: Come on.
SAM: No whammies, no whammies, no whammies, no whammies!
(whooshing) (shouting) (die rolling) MARISHA: No! I’m greedy! I need it all. MATT: Fine. (groaning) MARISHA: That was awesome! MATT: All righty. Let me check one thing real fast here, while we’re on the topic. Yep, all right, cool. Those three just scatter into ash (whooshes) across the way. That’s your turn. That was your action, at least. You have a little bit of movement still if you want to go. LAURA: I’m going to– oh, gosh. Yeah, I’m going to keep walking through and I’m going to come and sit here if I can make it. MATT: Out of 30.
LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Moving right there. LAURA: That’s where I’m going to stand. MATT: All right, you got it. Yasha.
ASHLEY: I, so– I’m going to make my way over to that one over there MATT: Okay.
MARISHA: ♪ Making my way– ♪ TRAVIS: Stop it!
SAM: (vocalizing) ASHLEY: ♪ Making my way to it, pulling my sword ♪ MATT: Which one?
ASHLEY: Say again? MATT: Which weapon?
ASHLEY: Magician’s Judge. MATT: Magician’s Judge, out. TALIESIN: Oh, no we did not. ASHLEY: I’m going to go for an attack. MATT: Go for it, first strike. Are you raging, at first? ASHLEY: Uh-huh.
MATT: All right. Got to remember to–
ASHLEY: Sorry, I’m sorry– MATT: It’s all good. ASHLEY: Reckless.
MATT: Go for it. With advantage.
ASHLEY: Might as well. Okay, let me mark this. MATT: Do you have a question, Caleb? LIAM: How deep do those things go? MATT: From what you can see, they go past the edge, in darkness, and that’s about ten feet, down at the edge, and it continues below, but you don’t know how deep it goes because the body just becomes– TALIESIN: It lit up to 60 feet when I did it, though. MATT: Correct.
TALIESIN: Yeah, so. LAURA: Were they all undead on the slopes down? MATT: They all had a very, very faint bit of– LAURA: Would they have gone (explosions) all the way down the slopes, then, if I? MATT: What’s the range on that, the radius? LAURA: 30 feet. MATT: 30 feet.
LIAM: Popcorn. (popping) MATT: You get a few on that side. Here, I’ll post– that’s a good point. Okay, three over there, just disintegrate. On that side, (laughs) seven more go (booming) (shouting) MATT: Scattered out on those ends. ASHLEY: That is so cool!
TRAVIS: Destroyed. ASHLEY: Yes! MATT: As they’re scattered to dust on those sides, Caduceus, you watch this happen and you glance down. Where one of them scatters to dust, you see this faint, glowing bit of matter, just (slurps) onto the ground amongst the pile and vanish into the undead pile below. TRAVIS: Eat that shit. MATT: You saw it real fast out of the corner of your eye. Just the little thing, as the ash scattered away, something was left behind in the space of it and fell.
LAURA: A piece of gold. It was an enchanted something! It’s a magical item. We need to get it. MATT: All right.
ASHLEY: 23 to hit. MATT: 23 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LIAM: Give me a reason not to loot everything I see. TRAVIS: Do not do that. Kill us all.
LIAM: I know, but– ASHLEY: 18 points of damage– MATT: 18 points of damage. You slash through! Carving through its body, you see the muscles tear open and it’s like dried tendons and the muscles are gray and retract on the inside with the strains it (squeaks) squeaking sound and it’s still standing there in front of you. ASHLEY: I’ll hit it again.
MATT: All right. With advantage because you’re reckless. ASHLEY: Come on, this thing rolls bad. Okay, good, roll it again. Oh, wow, okay. Eight. MATT: Eight hits.
ASHLEY: It does? MATT: Yes. ASHLEY: Okay.
TALIESIN: They’re slow. MATT: Low armor class.
MARISHA: How’d you roll so crappy? ASHLEY: know, I rolled a one and a two. MARISHA: (sympathetic noises) ASHLEY: Okay, seven. I know, that die. It rolls cocked so much. Okay, seven… MARISHA: Oh, I can’t–
ASHLEY: 12 points of damage. MATT: 12 points of damage. Okay, you slash through and down its chest and it (groans). It’s a death blow. (moaning) It stays back, standing again. TRAVIS: Uh oh, uh oh.
ASHLEY: Okay, okay. MATT: It’s fucked up, but that should have killed it, but fuck, this thing is still standing. That finishes your turn, Yasha. Jester’s done. Beau, you’re up. SAM: Beau.
MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: (silly voice) Beauregard, Beauregard. MARISHA: There’s one over here, in the pit? MATT: There is one in the pit here, yes. MARISHA: Then one just ran off of Yasha. LIAM: Ermahgerd, Beauregard. LAURA: (laughs)
MARISHA: Can I do some dope monk shit and jump over the pit and get behind the other guy? MATT: You can jump over here. He’s 10 feet below, so he’s not within range if you’re there, though. MARISHA: Oh.
LIAM: Well, that changes things. MATT: Yeah, he’s below.
MARISHA: That does change things. MATT: You would know that, so if you don’t want to do that. MARISHA: I’ll go fuck up the one that’s on Yasha. MATT: All right.
ASHLEY: Hell yeah. MATT: You rush around, staff at the ready. Make your attacks.
MARISHA: A pop pop. Okay, well, one is a two. Oh, well, that’s 12, though. MATT: That hits.
MARISHA: 12 hits. Then the second one is 18.
MATT: That hits. MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. Fuck. Okay, first one is 13 points of damage. MATT: All righty. MARISHA: Second one–
MATT: It (impact sound) stays standing.
MARISHA: Ah! MATT: Next attack.
MARISHA: Nine points of damage. TRAVIS: Did you just throat punch him? MARISHA: Yeah, I take my staff and I just go guh through his throat. MATT: It like (gurgles). It’s still standing.
MARISHA: Ah! MATT: Each of these blows should be killing it, but it’s not going down. MARISHA: I shake it and– Get it off! Get it off!
ASHLEY: (laughs) It’s stuck.
MARISHA: (yells) MATT: I’m going to try and kick it off. TRAVIS: It’s going (groans).
MARISHA: No! LIAM: Less method acting, less method acting, please! TALIESIN: I’m going to try and position myself between the altar and the door. MATT: Over here?
TALIESIN: Yeah, right in the middle, between the altar and the door. MATT: Okay, right there?
TALIESIN: No, a little, two towards me, like there. Wait, that door down there is open, isn’t it? LAURA: Uh-huh. TALIESIN: Okay. I’m going to take one step away from him. I’m going to be right in front of– yeah, right there. Ah, fuck it, and them I’m going to use a Sacred Flame to hit the one that the two of them are fighting. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: To see if some radiant damage does that. MATT: You got it, all right. Is that a dex save? TALIESIN: Yep. MATT: That is a seven.
TALIESIN: Nope. MATT: So go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: That’s a– for fun, that’s 12 points radiant damage. MATT: You got it. As it’s on the edge of Beau’s staff, jammed through the middle of the throat, it’s like (groans) reaching for her and then (whooshes) it burns, incinerates, and falls to the ground, crumbling. There’s a pile of burnt bones. TALIESIN: I’m going to use my bonus action to say: You know, I think radiant damage is going to be the thing, so if you’re not blessed with some sort of god, maybe you could figure out how to get us out of here. MATT: You watch as it disintegrates, too, because it’s still standing over the hole. Its body crumples into ash and this faint, little glowing thing in its chest falls into the hole below it. MARISHA: The fuck is that?
LAURA: Grab it! MARISHA: Can I?
SAM: It’s controlling them all. MATT: I’d say–
MARISHA: I haven’t used my bonus action or my reaction. MATT: But you’ve got to hold an action to be ready for something like that.
MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Sorry. LAURA: Is it like missile-snaring, though? MARISHA: I was trying to, you know, but. MATT: Give me a– give me a dexterity check with disadvantage. MARISHA: Come on, okay, okay. TALIESIN: Either way, it was worth asking. MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil! A natural 20!
SAM: With disadvantage. MARISHA: Oh. TRAVIS: Was this the other one?
MARISHA: Yeah, it was. Man, I had– I celebrated too soon. (laughter)
MATT: But you rolled one! That’s it.
MARISHA: 17, 17! MATT: 17. You reach out and catch it. You look for a second. It’s the heart of the creature. It squishes in your hand, but it also cracks a little bit. It’s super dry, but it has this faint warmth to it and it’s just sitting there in your hand with this very, very, very pale glow. MARISHA: Okay. ASHLEY: Put it in the bowl. MARISHA: Can I put it in the bowl? MATT: I mean, it’s not your turn. MARISHA: It’s not my turn. MATT: Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Did I see any of that? MATT: I don’t know, did you see any of that? (laughs) LIAM: I was not looking for that at all. I was paying attention to the holes. I’m going to do what Caleb would do. Caleb sort of gets and looks over the edge. What exactly does he see? Like how far down does it go? Yeah, how far down that slope? MARISHA: The River Styx.
LIAM: How far down do I see? MATT: From how you look down, you can see down about ten feet or so where the edge of where the bodies begin and beyond that, from what little bit of light is here, you can see about 20 feet below and it’s just bodies and bodies and bodies and bodies. LIAM: The bodies that are ten feet away are what? Corpses coming up?
MATT: Yeah. They’re climbing. You see the pockmarks and the little elements in the outside. They’re climbing them and coming out of the hole and joining you guys up on the platform. LIAM: Oh, fire in the hole! (claps)
TALIESIN: All right. LIAM: That’s what he would do. So I am throwing a ball of fire down about 40 feet.
MATT: Okay. LIAM: Yeah. MATT: (deep explosion) You guys feel the ground shake a bit from the impact. Roll some damage. LIAM: Yeah.
LAURA: Oh god. We’re setting free whatever is buried here and supposed to be entombed forever. We’re fucking that up. TRAVIS: Is there a door right here?
SAM: Yeah. ASHLEY: Yep.
TRAVIS: Nobody’s checking that door? LIAM: 29.
MATT: 29. LAURA: I though that’s what the investigation was at the beginning. I thought it was sealed. It’s a sealed door. Nobody’s actually checked it? MATT: You didn’t see any opening or space or–? LIAM: We didn’t check it. We didn’t check it to see if there was a hidden latch, traps? MARISHA: Well, we’re in the middle of– LIAM: No, I know.
MARISHA: –looking at a pedestal. LIAM: Now there’s corpses coming out of holes. TALIESIN: We’re fine. We’re fine. Just as long as someone actually does something, we’re fine. We’re clerics. MATT: (booming) Bodies and limbs and chunks of dried zombie parts go flying out of the hole and scattering across the room, hitting the far wall on the opposite side. Flung on the inside and you can see a whole section of it’s exploded and then falls in to create this little pit in there. TRAVIS: With a dismembered bitch slap as it comes out, like (splats).
(laughter) MATT: Yeah, Fjord, make a dexterity saving throw. TRAVIS: No!
MARISHA: Aw, yeah! MATT: Make a dexterity saving throw. TRAVIS: Damn it!
(laughter) TRAVIS: A four.
MATT: (slapping sound) (laughter) MATT: It (slurps) off the face. TRAVIS: It’s hooked on the tusk. MATT: The finger moves, the fingers try to climb their way– TRAVIS: Ah, no! MATT: (laughs)
TALIESIN: No, you don’t know where that’s been, come on. LAURA: That’s creepier than the spiders. MATT: Thanks for that, Travis. TRAVIS: Shit.
MATT: Yeah, so (whooshes) the explosion, the hole steeps in a bit. LIAM: Okay.
MATT: Yep. LIAM: I will dance back to the center of the room, by the pedestal near Fjord. MATT: There?
LIAM: Yeah, right there. MATT: All right, you got it. That finishes your go there. Now.
SAM: Oh, boy. MATT: This guy’s gone.
SAM: Now. MATT: Now.
SAM: Get to the choppah. MATT: That was cocked. SAM: Now! Oh, there’s another.
LAURA: Oh, no, there’s more. TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. We’ve got to solve this. LAURA: Bloop, bloop.
ASHLEY: Okay. ASHLEY: They’re slow. We can keep them at bay. We’ll just figure out how to– LIAM: Where did those two come from? MATT: From climbing underneath the pile of those that weren’t blown away from– LAURA: Endless amounts. There’s endless amounts, dude. LIAM: Are they blackened? Are they grilled? TALIESIN: I mean, they’re leather. TRAVIS: Oh, Jesus. LAURA: That one’s creepy. I don’t like that one. That one looks like he will– oh god, they are. MATT: They’re all just like– LAURA: Ew, that one’s creepy too. MATT: That’s going to be two attacks on you, Caleb. That’s going to be a 12 to hit. LIAM: Does not hit. MATT: And a 24 to hit.
LIAM: Does hit. MATT: Oh, sorry, not 24, 21.
LIAM: Does hit. MATT: All righty. You take four points of bludgeoning damage as it slams you from behind and is trying to grab your shoulder. We have two attacking Fjord. I rolled really well. 18, 21.
TRAVIS: Both hit. MATT: All righty. You suffer 12 points of bludgeoning damage as both of them– one grabs your shoulder and the other one grabs your head and they both slam into you and try and bite and grasp at your body. They’re both holding on and you’re having to push them off. Then we have one attacking you, Yasha, with advantage because you did your strikes. That, actually, brings it to an 18 to hit. ASHLEY: Mm-hmm.
MATT: You suffer five points of bludgeoning damage reduced to two because you’re raging. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Then we have one against Jester. That’s going to be 16 to hit. (booms) because you have the shield. One against Nott. That’s a 12 to hit.
SAM: No! MATT: You dodge out of the way.
SAM: Duck. MATT: Then we have one over here that’s going to attack Beau. It just climbed its way out. That’s a six (laughs). All right, that finishes their turn. That brings us to Nott. SAM: Those torture implements, were they very shiny and new or were they old and rusty? MATT: Very old. You didn’t see too much rust on them, per se, but they’re–
SAM: They’re old. MATT: They’re old.
SAM: Okay. I will ignore them. I guess I could walk through these guys and just take attacks of opportunity or, how far away is the door? I will cast Mage Hand and try to open the door from whence I stand.
MATT: All righty, the Hand drifts over to the door there. Goes for– and you can see a central handle. There isn’t a knob or a thing. There’s just a little handle thing and the hand tries to pull, push, nothing. SAM: That’s my action, right?
LIAM: It’s weak, though. SAM: Okay, that didn’t work, so I’ll walk on over there and take my attacks-o’-opportunity. MATT: All right, so you move over to that space. There’s two of them swinging at you. (groans) All of them make this horrible like (gasps) sucking sound as they’re trying to make noise and gurgle, but there’s just very thin, reedy, moistureless vocal chords and flesh trying to make this gravel– LAURA: These are old bodies. Really, really old bodies. MATT: A nine and a natural one. You’re too fast, dodging through them as you rush over there. SAM: I guess I still have a bonus action or something. MATT: I believe so. SAM: I can’t try to open– can I try to open the door with my physical hand now or can I look for traps or what can I do? LIAM: Dash, disengage, hide.
MATT: Yeah, dash, disengage, and hide, so no, you do not. SAM: Can’t you do a bonus action use item or anything? MATT: It’s an action to Use Object. SAM: Inspect? No. MATT: If you’re going to look real hard for something, it’s an action. SAM: Okay. Then I will just sit and think about things. MATT: All righty, Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I am going to cast Hex on this zombie. MATT: All right.
TRAVIS: Undead person. MATT: Right here?
TRAVIS: Uh-huh. MATT: A regular Hex or your…?
TRAVIS: Regular Hex. Actually, you make a good point. MATT: It’s up to you.
TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s, mm. Regular Hex.
MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: I will use my bonus action to use Relentless Hex and teleport within five feet of–
MATT: Well, is it in bonus action? Is Hex a bonus action to cast? TALIESIN: I think it is.
TRAVIS: Is it? MATT: Is it? Double check it. TALIESIN: Percy thinks so.
TRAVIS: It is a bonus action. You’re right. Balls ass! Hexblade’s Curse is also a bonus action. MATT: You did curse the one over there. TRAVIS: Mm-hm.
(laughter) MATT: If you want to move it knowing that, you can. TRAVIS: (mutters) …points of damage– MATT: Yasha, Jester, you’re on deck. TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s– fuck. Anus. SAM: Did you just anus?
LAURA: Anus! TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: Crossbow.
LAURA: Anus! TRAVIS: Let’s not– I’ll move the Hex onto this one right here. TALIESIN: Caduceus.
MARISHA: Caduceus. TALIESIN: Whoa, that’s weird. TRAVIS: Yeah, and I’ll take a swing with the falchion at the Hexed one.
MATT: Go for it. Bonus action, (whooshes), first attack. TRAVIS: Man, it’s been a hot second since I Hexed anybody. MATT: Takes an addition d6 necrotic damage when you hit it. TRAVIS: Okay, that’s right, just a d6. MATT: Yep.
TRAVIS: Okay. LIAM: Talking about that dang cunnilingus. (snickering) TRAVIS: 29.
MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll some damage. TALIESIN: That’s the dumbest thing. LIAM: Just a novelty ten minute sketch a round. TRAVIS: Nine and four, so that’s 13 points of slashing damage. MATT: A blade carves through a part of it. One of its arms falls onto the ground and it’s still standing. It looks hurt, but it’s (groans). TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll try to take another try. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: 18 to hit.
MATT: 18 hits. TRAVIS: Seven, six. 13 points of slashing damage. MATT: Slashing damage. (wet groaning) You carve into its chest. It breaks open, the ribcage is exposed, and it falls to the ground and (groans) gets back up. TRAVIS: Fuck, yeah, okay, cool. MATT: 18 on that one. All right, that’s your turn.
TRAVIS: That’s it. MATT: Jester, Yasha, what you guys doing? LAURA: I’m going to–
SAM: Get us out of the room! LAURA: Move closer to everyone. SAM: To the door? LAURA: I’m the only thing that can take these things out, me and Caduceus. MATT: Closer to the door, you mean? LAURA: No, closer to the group of people. Yeah, like right there. MATT: There, all right.
LAURA: I’m going to cast Spiritual Guardians.
SAM: Spiritual! TALIESIN: Oh, well, that’s a way to go. MATT: That’s a radius of?
LAURA: 15 feet around me. MATT: Around you at all times, right? LAURA: Yes, on anything that isn’t us. MATT: You got it. LAURA: The unicorns are out and they are angry! TRAVIS: Yeah! MARISHA: I’ve missed the unicorns! TRAVIS: (Jester’s accent) Hupperdook! MARISHA: Yes! ASHLEY: (Jester’s accent) Hupperdook! MATT: All right, Spiritual Guardians. Let me get that ready. LAURA: When they move into or start their turn. MATT: You got it. All right, that finishes your turn. TALIESIN: Doesn’t when you cast it, it has– LAURA: No, we’ve talked about this before. It’s only on the beginning of their turn. ASHLEY: All right. I might not be able to do this, but is there one that’s close enough that looks really ripped up and torn up and a mess? MATT: There’s the one five feet from you that is what Fjord’s been tearing into. ASHLEY: Tell me if this is possible or not. MATT: Okay.
LAURA: Do it. ASHLEY: If it’s not– I want to just (whooshes). MARISHA: Grab its heart.
ASHLEY: Yeah. MARISHA: Grab it by the heart.
ASHLEY: I want to do the Ace Ventura.
MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Sure, yeah, you want to do that? ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: All right, roll an attack. You have to move up to it.
TALIESIN: In high school, we called that the grab, the rip, and the display. MATT: That guy gets an attack of opportunity against you. ASHLEY: Okay.
LAURA: Yeah. Indiana Jones.
ASHLEY: And advantage because reckless.
MATT: Correct. You’re doing reckless again this turn? Okay. That would be a 14. Does that hit? ASHLEY: No. MATT: It rakes its fingers across your back, but your little bit of cloak just gets tugged a bit before its fingers just tear out of the cloth, no effect. You reach over towards it. Magician’s Judge goes up from one side and you reach your hand forward. Roll for attack with advantage. ASHLEY: Okay. TRAVIS: With advantage, with advantage. ASHLEY: Right, right, I’m just making sure. Oh, yeah, okay, okay. 22.
MATT: That definitely hits. ASHLEY: Okay.
MATT: All right, you do one damage plus your strength modifier. ASHLEY: One damage plus my strength– MATT: Plus whatever your rage bonus and strength modifier, I’ll say. ASHLEY: Why am I blanking right now? TRAVIS: Just plus one to whatever your strength modifier is. MATT: Your strength modifier’s three. ASHLEY: Oh, yes.
MATT: Your rage bonus is? ASHLEY: Sorry, I know what you’re saying. MATT: We’ll say whatever your divine damage is, this turn, too. Add your d6 divine. Because you can do that. TALIESIN: Really? MATT: Yep.
ASHLEY: Rage bonus is plus three. LAURA: So six plus– Roll a six. MATT: Six and then add a d6 to it. ASHLEY: Oh my god, sorry.
MATT: It’s okay. ASHLEY: Ugh, one, so seven. MATT: Seven, eight points. (laughs) It rolled literally a seven, so, and I added everything up, so you reach out, your hand goes through, and as your hand reaches forward, you watch electrical energy build up at the end of the fingers. (booms) As it goes out the other side. You see the back of the shoulder blades explode and the hand you pull back (crunches), tearing through the bones, ribs spill out from the exit hole and you can still see energy (crackling) off of your fingers. The minor blessing of the Stormlord, looking in your hand, you have a gray, withered heart. Not glowing like the one that Beauregard has found. MARISHA: It’s not glowing. ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: Only some of them are golden heart. TRAVIS: I think radiant damage does it. LAURA: I don’t know, because not all the things I turned dropped a heart. Only two of them have dropped a heart so far. MATT: So that’s one action.
ASHLEY: Yeah, okay, so– TRAVIS: Did not all that got turned drop gold? MARISHA: Goddamn Easter egg hunt. MATT: The Hex is gone. You going to move the Hex? TRAVIS: Yes, I’ll move it back to this one behind Caduceus. MATT: Right there.
TRAVIS: Thanks. TALIESIN: Moving it might also be a bonus action. LIAM: –baseball card. MARISHA: I didn’t, not today. MATT: Double check. It might be, actually. LAURA: To move it is a bonus action. It is. MATT: I think it might be.
TALIESIN: It is, yep. MATT: Yasha.
ASHLEY: Yeah. Okay, and I’ll try to move a little bit towards the pedestal, even though this is probably not going to– MATT: So right there?
ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: All right, the other guy gets an attack of opportunity on you, with advantage. Ooh, that’s a 22 to hit.
ASHLEY: Yeah, that hits. MATT: All right, it slams you in the back for five points of bludgeoning damage, which you reduce to two. ASHLEY: Okay. TALIESIN: Ow. LAURA: That’s like Arnold Schwarzenegger getting drop kicked. MATT: You still have your second attack if you want to. ASHLEY: Oh, yeah, I’m going to turn around and hit the guy, then, that just hit me.
MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll attack with advantage. ASHLEY: Ooh! Okay. This is with my sword.
MATT: Yep. ASHLEY: 25.
MATT: That definitely hits. They have an AC of eight. ASHLEY: Okay, six, 11 points of damage. MATT: 11 points of damage. You take, now, your other hand immediately dropped the gray heart or are you still holding it?
ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: You drop it behind you. The guy hits you from behind and you swing back around. Wham, the blade cuts him in half and the body crumbles into the ground unmoving. SAM: Nice.
TRAVIS: Nice! ASHLEY: No glowy?
TRAVIS: And he didn’t get back up. MATT: So 18 points? Sorry, it was?
ASHLEY: 11 points. MATT: 11 points, sorry. So actually, he’s still up. But he’s carved into and standing (groans). LAURA: His heart is missing in the– okay. MATT: You don’t necessarily see.
LAURA: We don’t know that. ASHLEY: Okay.
MATT: All right. That finishes your turn. Jester finished her turn. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Yasha punched the heart out of this one or this one? MATT: This one here.
MARISHA: This one? MATT: You’re still holding the glowing heart in your hand. MARISHA: Taking a cue from Yasha, I’m going to take my right hand and one-inch punch right through its– MARISHA: Natural 19. MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll damage on that. MARISHA: And then that is 11 damage. MATT: 11 damage. The fist gets a few inches in. You can feel it hitting, breaking through the ribs, but it didn’t go all the way through. You can take the next attack. MARISHA: Yeah, 25.
MATT: That hits. Roll damage a second time. MARISHA: Seven damage.
MATT: Seven damage! (whooshes) Your fist goes in and you grab onto the heart, but it’s still taut in there. It’s not dead. MARISHA: It’s not a dead heart or not dead? MATT: Well, I mean, it’s still alive. You haven’t been able to pull it out, so you have to roll a bonus action. MARISHA: Bonus action to yank it out. 17.
MATT: 17, roll damage. MARISHA: (groans) Seven. MATT: Seven. Okay, so you grab it and you pull back and the zombie (clicks) grabs your arm and is like (growls) and you can’t pull your hand out of its body. MARISHA: Don’t bite! MATT: It’s on death’s door, but it seems it’s resisting the crumbling of its necromantic form. MARISHA: Do I get the same feeling in this hand? MATT: That warmth, nope.
(groans) MARISHA: Well, I’m like, oh–
TRAVIS: (cheerful) Put the new heart in the old zombie!
SAM: (laughs) MARISHA: I’m trying to help you! MATT: You got that, all right. Is that the end of your turn? MARISHA: Can I move away? Can I let go and move? MATT: Sure, yeah, you can.
MARISHA: At this point. Yeah.
MATT: Where you going to move to? MARISHA: Towards the pedestal.
MATT: Okay. You can get over–
MARISHA: That’s fine. MATT: Okay, it gets an attack of opportunity against you. MARISHA: Cha.
MATT: As you move past. MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: A couple of them have already taken– MATT: Misses, no worries.
MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Okay, end of your turn?
MARISHA: Mm-hmm. MATT: Okay, the heart in your hand goes dull and gray. MARISHA: No! Fucking what? LAURA: What does it mean?! TALIESIN: We needed to get it in there fast is what we–
LAURA: Oh, we’ve got to get it in the thing. We’ve got to put it in the– SAM: In the what?
LAURA: In the pedestal. MARISHA: We’ve got to put it in the bowl. TALIESIN: None of this is making me happy, but we have the 15 feet of clearance right now, so. MARISHA: That’s what I was going to go for. SAM: So we need three on?
LIAM: Maybe. Checking the door, maybe.
TALIESIN: I’m going to hit the one that’s right next to Caleb with a standard Sacred Flame since that’s what we’re at.
MATT: Okay, go for it. TALIESIN: Actually, that one’s within the 15 foot radius right now. MATT: It is. TALIESIN: Oh, I’m going to shoot outside the 15 foot radius then. Whichever one’s– MATT: There’s these two over here that are standalone.
TALIESIN: Oh, I’ll annoy one of the standalone ones right over there. MATT: Okay, so you turn around and release on that guy there. No, it’s a failure, so roll damage on that. TALIESIN: That’s 17 radiant damage. MATT: 17 radiant damage. Nice. (crackling) Burns into him. He’s badly hurt, his body is torn apart, but he’s still standing. So that’s your action.
TALIESIN: Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.
MATT: Okay, Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Okay, I have a bloom of catmint in my hand and I thrust it into the air and a visage of Frumpkin floats over those two by me and then it (whooshes) balloons up into a giant orangish rusty cat claw and it’s going to smash down on top of the one that Caduceus just started on. MATT: Right here?
SAM: ♪ Frumpkin’s Paw! ♪ LIAM: Is that the one that Caduceus–? MATT: Yes.
LIAM: Then we’ll do that. ASHLEY: That is so cute. LIAM: Actually, no, I will do, because I’m in the thick of it, so, no. We’ll do it by the one that’s near Yasha and Caleb equally.
MATT: So right there. LIAM: Yeah, sure.
MATT: You got it. All right, so–
LIAM: And (whooshes). MATT: Onto one of them.
LIAM: Yes, the one closest to you. MATT: You got it. Go ahead and roll attack on that. LIAM: Oh, that’s a 19 I rolled.
MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LIAM: Okay, that’s 4d8. Where I put them? Where did it go? 11, 19, 21 points of damage. MATT: 21 points of damage. (whooshes) Slams into it. It gets crushed in the ground. As the paw withdraws, it (gasps) gets up. Its head is torn, one arm comes off of the bone left behind. It’s barely standing. LIAM: Son of a bitch! Yeah, I will stay my ground because they will rake my back if I try to move.
TALIESIN: Well, they’re about to– MATT: All right, now it’s their turn. So 15-foot radius. One, two, almost all of them but these two are affected by it, so, go ahead and roll your damage. MARISHA: Fuck yeah, unicorns!
LAURA: Okay, 14. SAM: Not bad. MATT: 14 damage, all right.
LAURA: Oh, wait, 14. Let’s see if I add anything because I can’t remember. MATT: I think it’s just the– LAURA: It’s just that 3d8, yeah. It’s radiant. MATT: Nope, he (whooshes) disintegrates. You watch a glowing orb hit the ground. LAURA: Ooh! TALIESIN: We got one.
MATT: A little heart. I’m going to start marking these for where they are. We have one there.
LAURA: Okay. MATT: That guy over there fails his save. He takes 17 points of radiant damage (crackles), but he hasn’t been damaged before, so he looks hurt, but he’s still standing. This guy there fails. He takes 17 points radiant damage. LAURA: Oh, it’s only 14 points. MATT: Oh, 14, sorry.
LAURA: Sorry. MATT: 14, 14. To the one that was damaged by the cat claw. Fails and fails. That one is (whooshes) completely incinerated by all the radiant unicorns jamming into its body, leaving all these holes, it goes (groans), falls off to the side. No glowing left behind. LAURA: They also use their unicorn teeth. Just letting you know.
MATT: That one does make its save, so it takes half damage. MARISHA: Oh, little nibbles. MATT: That would be seven points. All righty, so now they take their turn. This one’s going to move forward. SAM: Oh, no.
MATT: To Beau. This one’s going to move. It’s going to stay against Fjord. This one’s going to go ahead and– I think it’s going to move in. They’re both going to flank Fjord. This one’s going to move up to Yasha and then. TALIESIN: Oh, yeah.
LAURA: Okay. Like this seems silly to use right now. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Good gravy, Matthew. TALIESIN: Well. LAURA: Okay, and then if any of them– TALIESIN: Well, I mean, my turn is already… LAURA: Is done? TALIESIN: I mean, like– well, yeah. SAM: I know you ordered these in bulk, but you didn’t have to use them all in the same night. LAURA: Are any of them coming within the 15? MATT: Yes, they are, so those three have to make it now. LAURA: Would I roll again or is it just the– MATT: I’ll let you roll again if you want to. LAURA: Oh, that’s worse, way worse. I should have kept it. Way worse, seven. MATT: Seven points to him. SAM: Why would you be greedy? Because you’re greedy. LAURA: I didn’t know if I needed to. I wasn’t trying to be greedy. Yes, I was.
MARISHA: (laughs) MATT: Seven points to him. TALIESIN: Is that radiant? MATT: So that would be one attacking Caduceus with advantage. That’s going to put it at 17 to hit? TALIESIN: Nope.
MATT: (whooshes) Misses. Another one attacking without advantage. 13, misses.
TALIESIN: Nope. MATT: One attacking you, Jester. Six, misses. Attacking you, Beauregard. Five, misses. Another attacking Caleb. It’s a 22 to hit. I rolled a natural 19. You take seven points of bludgeoning damage. One attacking Yasha with advantage. Natural 20. That’s 11 points of bludgeoning damage reduced to five. MARISHA: I’m never playing a wizard. Never. LAURA: Never. LIAM: Next five campaigns for me, all bloodhunter. MATT: Fjord. TALIESIN: Is that moving into the 15 foot range also? MATT: It does and it takes another seven points of damage. That one’s going to go ahead and attack Fjord. Eight misses and the other one, a natural one, misses. Their turn is done, Nott, you’re up. SAM: Wow, wow, bonus action, move the Mage Hand, pick up the heart on the floor. LAURA: Yes.
MARISHA: Yes, queen. SAM: Put it into the hole. MATT: How much space– how far can you move? SAM: 30 feet. I’ll move as far as I need to. MATT: 15. We’ll say it manages to pick it up there. That’s 15. 20, 25, 30. LAURA: Yeah!
MATT: It drops the heart into one of the bowls.
SAM: Sure. LAURA: Yes!
SAM: Sure. LIAM: Hand spin like “Inception.” TRAVIS: We’re still in the dream. ASHLEY: And nothing happens.
MATT: It drops into the bowl. (splashes) You watch the little groove (whooshes) light up. LAURA: (gasps) SAM: So that’s one of three that we need. LAURA: Yeah. Hopefully we’re doing this right. SAM: Did the door move it or anything? No. MATT: You didn’t notice anything. SAM: Okay. Well, then, in that case, we need to get some more hearts. MATT: That was your bonus action to do that, right? SAM: That was my bonus action. Action, if we need more hearts. LAURA: Yes, we need more hearts! SAM: I’m going to aim at, at one (wheezes), at one of the zombie things. LAURA: One of the ones that been hurt. SAM: Yeah.
MATT: They’ve all been hurt at this point.
SAM: Has the one next Jester been hurt?
LAURA: They’ve all been hurt. MATT: They’re all being assaulted by a bunch of radiant unicorns. (squeaking)
SAM: Great. I’m going to aim right for the heart and see if I can aim it so to push the heart through. MATT: Sure. SAM: Like in some sort of explosive. TALIESIN: You’re doing well. SAM: 28.
MATT: That definitely hits. LAURA: Pink and purple flashes everywhere around us. SAM: A million points of damage. No, just 25 points of damage. MATT: 25 points of damage, yeah. It was not going to make that save. (whooshes) The chest explodes and you see its gray heart shoot out, pinned to this wall. It’s just sitting there. SAM: But not a good heart? LAURA: No, we need a gold heart. SAM: Goddamn it! MATT: That was your action, bonus action. SAM: That’s it.
MATT: All right. MARISHA: 10% drop rate or something? MATT: Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: With my bonus–
MARISHA: 20% to get a foil. TRAVIS: With my bonus action, I’ll move next to this guy right there.
MATT: Right there, you got it. TRAVIS: I will, I’ll take a swipe at him, the first one, at him. MATT: Go for it.
SAM: I’m running low. TRAVIS: 26 to hit. 26 to hit?
MATT: 26 hits. TRAVIS: Okay, cool. TALIESIN: You could’ve said something last time we were in– TRAVIS: Seven points of slashing damage and one point of Hex. So eight total on the first one. MATT: All right.
TRAVIS: On the– MATT: (blasts) You carve through it. It’s looking really wounded between the unicorns that have been attacking it, the damage you dealt with your first try, but it’s still standing. TRAVIS: I’ll attack the guy behind me, directly behind me. The one to his right.
MATT: You got it. TRAVIS: 25. MATT: 25 hits.
TRAVIS: Yes. LAURA: Gold heart, gold heart! LIAM: No whammies, no whammies. TRAVIS: 11 points of slashing damage. MATT: 11 points slashing damage (whooshes). You strike through that one and (groans) it takes the hit. It’s holding on by a thread. That finish your go?
TRAVIS: Yes, it does. MATT: All right, Yasha, Jester, you guys are up. ASHLEY: Go, Jessie.
LAURA: Oh, okay. I’m going to… I’m going to Sacred Flame one of them. MATT: Which one? Pick one. LAURA: The one that Fjord was just attacking? TRAVIS: Yeah, which one?
MATT: There’s two of him he just hit.
LAURA: Oh, wait. You know what? I’m going to do it next to somebody that is near one that I can grab if it drops the heart. How about the one that’s–
MATT: Right there? LAURA: Yeah!
MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: We need hearts.
MATT: That is a failed save. LAURA: All right, that’s 2d8. MATT: 2d8. LAURA: 2d8 radiant. Ooh, that’s a 12. MATT: 12 points? Oh, it’s still standing. SAM: What the shit? MATT: Seven plus 12, nineteen. It’s burnt. The unicorns are attacking it and it’s still (gasps). Its eyes rolling its head to the side. So that’s your action.
LAURA: (groans) (frustrated noises) Should I do it? SAM: We need some hearts.
TALIESIN: Do what? LAURA: Well, I could bonus action and cast Spiritual Weapon. But I don’t want to waste any more spells if we have to fight something else! TALIESIN: Yeah, we’re fine. SAM: The unicorns’ll finish him off. TALIESIN: Yeah.
LAURA: Okay, okay. SAM: Yeah.
LAURA: All right. Then I’m going to–
MATT: That finishes Jester’s go. Yasha.
LAURA: Oh, oh, yeah. I think I can do that, actually. SAM: Oh, yeah. LAURA: Wait, let me see if I have my bonus. Hold on.
MATT: In the meantime, Yasha, why don’t you go?
LAURA: Okay. ASHLEY: Okay. I’m going to attack– sorry, Fjord, but because he’s close, I’m going to attack Mr. Hexy. MATT: Mr. Hexy?
ASHLEY: Yeah. Was that the one you were attacking or the one that you said was pretty close? MATT: You can’t quite get to the Hex guy. ASHLEY: Okay.
MATT: You have to move around. ASHLEY: Okay, yeah, I’ll attack the other one that he was attacking.
MATT: Right there, go for it. ASHLEY: Yeah. TRAVIS: That’s actually good for me. One last flanked attack for me to do it. ASHLEY: Ooh, okay. 24.
MATT: 24 definitely hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Open him up! ASHLEY: Come here. TALIESIN: Whoa! ASHLEY: Okay. 22 points of damage. MATT: 22 points of damage.
TALIESIN: Wow. MATT: Okay, he rolled an 18 on his save plus three for his con. That’s 21. You literally just did enough damage to prevent him from maintaining his– (whooshes) He is slaughtered. As the chest is torn open, gray heart. (groaning) MATT: Sorry. ASHLEY: Fuck you, you fucking dead person! SAM: Is it the radiant damage? MARISHA: I think it’s the–
LAURA: It’s only radiant damage that kills with a gold heart?
TRAVIS: Or magical? No, because she has a magical weapon. MATT: You still have a second attack. MARISHA: But this one was killed.
ASHLEY: I’m trying to think. SAM: With what?
LAURA: Sacred Flame. MATT: Both of these are really badly hurt. All of them have been damaged to a certain point because of her unicorns. ASHLEY: I’ll walk up to the Hex guy, but it’s like I don’t want to kill anymore people if they’re just going to have gray hearts. MATT: What are you going to do? ASHLEY: Okay, I’ll attack the Hex guy. MATT: The Hex guy, so you’re going to move this way? They get an attack of opportunity if you do. ASHLEY: Okay.
MATT: All right, so you move over. One of the guys swings at you with advantage. That’s going to be 13 to hit. ASHLEY: Nope.
MATT: (whooshes) You shrug it off. ASHLEY: Okay. 23.
MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Same with this one over here. TRAVIS: Does her divine fury do radiant damage? MATT: Divine fury, they should say, I think it does radiant damage. ASHLEY: Checking.
MATT: I believe it is. If it’s radiant damage, that does make a difference. TRAVIS: Because it’s radiant.
ASHLEY: Yeah. While you’re raging–
SAM: We just get some regular gray hearts?
ASHLEY: Yeah, necrotic or radiant damage.
MATT: Yeah, so. You’re fallen, so I think it might be necrotic. We’ll double check. We’ll check and see if it’s a choice, but, regardless, for now, anyway, you roll for your second attack. ASHLEY: Yeah.
MATT: Hits. What’s the damage on that? ASHLEY: 12 points of damage. MATT: 12 points of damage. Does not make the save. The hexed creature crumbles on the ground and as it falls open, you can see the faint glow in its chest on the ground there. ASHLEY: Ah, okay, can I grab it? MATT: I’ll say you can grab it as a free action, but that’ll be the end of your turn. ASHLEY: Okay, I’ll grab it. SAM: Is it glowing?
LAURA: It’s glowing. ASHLEY: Yeah, it’s glowing. MARISHA: Did you kill it with radiant or necrotic? ASHLEY: I don’t know. MARISHA: No? ASHLEY: I don’t know.
MARISHA: You don’t know. ASHLEY: I think what I have is necrotic, but I don’t know. MATT: We’ll call that the rest of your move in letting you pick that up and pull out of the chest in that area. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: All right, that ends your go. Beau, you’re up. Beau, you’re up. TALIESIN: We keep killing them before they die properly. MATT: Caduceus, you’re on deck. MARISHA: Is it radiant damage? How about this, I’m going to, excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, Yasha! TALIESIN: Yeah.
TRAVIS: Yeah, dope. Teamwork is dreamwork, baby!
MARISHA: Mm-hm. MATT: That one gets an attack of opportunity on you. MARISHA: That’s fine. MATT: Misses you entirely. Take it from her.
MARISHA: Thank you, excuse me. Pardon me. MATT: All right. I’ll say, yeah. Moving through your friends, you can do that. You go over and walk through, excuse me, excuse me, slam the heart in, into the second bowl (whooshes). The second one lights up. TRAVIS: Come on!
ASHLEY: Okay, okay. SAM: Two-thirds there, guys! MARISHA: Anything else I can do? MATT: I’ll say pushing through, your action to pull it from her and put it in there, I’d say you have your bonus action. TRAVIS: Look at that big ass cat’s paw. MARISHA: The one that Jester fucked up that’s under Frumpkin’s claw?
MATT: Yeah? MARISHA: Can I look inside, see if he’s got a glowy heart? MATT: Make an investigation check. Investigation or perception, your choice. MARISHA: Investigation always. Fucking ballsacks. 11.
MATT: 11. Unfortunately, it’s hard to see. Its chest cavity is not exposed through a severe amount of damage. You’re uncertain. TALIESIN: You know never know what’s truly in someone’s heart. ASHLEY: All right, one more to go. MARISHA: Okay, that’s it.
MATT: All righty. That brings us to Caduceus. Caleb, you’re on deck. TALIESIN: I’m holding my action for the next time a whole bunch of them come up. MATT: Okay, you got it. Staying where you are? TALIESIN: I’m staying exactly where I am. MATT: Caleb.
LIAM: Caleb doesn’t know anything about this radiant theory running around the table, so I’m going to mush the one that is right under the cat claw. MATT: Go for it. Roll attack. LIAM: Yep. That is a 16 to hit.
MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: I imagine while all of this is happening, all of us are going: Is it radiant?! Is it radiant?
SAM: For sure. MARISHA: Why are some gray!?
LAURA: I don’t know. We need a gold one. Is it radiant? TRAVIS: Caleb is blocking out what all of your– MATT: (gasping) It managed to make its save. It should be destroyed, but its form is still holding up. One hit point. TALIESIN: One hit point.
MATT: (undead gasping) It’s rolling really well, their saving throws tonight. LIAM: I’m in a turkey shoot. I’ll stay where I am. TRAVIS: (stage whisper) Caleb, deal radiant damage. MATT: Beginning of their turn. Go ahead and roll damage. ASHLEY: Yes. SAM: (pigeon cooing) Radiant LAURA: Goddamn it. Eight, no. Yeah, eight points. MATT: Eight points, all right. It takes eight points. Right there, eight points. Actually, that one disintegrates. No, no, no, that one takes eight as well. That one fails. It takes eight points. That one disintegrates. I think that’s– that’s a lot of creatures to hit. That one misses. So he doesn’t even get to save. The radiant damage destroys him (whooshes) gray heart. SAM: Gray heart. It’s not the radiant! ASHLEY: Okay, okay.
SAM: Goddamn it! LIAM: It’s just loot drops, guys. It’s loot drops. MARISHA: It’s just loot drops.
MATT: Seven points of damage. Barely holding on.
LAURA: God, my stupid unicorns! TRAVIS: You’ve got to say the keyword before you kill it. SAM: That’s what it is.
ASHLEY: They’re helping so much. MATT: This one (whooshes) falls to the ground. LAURA: Gold heart, gold heart!
MATT: Gray heart. TRAVIS: Ketchup, say ketchup! MATT: That’s it for them. LAURA: What did we do differently? Anything?
MARISHA: I think it’s just rando. SAM: I think you have to say a witty one-liner when you kill it. TRAVIS: Witty one-liner?
SAM: A witty one-liner. LIAM: Why start now? ASHLEY: I don’t know if I said one, though. MARISHA: Hello, I’m Witty One-Liner. TALIESIN: Also, entering into the field, so. LAURA: Now’s your time?
TALIESIN: Yep. All of them who are out, so, have another round of them just popped up? Turn Undead. LAURA: Oh, yeah, and some of them came into my thing, too. MATT: Correct. We’ll do your damage first. SAM: Oof, finally. LAURA: 15. MATT: 15 fails on that one. That’s another 15, that one fails. That one is another 15. That one fails, another 15. Those are all going to (crackles) burn terribly. They look wrecked, just walking into battle. As they hit the radius, they’re being struck with all of these radiant unicorns just flesh tearing off. They’re trying to pull forward. TRAVIS: Angry hamster unicorns.
MATT: You’re Turn Undead? LAURA: There’s one that’s fluttering around it’s neck going. TALIESIN: 17, I want to say.
MATT: That’s will, right? TALIESIN: That’s a 17. It’s been a while.
TRAVIS: Like little piranhas. MATT: That one succeeds with a natural 20. TALIESIN: Wow.
MATT: That one. TALIESIN: Wisdom.
MATT: Yeah. Disintegrated.
SAM: And? MATT: Gray heart.
(groaning) MATT: This one. Su– no, because that was a natural 18 minus two, so 16. That one (whooshes) disintegrates. Gray heart.
TRAVIS: Damn it! MATT: This one. TRAVIS: Say it.
MATT: That is a 19 minus two. 17, so that one succeeds. That one fails (whooshes).
LIAM: (hoarsely) Thank you. MATT: Glowing.
TRAVIS: Get that shit! (yelling) MATT: That one fails, disintegrates. Gray heart. That one disintegrates. Gray heart. There’s two of them currently standing. TALIESIN: Also, and again, everything below us, too, for a 30-foot radius and in both pits, I get a little bit of a burn for anything– MATT: Correct, so.
LAURA: Popcorn. TRAVIS: Popcorn.
TALIESIN: Popcorn! MATT: My god. TALIESIN: I don’t have anything, but there’s a– Got one! SAM: Pop pop.
MATT: (laughs) (whooshing) There’s a scattering of little radiant bursts around as corpses just start detonating in the vicinity. You see a few other faint glows that are left there, but vanish into the rest of the piles as the ground is still writhing. TALIESIN: Like sexy mushrooms.
MATT: Filling the gap of the spaces of the ones that are now ash. You see for each zombie that dies, more continue to crawl their way towards you in the space. All right, so that begins their turn. There’s two that survived. That one’s going to attack you, Fjord. That’s going to be 15 to hit. What’s your armor class? TRAVIS: 17.
MATT: 17. (whooshes) Scrapes off your shield and you knock it away. That one’s attacking Caduceus. That’s a 15 to hit, no damage. All right, that ends their go. Nott, you’re up. LAURA: Yeah!
SAM: Mage Hand! Grab that heart, do some sort of little magic. LAURA: David Bowie move. SAM: Yeah, yes, exactly. TRAVIS: From “Labyrinth?”
(laughter) LIAM: It’s a crystal.
SAM: Place it in the little bucket. MATT: It goes into the small dome. The third groove fills with light. The two standing zombies (whoosh, thump) fall to the ground and collapse and all the ones that are crawling out just go limp. Both the door you entered and the door across the way (creaking) that one opens up and that one on that side (rumbles) slides open. LAURA: (clapping)
SAM: I did it, guys! I figured it out!
TRAVIS: And totally sober. How’s it feel? SAM: Not good. Did you steal my flask? LAURA: It felt a little good.
TRAVIS: We should get out of this room. ASHLEY: Wait, so we’re leaving. We’re going, we’re leaving, going back the way we came? TRAVIS: Before we leave, maybe we should just collect ourselves for a short minute. LAURA: Take 30 minutes in here? What if there’s a timer on this door? SAM: I’m looking through the door. What’s on the other side? MATT: Okay, so you glance through. There’s a little bit of a 30-foot hallway before it opens up and you can see that the stone floor gets rocky. You can see darkness beyond that. Your visual radius is cut about 30 feet, so you have to traverse further in to see where it goes. TRAVIS: We can get out of the room. LAURA: Yeah, let’s get out of this room. TRAVIS: Let’s just take a second on the other side of the doorway. TALIESIN: We’re pretty thrashed.
SAM: Okay. MATT: All right, so you all make your way out of the open door into the next hallway and carefully walk to the next area where it opens up. You come out onto a somewhat broken, mildly uneven, but still flat surface, rock, dry, dirt, dust. About 15 feet beyond the entrance, it just ends. You’re looking around this massive natural cavern wall to each side, like you’re on the edge of a chasm, with a slight stone outcropping that you’ve just walked out on. It’s just shadow around you at all sides except for the cavern wall that’s behind you that continues outward before it vanishes into the periphery where the darkness takes the rest of your vision. At the very edge, you can see what looks bolted into the edge of this cliff side, a pair of heavy, metallic bolts, like poles, with giant, drilled screws and metal pikes set into the side. Massive chains reaching out into a ten-foot wide, elongated iron bridge that slightly bows out into the darkness beyond your point of vision. Other than that, just silence. LIAM: Caleb goes and sits nowhere near the edge, but walks 15 feet out, plants on the ground, pulls a book out, and just starts casting Leomund’s Tiny Hut. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Beau goes to the edge and just gets low. Sits on the edge, dangles my feet off. MATT: Okay, you look down and beyond the 30-foot radius of your darkvision, with it truncated, you just see the darkness below. MARISHA: Cool. TALIESIN: I’m going to sit and meditate. I’m going to close my eyes. I actually also think I’m going to douse the– I’ll keep the light spell up for you, I suppose, for now. LIAM: We would not have reached an hour later, so the Driftglobe has been going all this time. TALIESIN: Okay.
MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: I’m going to sit. I’m going to close my eyes and I’m going to listen very carefully.
MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: Natural 20, 29. MATT: You listen here, everyone’s quietly moved in. Beau moved to the edge quietly, sat down. Caleb moved to the edge quietly opened his book. You just close and listen. Absolute silence. That weird deafening silence where the eardrums seem to almost push in. Anybody else do anything? LAURA: I’m humming very quietly. You’ll hear that. ASHLEY: I want to go to the edge of the bridge and see how far I can see. MATT: About 30 feet of what you can see in your darkvision. The bridge, it bows slightly as it moves further out, but you’re not sure how far out it goes, but you can see 30 feet of it before it vanishes into the darkness ahead. TRAVIS: Anybody up for figuring out how far of a drop this is? MARISHA: I take out a ball bearing.
SAM: (laughs) MATT: You don’t hear an impact. Instead, you hear (whispering). One, 12, hundreds of whispering voices all merging and gathering (whispering), filling the entire chamber. For a moment. Your brain begins to get a little muddied from the sound, for just a moment. I’m going to need you to go ahead and– TRAVIS: One ball bearing. MATT: Make a–
MARISHA: Destroy them all. MATT: Make a wisdom-saving throw for me, please. MARISHA: A wisdom save?
LAURA: We are straight up in– MATT: Yes.
LAURA: The tomb of some god right now. ASHLEY: Pull your legs up. MARISHA: (laughs) Natural 20.
MATT: Okay. LAURA: Thank god.
MATT: The influence of the whispers on your mind, you push it away and you back away from the edge and the rest of you can hear them faintly. TALIESIN: Did I, yeah, because I’m– MATT: You definitely pick up on it. It started, with your natural 20, it started locally to where that ball bearing would have dropped and then echoed and expanded to fill the entire chasm for a moment before they slowly died down. TALIESIN: Please don’t aggravate the ghosts. MARISHA: Didn’t know there’d be a pit of ghosts. TALIESIN: Let’s just–
LAURA: This is a fucking tomb, you guys.
MATT: Like it was strange. Elements of it sounded like language, but none that you knew. Some of it sounded like babble, some of it sounded like, just like light screams and moans all merging. It was maddening, terrifying, sourceless.
TALIESIN: Couldn’t make anything out? MATT: Not without any light, not at this distance. TALIESIN: I mean…
MATT: Oh, no. TALIESIN: All right.
MARISHA: I don’t think we want them in our heads. SAM: Yikes.
LAURA: I don’t like this. LIAM: Tenish minutes later (hums) and there is a grayish-black dome in the rock and Caleb just– he doesn’t fall asleep, but just lies back on his back and rests.
TRAVIS: Do we want to make it a long one? TALIESIN and LAURA: We can’t. TRAVIS: Why? LAURA: I don’t know. TALIESIN: I feel like things are–
LIAM: Caleb is exhausted. LAURA: I could cast Locate on the guy if we’re going to do a long rest. SAM: Sure.
LAURA: And just. TRAVIS: This might be the most chill we get before wherever the bridge into darkness goes. LAURA: We need to make sure that those voices can’t get us in the hut, though, because they aren’t going to stop us from wandering outside of it. MARISHA: No. LIAM: Just respect the dead.
TRAVIS: Yeah. We’ll keep watch and watch means things from coming in and things from going out. LAURA: Maybe we like tie all of us together. SAM: Okay.
LAURA: If we go to sleep. TALIESIN: That’s not a bad idea. SAM: Sure, that’s a good idea. TALIESIN: Yeah, I don’t know, I’m trying to figure out if I think– I don’t know if spending that much time here is a good idea or not. SAM: We don’t have much choice. LIAM: Well, you’re going to be dragging my dead body or leaving it behind. I am done. TALIESIN: That’s fair. That’s fair. Real quick, Eyes of the Grave one more time. MATT: Okay, you focus, no undead presence at all. TRAVIS: Can we– MATT: You look into the darkness below. From the ball bearing and the impact or where the impact would have been. It didn’t go very far before the whispers began to emerge. It wasn’t like some deep, deep infinite chasm or anything. TRAVIS: Can we stuff your ears? Our ears? SAM: Sure. Nothing can get through the dome, right? LAURA: Well, we can hear through the dome. TRAVIS: That’s what I mean.
LIAM: If we keep quiet. TRAVIS: I’m sure it won’t be total auditory protection, but it might help. LAURA: We definitely stand guard. TRAVIS: Yeah, two up. Everybody else rest. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: And everybody stuffs their ears. LAURA: I’m going to–
TRAVIS: Tear off pieces of cloth, whatever you need.
TALIESIN: I don’t know if that’s going to help, but do it. I suppose it can’t hurt. LAURA: I can try a Locate Object, I guess, but I don’t know what I would cast Locate Object on. Maybe something that Obann was wearing? SAM: You want to talk to him? LAURA: I mean, I could Send him a message, I suppose. TRAVIS: Yep. SAM: The magic counting fingers.
LAURA: Do we want to Send him a message right now?
TRAVIS: Do you want to? LAURA: I can. LIAM: You could tell him that we are bringing his prize. LAURA: Okay.
MARISHA: I’m sure he already knows we’re here. LAURA: Yeah.
TALIESIN: I’m sure he does. LIAM: Ask him, maybe, where he intends to meet up? TRAVIS: What the hell is this place? LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: Yeah, okay (sighs). All right, I’m going to cast Sending on him. MATT: All right. LAURA: This place is really scary. (laughter) We have her. How far is it? What is this place? Did you know there were gold hearts? Okay, anyway, bye. MATT: (laughs)
LIAM: Goat hearts? What about goat hearts? MATT: “Ah, yes, I’ve made my way as well. “I’m glad you’ve kept up. “Hope to see you soon. “Just be careful. “Wouldn’t want you spoiled.” That’s all.
TRAVIS: What does that mean? LAURA: He said he wouldn’t want us spoiled. SAM: But you asked him what this place was. LAURA: He didn’t answer, he just said–
SAM: Why not?! That was the whole point of this. LAURA: He’s made his way through. Don’t get spoiled. Hope to see us soon. LIAM: Honey badger don’t give a shit. SAM: Well, we know we’re on the right path, I suppose. LAURA: Yeah. It’s up to you guys if you want to take a rest here. TRAVIS: Did you want to Locate, or was that the same spell slot? LAURA: I mean, I can try to Locate Object on literally something he’s wearing. I don’t know if he still has that on or anything? TRAVIS: You could try, correct? LAURA: If he’s in a thousand feet. If we’re going to stay here.
TRAVIS: We are going to stay. TALIESIN: We have to.
LAURA: Well, now. All right, I’ll cast Locate Object. MATT: On? LAURA: Like the– didn’t I see him wearing a cloak or something when– MATT: Like a cowl.
LAURA: Yeah, I’ll Locate it on that.
MATT: Okay. Concentrate, clutch your holy symbol. Putting out your focus and imagination, visualizing that item of clothing, visualizing the image of Obann in your mind. Nothing. TALIESIN: All right. LAURA: If he’s here, he’s not within a thousand feet. TRAVIS: God, are we just walking into a fucking–? ASHLEY: Is the door closed behind us? MATT: It’s currently open.
ASHLEY: It’s currently open. TALIESIN: I’m going to– we should close the door, I think. LIAM: It sounded like he is waiting for us, yeah? He knows we’re coming. He has the upper hand, most likely. We don’t want to walk in like this. TRAVIS: Were there actually grappling hooks and chains in that room? MATT: There were chains in there, yeah. TRAVIS: Should we acquire some safety rigging for whenever we decide to cross this thing? TALIESIN: I would say let’s take a look to see if there’s anything useful. Don’t touch the altar again and maybe scour–
LAURA: Oh, gosh. What if the minute you walk in, the door closes behind you and then you’re stuck in that room? Send your Mage Hand in. See if it can get some of the chains without us going in. SAM: It can only go 30 feet. LAURA: Well, are there chains right near the door? SAM: I don’t think so. MATT: There’s a few sets of chains within 20 feet of the door. SAM: I can only– okay, sure, I’ll try. MATT: If you want to, I mean.
SAM: Yeah. It can only lift five pounds, though. I don’t know how much chain that is. LAURA: Try it, try to drag it.
SAM: Sure, sure. I’ll drag a chain. MATT: The hand grabs the chain. You pull it over towards you and it gets taut. They’re all bolted to the walls up top. TRAVIS: All right, never mind, worth the thought, worth the try. We rest. SAM: Just kick back with a little– TALIESIN: We should–
SAM: — little whiskey. TRAVIS: What, what’d you say?
SAM: A little whiskey. MATT: (whispering) The whispers and sounds begin to pick up at the louder sound of Nott’s voice carrying over, which faintly echoed through the cavern. I need everybody to make a wisdom saving throw. (shouting)
SAM: We can’t talk loud! MARISHA: It’s noise in general. SAM: Wisdom?
MATT: Wisdom. SAM: Save.
MATT: Yes. SAM: But we had a–
TRAVIS: 15. MATT: Beau?
MARISHA: Ten. LIAM: 25.
SAM: Five. LAURA: 17.
TALIESIN: 15. ASHLEY: Five. MATT: Okay. The rest of you guys plug your ears real fast. And put it in– Both Nott and Yasha, the sound pierces your brain. The sound of the voice expands into tens, hundreds. Screams wailing, whispers, laughter, laughter, so much laughter, and weird screaming and the wails. I am going to, for each of you. Okay, so, Nott. You guys watch as Nott just– just goes catatonic. Doesn’t react to anything. SAM: My last words were whiskey.
MATT: Yasha does the same. They both just glaze over for a moment. TALIESIN: (shushing) MATT: Then you guys come back to. SAM: Oh. LIAM: You all right? SAM: Did we see anything in our state? MATT: You rolled a ten, right? Actually, technically, you would have had this as well. SAM: Oh, boy.
TALIESIN: But wouldn’t– the previous save wouldn’t have mattered? MATT: No, it would not have. And you do the same. You guys got a little lucky here. You all just go catatonic. LAURA: Lucky, that was lucky he said. LIAM: Did that last about a minute? MATT: It lasted for about six seconds. LIAM: Six seconds, oh. ASHLEY: Did we see anything in that weird catatonic state? MARISHA: Did it feel like a stun? MATT: It felt like some sort of– like in the verbal influence, the cacophony of noises going into your mind emanating from the pit below just found its way into your head and you shrugged it off after a moment. TRAVIS: Okay, everybody plug your ears. Let’s go to sleep now. TALIESIN: We’re going to tie everybody’s ankles together. LAURA: Ankles? (laughs) This isn’t the Quiet Room. We can talk here. LIAM: I pull out my endless silver thread and I start to wrap it around everybody’s, actually, pinky finger. LAURA: Yeah, that’s better than ankle. LIAM: Person-to-person with about four feet between each person. MATT: Okay.
MARISHA: I pull out what’s left of my family’s wine, my wineskin. Drink a little, toss it to Nott. SAM: You’re my favorite person!
LAURA: Shh, shut up! MARISHA: Don’t–!
SAM: (slurping) TRAVIS: What the fuck?
LAURA: Why would you? MARISHA: It’s the end of the day. ASHLEY: I don’t know if I want to be attached to you guys. SAM: You mean right at this moment? Or just like longterm? ASHLEY: No, I just mean right in this moment. LIAM: Well, you’re right in the middle, so give me another five minutes to undo. ASHLEY: Stop it.
LIAM: And go all the way backward. TALIESIN: It might be safer, just in case. LIAM: I’ll put you on the end this time. ASHLEY: I’ll be on the end. LAURA: What if something happens in our sleep and then you wander away, Yasha? TALIESIN: We’ll need you if one of us wanders away. ASHLEY: I’ll be on the end. I just don’t like being trapped. TALIESIN: That’s fair. TRAVIS: Do I believe her? MATT: Make an insight check. TRAVIS: 14. SAM: Do you like being trapped?
ASHLEY: I don’t like being trapped. SAM: Do you like killing parents? ASHLEY: I just– you didn’t roll anything. MATT: All right. You finish preparing that. You guys are all within the dome. MARISHA: I’ll take first watch. TALIESIN: Are we going to do a straight sleep? TRAVIS: I’ll join for that first watch as well. MATT: Okay, we’ll pick up–
(groaning) – at the beginning of the watches of your attempt at a long rest in wherever you are. LAURA: “Attempt at a long rest.”
MARISHA: A terrible idea. MATT: Next week.
LAURA: A terrible idea. ASHLEY: Yeah, this is not a good idea.
SAM: We’re sleeping on a doorway to the Abyss. MARISHA: Did you burn through all your spells? LIAM: I’ve got one slot left. TRAVIS: Actually, I’ll take second watch or something. I want to keep an eye. MATT: Okay, so you can figure out what watches you take because you got a week to do so. All right, guys, we’ll pick up from there next week. (laughs)
SAM: Brutal. Brutal journey.
MATT: Oh, man. Yeah, awesome. I’m excited that we have–
TRAVIS: Where the fuck did you put us? What is this place? SAM: Travis!
LAURA: Shh! TRAVIS: (yelling) What do you want from us? SAM: Travis, no, the whispers!
MATT: (whispering) (laughter) All right. TALIESIN: This is my old house in Glendale. It’s nice.
MATT: Actually not that far. TALIESIN: Yeah, not that far off. MATT: Anyway, guys, thank you so much for hanging with us tonight. Don’t forget, we love you very much and is it Thursday yet? Good night. (dramatic music)

100 Comments

  • Flando Maltrizian

    I start today at a new, better job, so if I’m late or any are off, please forgive it.
    HEY, there might be some SPOILERS under the thing
    1:40 RIP Sam Riegel 1976-2019
    2:50 Crying resumes for Sam’s will
    4:45 The most awkward post ad yet
    9:10 Intro cinematic
    10:50 Episode Starts
    13:05 Recap Ends
    14:50 The chat knows all
    20:15 I hate walking into spider webs
    21:55 Nott whispers
    25:20 Map comes out, maybe combat?
    29:15 Leg math
    29:35 Caduceus, we see you
    33:00 Battle begins
    36:00 A messed up spider shoots ropes onto Caleb, who narrowly avoids penetration
    42:55 Too many spiders
    47:45 Spider magic
    49:15 Definitely Brian Foster’s fiancé
    49:35 HDYWTDT
    53:50 Fjord chooses a spider over Jester
    58:15 A real emotional rollercoaster for Gill
    1:04:30 Nott tries a one-liner
    1:06:00 Widowgast
    1:07:05 Laura’s spider story
    1:10:35 Spider Caleb communicates
    1:13:05 Poop from the mouth
    1:21:50 Burning the nest
    1:24:10 The Caleb scan
    1:29:05 The Orphan Makers
    1:31:40 Sam has hair on him for some reason
    1:32:05 Two at a time
    1:32:55 Fjord blows himself
    1:36:35 Everything is water
    1:42:05 Return of the hourglass is too much
    1:45:25 The descent begins
    2:02:40 The roc has returned
    2:06:25 Well, hell
    2:09:05 Too, many eagles
    2:10:55 Hard landing
    2:16:15 Making my way down
    2:22:30 Goblins have no tails, canon
    2:34:45 Do you want to help Fjord?
    2:36:20 Break Starts
    2:48:35 Art Montage
    3:01:25 Break Ends
    3:02:35 Isildur
    3:12:25 Travis’s snack sponsored by Dwarven Forge
    3:16:25 Battle begins
    3:17:15 Destroy undead
    3:18:35 Making my way
    3:23:40 Liam fears Marisha’s attacks
    3:27:20 Zombie Gallagher show
    3:44:55 Frumpkin’s paw
    3:48:20 Laura gets greedy
    3:59:20 Theories are flying
    4:04:25 Mage hand flourish
    4:09:20 Just messing with a god’s tomb
    4:14:45 Sending
    4:21:05 Nott and Fjord play charades
    4:24:05 Episode Ends
    The in-game start date for the episode was the 12th of Misuthar 836. Sam’s flask says “Always Love Each Other” in American Sign Language
    Any moments I missed? Feel free to post them here. Is it Thursday yet?

  • uHasioorr

    Why the hell they are going down?
    Bad Guy: "Sure i made it all on my own to the bottom. Keep up you noobs."
    Me: How? There was only one road, full of monsters, no evidence of anyone being there before them. He obviously let the party clear the way for him. That mofo is following them.
    I have 2 more episodes to watch before i catch up I hope I'm wrong.

    PS. Nice Baldur's Gate 3 t-shirt. Didn't know they sell them already. Or maybe you guys have something to do with BG3?

  • yukythebest

    Can the fan captions make a comeback? I mean, I know it's hard to keep the captions up Live, but here in YouTube they should be able to edit them right? I can hear but English is not my first lenguage and without accurate captions is really hard for me to keep up…

  • AyyWatchingVideos

    Am I the only one that thought the angel statues were petrified angels, cause they have greater restoration

  • Jose Valentim

    Hello from Brazil, I have been following the series since the beginning of the second season on youtube, since it has subtitles in Portuguese. The caption generated automatically by youtube is very bad, it does not follow the lip pitch and the caption is often from a scene that has happened before the current moment of the video.

    If they could improve the English subtitles of all the videos would be incredible!
    Congrats on the job!

  • FRAGA

    The ball bearing moment to figure out there was a hole reminded me of the time the wizard of my party decided he would throw his cat (generated by a magic item, not a familiar) in the middle of some spiral stairs to see if it could die and I as a DM got the pleasure of making the echoing sound of a cat falling and splatting to the ground xD

  • Eoneevee123

    I tend to watch with the captions on just to make sure I'm keeping up with what's going on and I see that for one it's not keeping up in time with what the players are saying and two. that some of it is censored or not accurately depicting what is being said.

  • Jeff Urbz

    Captions are a little off for the first 10min. Hope its not like that for the whole episode 🙁

    Edit: It is like that. It's clear the new stenographers aren't fans of the show.

  • Cree Nicole Myers

    1:05:52 Something really cute about the few minutes before the camera catches up and all you can see is Matt's eyes and forehead.

  • Kiwaldo

    Catch up crew here- been catching up all the way back from Campaign 1 (skipped the talks, the recaps and most one shots) and I'm almost getting there. I think I started about a year ago? Anyway, what's crazy to me is how the references keep catching up, they've mentioned Chernobyl a few times this session, and the memory of that horror show third episode is still alive and well in my mind.

  • Nusara

    I pray for you guys to never stop, the happiness i gain from your show is incredible. in a world where there is nothing, you guys sure do show some light to some people, im one of them. keep it up people! we love you.

  • joey joyce

    I feel like if they get back to roshanna and nott doesnt have her flask shes going to start questioning randoms in the street.

  • Kyouko Tsukino

    1:00 Sam Riegel, the untrained monkey. RIP.

    4:45 RIP sponsorship.

    48:00 Nott The Spider Slayer.

    53:00 Fjord uses an action to fuck it.

    55:00 Just like in real life, spiders are not that scary once you realize just how weak and easy to stomp to bits they are. Also, they only exist because flies and mosquitos exist, and those only exist because Mother Nature is a troll.

    1:03:00 Fjord loves spiders.

    1:42:00 Sand falls, everyone panics.

    1:53:40 Beau would like to goldfish.

    1:58:00 "I got a 25 with disadvantage." Is this a "Rogues, man," moment? It feels like one.

    2:00:50 "It hit something." Well, time for Marisha's next character, a hippie Paladin.

    2:32:00 Caleb solves any situation too dire, with his intellect and big balls of fire.

    2:35:00 "Apparent safety" is one of those DM terms a player must always be wary of. Specially if the DM tells the players it's time to take a five minutes break or continue next session…

    3:01:40 Spoilers on the title of the next Honey Heist episode.

    3:06:50 Severed tongues are good ceiling materials.

    3:12:00 Matts has to go. His planet needs him. Or he's jist going to look for his bag of undead minis. The large bag. Also, Sam learnt Deflect Missiles.

    3:14:50 Yasha would like to roll initiative.

    3:15:30 "Natural one for a six." Rogues, man.

    3:16:30 Jester would like the undead to turn. Pretty please?

    3:17:00 Turn Undead. Turn into mincemeat, that is.

    3:18:30 By now I formed this headcanon for why Yasha never remembers to rage: She's always raging internally.

    3:19:20 Jester wants a body count.

    3:21:00 An eight to attack hits. That has to be, like, negative challenge rate.

    3:22:00 Dope Monk Shit needs to be an actual skill Monks learn in D&D. What does it do? Dope monk shit, obviously

    3:23:20 Beau's bo is now a magical item because of the zombie it has in one tip. A Bo of Zombie Bites +1.

    3:27:00 Caleb says: If fire doesn't solve all your problems, you're not using enough of it.

    3:28:00 Sam makes a joke, everyone laughs. Travis makes a joke, has to roll a save to dodge being bitchslapped by an exploded zombie's arm. So unfair.

    3:36:00 Unicorns versus zombies. The epic fight begins…

    3:37:00 Yasha uses Kali-ma!

    3:47:00 This battle is starting to look like a Dynasty Warriors battlefield.

    3:49:00 What Nott started either opens the door, or summons Chairna The Unvarnishable. I hope it's both.

    3:54:00 Yasha hits something for 22 points of damage. Rogues, man! Oh wait…Barbarians, man!

    4:08:00 An endless pit with countless voices all whispering evil thoughts at once? Great, they found the senate.

    4:09:30 Beau is wise when it counts. Or Marisha is lucky when it counts. One or both of those statements are true.

    4:18:00 Sober Nott is more dangerous than drunk Nott. For the party, I mean.

  • Tyson Woomer

    Is it me, or has Fjord become less and less useful? What's going on with his relationship with his patron? Magic sputtering out? I that's not supposed to happen until you get into your later, middle age.

  • Marc Gehrmann

    What actually happened to the subtitles? I use them since it's sometimes hard to understand them talking through each other, and they helped a lot… but this time they are horrible, slower than the actual speech, partwise wrong etc… anyone knows why?

  • Sanguine420

    If Beau can run on walls, shouldn't the centripetal force applied to the curving walls only help , not hinder her? I suppose I'm trying to insert actual physics to a magical universe, my bad…
    -Sanguinarium

  • Lothmar22

    Stair encounter: *What I was hoping for*
    Beau: *Pulls the crystal from the device*
    Device: "Emergency self destruct initiated. Have a nice day."

    On another note, so many wasted polymorphs when feather fall would do. xD

    Granted I suppose the new shapes give HP sponge so meh.

  • Cole Dibiase

    Fire whoever is doing the captions, and maybe slap them a few times.
    If Matt says "A fucked up Z" you write "A fucked up Z" you do not change it to your liking, your job is to copy down what is said so that the deaf can know exactly what was said, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CHANGE IT, you don't deserve your job.

  • Lothmar22

    *Headcannon for zombie encounter*

    Beau: "I'd like to look for a heart."

    Matt: "'Investigation or perception."
    Beau: "Investigation." *rolls* " bleeping ballsacks, 11."
    GM: "It doesn't help that you're examine the zombies ballsack for a heart but you do not see a glow."

  • TinnedWaffles

    "Hey lets track this guy down!"

    They go past a gate with a lock on the outside, then down a tower with a trap that wasn't triggered or disarmed and then go through a door that eats and ejects the key onto the floor in front of the door which wasn't there when they got there.

    How did they not pick up on any of these things lol how can this dude be down there…?

  • Laurens Janssen

    My favourite part of the critical role episodes is always when the live editor forgets to cut to the lower close-up of Matt so you just see his forehead peeking out of the frame.

  • Mara Ana Katze

    I'm nearly caught up, and as a hearing impaired person I appreciate how much effort ya'll go to make your show more inclusive!
    Although the captions on youtube have drastically dropped in quality and half the time I had no idea who was saying what because of the lag and mistranslations etc. that I'm not used to from the older episode, what happened man?

  • Selim Tuncel

    Uh, pretty sure they tried finding the cowl last time and didnt work so…And one day Nott is going to get someone killed.

  • Panterlo Art

    Hey guys the live captions are great. But could you please add full captions + synced captions to the youtube upload?

  • Somari Lacey

    Me, a normal person with hearing who puts on the captions not to miss a single moment of every episode:
    Captions: IM GONNA BE FIVE SECONDS LATE TO EVERY FUCKING SENTENCE.

    I have been dealing with with for the last 4 episodes…

  • FDG

    Whoever is typing out the captions for these episodes, please relinquish your role to whoever was doing it before you. At least they got the timing right on when things were said and didn’t spell falchion “fanchon”.

  • Brandy Goebel Every Home Needs a Gnome

    Liam singing from The Barenaked Ladies 'Snacktime' album…. this is why I love this guy.

  • RIPBlueInk

    Sacred flame requires that you target a creature. You can't use it on web… good way to check for mimics though, target a door/chest and it won't work unless its a mimic

  • STimothy64

    oof i feel bad for sam taking so much unnecessary damage this game. succeeds all his dex saves, but forgets he has evasion.

    edit: as i typed this, he finally remembers lmao.

  • Austin Riggs

    1:51:18 Danger sense specifically says "such as traps". You don't have to see it coming, you just have to see the effect. This seems like a trap, therefore Yasha should have had advantage.

  • Terra white

    Have you believed the gospel? The gospel is that Jesus died on the cross for your sins was buried and rose again the third day

  • Simon Papham

    Has anyone else noticed how much healthier Marisha looks compared to the 1st campaign? Also seems to be more mature. 🙂

  • TomtomPersonal

    I am just wondering. Now. Either They are in the COMPLETELY WRONG PLACE. OR. How the fuck did he get through it all if everything was still locked etc. Like. What is this cheat code bs

  • Andy Malik

    I can't believe no one made a "TPK By Door" joke at 16:22
    "We Live by the Door, We Die By the Door"
    "Our archenemy takes their first strike! THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERED!"

  • Andy Malik

    Ok like seriously, wtf guys. Everyone was so selfish during the descent through the mist. Nott and Caleb have used Feather Fall literally last episode, last week to them — and they used it more than once. Every single person who fell just ditched the rest of their party, and even when I thought they were ditching Caleb, then Caleb turns around and ditches Caduceus. It's NOT fucking hard to just pick someone up on the way down.

  • Shayd Green

    I wish that Nott had ridden on the Widow-gast with her crossbow.
    Also that they remembered that monks get one bonus punch even still without flurry of blows.
    And wow, the thing actually turned words INTO profanity in the subs, Liam didn't say "talking about that dang cunnilingus?" he said "talkin about by friend colonel angus?" a cunnilingus joke but still.

  • Jack the Bard

    It's kinda irritating that Matt used a real world hourglass to make the lighting go off really brakes immersion and doesnt make sense when it does its lightining pulse 3 times In one 6 second turn and other times not at all depending on how fast the characters take their turn.

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